Changing Position

My chidren are, of course, the best in the world, but how they view me, is mind boggling. One minute I am strong and can do anything, the next I am almost helpless, and may soon need help going to the bank. Could it be they suffer a similiar problem that I have had, only in the reverse?

I wonder if they are "observing" me age, studying who I am, and trying to determine how to approach a parent who is aging, but still sings great rendition's of Stevie Nicks songs while I apply Ben-Gay to my knees? Who can go out and have fun, sometimes dance, but goes home before everyone else, so I don't have to deal with annebriated driver's, and because sleep is way more fun.

If they are, what it is it they plan for me, and am I gonna be included in their assessment of "What about Mom?" Is it just like what I did the minute they were born? Each child had a position in life, their personalities considered, and they would grow up and each be successful in their own way. And I, of couse, would help to shape that success, by doing the best job I knew how. Wrong!

While they depended on me for some things, being my children, (although they swear they are who they are by their own design period!) their desire to become themselves, by themselves, was the ONLY door available. And for a time, communication was out the door, just like they were. What had I done wrong? I sat up all nite with them, I fought the teacher's who had them all wrong, I wiped the tears away from the agony of that first failed romance. Suddenly, I had not one correct opinion, and my advice amounted to something dinasuars read. The trouble began, and I had a new enemy. The best friend.

I know you all understand this. How can you compete with that. Well, you can't, and just when they are of the age to get to know you as an adult, when you can share more than "What's for Sunday dinner?", with us safely in our "applied zone", they run off and get the Best Friend. What happened to me, and why am I now subjected to scrutiny just because I do not swim the River anymore, just lay there on my mattress and tan? I realized as I aged, they were also, but where did the lines of really knowing each other get severed? No, I don't want all flannel jammies, anymore than you like to call home every time you go somewhere, and let me know you are ok. Does anyone get this at all? What are your ideas about this? Now that they are adult's, they have their idea's and we are no longer up-to-date enough to even have a thought, much less one that even comes close to what is going on in THEIR lives, unless we have seen the Doctor and he has medical proof we still have mental function, and not knowing what day it is only means we are relaxed.

If you are experiencing this situation, even in the slightest, please let me know. I may have to ask you to wait for a reply tho', I must "watch" my circulation, and sitting too long is not healthy you know!!! Move it or lose it!! Ask them, they know all about it. Evidently, there is not a book called "Growing Up Gracefully anywhere in print. And my sole function now is to play with the grandchildren and be quiet, well, that is a joy I feel I am entitled to. I am gonna do that anyway. But what about them? Don't they realize I think they are beautiful? They are funny? That I want to know them as adults? I can still tell them exactly what mood they are in just by looking at them. They do not know that about me. I am always "mom" who is "slowing down" now, not a person who needs to be a part of their life, after all, could I keep up, much less know what is up. There has to be an answer. The "empty nest" syndrome is way dead, so just what is this I am feeling? Do they feel as I did when I watched them leave home. Yikes, that really is scary. And I may be in trouble. How about you?      ellen b