One of my children is notoriously rigid and hates change of any sort. Hates it. Throws a fit when we ask him to take a shower on a day that's not already designated on the calendar as a pre-approved "shower day." The other carries the nickname of "Zen baby." For her: It's. All. Great. In the most cosmic sense. (See previous article about nature vs. nurture.)
As such, much of my "life teaching" revolves around encouraging flexibility, pointing it out when I see it, and extolling its virtues. Now I happen to be a pretty temperamentally flexible person, so it never occurred to me that I would have to explicitly teach this skill as it always came naturally to me. Add to this the odd dilemma of having two children who differ so wildly in their responses to change, and it makes for some pretty funny dialogue.
***
Me: Darn it! I forgot the Japanese restaurant's closed on Monday. I guess this means we can't have udon noodles for dinner. [Pause.] Well! This is an opportunity for us to be flexible!
Son (8): GRRRR! I WANT UDON FOR DINNER! [Bangs on car seat armrest in frustration.]
Me: Hmm, let's see. I'm disappointed that we don't get to have udon, too, but instead of getting upset, I'm going to be flexible and think of something else we might like to have for dinner. What do you think? What sounds good?
Daughter (4): How about Italian noodles? Or Chinese noodles? I love noodles!
Son: I WANT UDON!
Me: I want udon, too, and I'm going to look forward to having udon on another day. Since udon's not a choice for tonight, let's start thinking about how delicious the spaghetti is at [insert closest possible Italian restaurant here]!
Daughter: Mmmm, spaghetti!
Son: I WANT UDON!
Me: This is a chance to practice being flexible, remember?
Son: I WANT UDON!
Me: Remember that big bowl of peppermint candies they have at the Italian restaurant?
Son, begrudgingly: I guess spaghetti's okay.
Me: [Sigh of relief.]
***
You do what you have to sometimes.
-- Asha Dornfest is author of Parent Hacks
For more of my contributions, check out the Code Orange group.
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