My child is evil

try to sit her down and ask her what you did that was so wrong? I know it is going to be hard not to get into a screaming match with her, My girls are grown now, but try to ask her.

Maybe it had nothing to do with you but she is upset over something else. If sitting with her is not ideal, let her know that you are willing to listen when she is ready to discuss the latest outburst. Not the word i would use but the only one that I can think of.

i appreciate your honesty
if it makes you feel good i was called "the bad seed" by my older sister, for a while..
perhaps it is puberty or PMS, still i am sure she has good days too, no?
keep the communication channels flowing and somehow let her know in subtle ways, this is the only way i think there is to get to kids, that she has hurt you and that you dont like it. never scream back, trust me i have tried it, and trust your heart to expend to accept that this too is part of life, and this too shall pass, amen

Oh my.

From what I gather it seems you took her away from her father, and now you are away all day at work. I imagine that has something to do with her anger. I am not blaming you but I can understand how she feels. You are in a difficult situation. Definitely family therapy is called for here.

oh, one more thing, try not to place the anger you have towards her father towards her, remember they are not the same person, you had something to do with her so look for the good in her, you just might find it and congradulations from walking away from the nightmare man

I would contact the magistrate office and find out just what your rights are. I know here in the great state of NC, you can actually kick your child out at the tender age of 13 and the police can't do anything to you. Call them and start asking questions!

You can't allow her to talk to you that way without some sort of discipline.

I didn't know 13 was the age, I thought it was sixteen. Other than counseling I don't know.

I proably made my mother feel the same several times when I was young. But I honestly don't ever remember telling her that I hate her. Hope that everything gets better soon.

If she is screaming at you she is in desperate need of help and attention from you...something is happening that she can't control and she is lashing out at you...it could be from school or from someone stalking or harrassing her away from school. Girls have a tendency to bottle bad things up and explode when they can't figure out how to tell you something is hurting them. If you suffered the years and years of abuse, then she did too... and she needs help. If you threaten her with throwing her out every time she's angry or bad, she will turn against you...feeling that if you threw her dad out then and you don't love him anymore then you are going to do the same to her. I went through all this with my daughter.... she even cut herself hundreds of times with a razor blade on her arms and breasts...do you want your daughter to do that? When is the last time you sat down and hugged her and told her that you love her? I understand that you work...but, do you have sit down family dinners with her and your other children... do you have game night where you pop popcorn have caffeine free sodas, and play scrabble, monopoly, or even a video game with them or watch a movie with them..... Listen to your child she is screaming for attention and love...... just like when she was a baby...the only thing that has changed is her language.... quality time, and family structure is a lost thing... please don't ever tell her you will throw her out.... that is the most hurtful thing you can say to a child. my daughter is 19, grown now... we changed our lives by spending time together, going to the movies together, eating together, trust me I was hell on wheels at times...I took everything from her room once accept her sheets, a blanket and pillow... I even took h er bedframe.... all books ....everything... she had to work around the house to earn them back. But, she is married now, and happy and we share a mother daughter bond and a friendship and love that is unending.. Please don't hurt her...anymore and don't let her hurt you.... talk, be honest.. I will pray for you both...*HUGS*

Fourteen is a difficult age for a girl in a normal situation. Throw divorce or other problems into the mix and it makes it that much more traumatic. She may need counseling. I went through a difficult time with my daughter when she was a teenager...but we made it through and she is a beautiful, happy, well adjusted 23 year old now. Just don't give up on her. Listen to her, and get help for her. Family counseling is probably needed.

This is a difficult age regardless. All those hormones cause a lot of moodiness even in the most balanced home environments. I echo the recommendation of counseling with a psychologist (the non drug kind ;)). Sometimes just having another outlet outside the family can help her to deal with the rage. It really does a lot of wonders. My former step daughter went to one for a time to deal with the abandoment issues she had with her mother. She said it really helped and actually liked to go to her sessions.

hmmm

She has had a lot of responsibility at home in caring for younger siblings while you work and aren't at home. Maybe the responsibilities are getting too heavy for a 14 year old. Possibly she needs time to spend with her friends in social activities and just to have fun. Fourteen is a difficult age anyway with hormones raging and maybe bipolar could be a possible additional stress in the mix. I'm sure she loves you deeply even though she says otherwise. Kids that age are often very critical of parents. It's too bad she can't come to the Center where your dad and I work because our boss Ann is very good with kids that age and she also has a Shine Girls group that the teen girls love and learn a lot from. Frustrating and exasperating as it is, the storm will blow over after awhile and things will calm down some. She could also be angry that her dad ignored her birthday and other holidays. She told me that when she was younger, her dad used to be her best friend and they were real close. It must be hard to see him ignore her and concentrate on his new family when she was here first. Parenting is never an easy job!

I'll trade you for a sarcastic, lazy, love crazed 15 year old boy. I always wanted a girl. LOL

Thomas .. thomas thomas ... I did not "take her away from her father". He was a voilent abusive man who would beat me and the kids. He would abuse us physically and verbally and emotionally. I took a lot of the abuse to keep him from hurting the kids. So in the end he tried to kill me with a baseball bat. After that I filed for divorce and the kids and I left him. HOWEVER ... I never denied him contact with the kids. He himself left the kids when he could no longer control my life and make my life hell. It was HIS choice to cut off contact with his kids. He decided he didn't want to pay child support and fled the state. So IT IS NOT MY FAULT he is not in their life. He wasn't good for them anyhow. He chose on his own to not keep in touch with his kids. The kids have their own email and phone they can email or call him whenever. He cut off contact to them. He will nto answer the phone when they call or respond to their emails. His own family has shut him out. His sister refuses to have anything to do with him. I guess he was using and abusing her as well (her words). His parents (whom I am still close with) said they only hear from him when he wants something. So by all means it is not ME!!!

As far as her babysitting .... she does have to babysit for about 2 hours everyday after school until I get home from work. I am a SINGLE mother who gets NO child support so I have no choice I HAVE to work. If I did not work my kids would not eat ... we would not have a roof over our heads and they would not have clothes on their backs and shoes on their feet. So babysitting for two hours a day for kids who are old enough to do for themselves is not what is getting to her. When she is babysitting she is simply at the house with them and they are doing their own thing. Guess some people would prefer we be on public assistance so I could stay home ... even with public assistance they would not give you enough to make your rent in michigan let alone provide food and clothes for four kids. So I choose to work so I can provide for my children .. god knows there father doesn't give a damm about them. So I work .. 6 days a week. Most of the time I am working the kids are all at school. ... except for the two hours that overlap. It is not like I am irresponsible and neglecting my kids so I can run the streets .. I am working. They have several phones in the house and all the emergency info they need and my neighbors are great and would do anything to help the kids and I out if she needed them.

Donna .. we do have family dinners. Everyday when I come home from work we sit together and eat dinner. The kids tell me about their day .. homework .. friends .. ect. I am very close with all my kids. My oldest ironically her and I are the closest. I take the kids on outings .. at least one every two weeks. We have cable and my friends loan me movies all the time. So a lot of nights we all sit together and watch movies. We spend a lot of time together. We do scrapbooking and crafts ... lots of things. I will even make time to spend some alone time with each kids at least once a month. You know where we can get out of the house just the two of us and do something we like together. Sometimes it is going to a movie .. or to dinner. My oldest loves to shop so I will give her money and we will go shopping. I just try to make sure each kid gets some individual time. My oldest she gets the most time alone with me.

She is diagnosed OCD and Bi polar. When she was younger she used to wash her hands a thousand times a day .. until they bled. She wouldn't even know she was doing it. Her father has OCD too .. and his father. So a lot of her 'routines' I know are from OCD. She takes Paxil now and has taken it for years ... it was the wonder drug for her. Without it she would still be washing her hands non stop! Oh yeah .. poor kid got my panic attacks too. She has them once in a while. The paxil seems to help but in extreme stress she will have them. As far as the bi polar she takes the paxil and lamictal. Seemed to help for a while. The thing is she is a sweet compassionate person .. then all the sudden she is a totally different person then 5 minutes before. She is violent and yelling and screaming .. then crying and pouting ... then shortly after she is fine again. She has always been like this. As a baby she was VERY clingy. If I left her site she would cry and cry until she turned herself purple by holding her breath. She would act like I was abandoning her! As she got older she was still clingy but getting more and more independant. Now she is 14 .. she is very independant ... but very lazy too. She doesn't like to clean up after herself but then if she can't find something it is always someone else's fault ...

For example .. 6am I am sound asleep in bed. She woke up early for school and can't find her brush or MY brush. She will bust through my door yelling and screaming and crying because she canh't find MY brush and she lost hers. Some how in her mind this is MY fault. Make sense to any of you?

This is just how she is. yesterday I did nothing to her. I simply walked in the door to the house and she was yelling and screaming seconds later....

She has a shirt that explains her perfectly. It says "warning next temper tantrum in 5 minutes or less"

hang in there! My son is also argumentative. He must have looked over my shoulder and read something he shouldn't have because he mentioned this title and thought I wrote it!! Good grief. If he would clean up his 11 yr old trashy mouth and respectful attitude we wouldn't have grief!

I will say prayers for you. Are you in my group padd.gather.com? If not, please consider joining for support.

Thanks Kim!

I am sorry you're having problems, I am also bi polar and understand what she goes through also. Hang in there, I hope it gets better.

sure is tough being a parent......

Bonnie .. you have any info that may help her to know what she is dealing with?

oh my, hard to help from far away...

I hope things will get better.

Dena, I am also Bipolar, and if she is on meds you may want to see if she needs a dosage change, since she is in puberty her body is doing some strange things, and it may just be a dosage change for her meds and she should get better. I know about those highs and lows, and how something as simple as not being able to find a hair brush will set you over the edge.

Just try to be patient, I know it's difficult, let her know that no matter what you love her, even if she screams that she hates you.

Check with her dr about the med dosage though

14..they are all crazy then...set rules,set limilts...compassionately stick to your guns...then one day you' ll wake up ,and a beautiful 18 year old will shock you...because your child will act so normally!And you'll say...'what have you done with my child?'