Fourteen Years Ago (re-post)

[This is a re-post of an article I published a year ago today.  I'm in the middle of NaNoWriMo and not feeling well so I will take the easy way out and just re-post.]

Fourteen years ago today, my husband of fourteen years packed a bag and walked out.  He didn't say anything before he packed.  He just came into the bedroom and started packing.  

That day changed my life and that of our three children.  Many things were difficult about that period.   Probably the worst things were not the financial problems or the loneliness, but for me it was the idea that I had made a horrible mistake in character judgement when I chose that man. It made me doubt myself and it made me unable to trust anyone.  The other very difficult thing about this period is that I felt rejected; replaced; second best.  It is a horrible feeling to be replaced by anyone.  It made me feel like I was not good enough; like she was better than me.

It took many years to get over that day.  In those years I have learned that I was not a bad judge of character; people simply change.  I also learned that trust is something we cannot do lightly but we must trust.  If we don't allow ourselves to trust, we will always be incredibly lonely and empty.  I finally began to trust again, although it is very difficult for me to do so and there are not a lot of people that I trust.  I trust myself and that was the biggest one.  When I lost the trust in myself and in my judgement, I was all alone, even from myself.  

Fourteen years is a long time.  I no longer get angry and bitter when I think of it.  I am now accepting of that day, of my ex-husband, and of the life I have now.