It's Official - Finally

Well, it finally came to pass today - I am now officially divorced.  It has been a long road full of twists and turns, and I honestly feel that the timing was just as it should be, even if it took longer than I had planned.  Today was my third time going to the courthouse - the first time, in September, the date had been scheduled too early and I had to reschedule for October, but then the Chancellor was sick and court was cancelled for the entire week.  So finally I got the last date today, but since this was the first court date available since that week it was closed, court was overbooked.  No one would be cancelled, but it would take a long time to get through the cases. 

I was surprised to see a friend there in the courtroom who was there for his divorce as well.  We sat together and watched the Soap Opera like cases that were held first.  There were a lot of estate cases - families fighting over the things left behind.  It was sad, really, to see how things tear up a family.  There was a couple divorcing where the wife cried through the whole thing, causing the judge to ask her if she was sure she wanted to go through with it - I so wanted to go hug her, but did not get the chance.  After nearly three hours, my case was called.  I was nervous, having never appeared before a judge before, but it was not too bad.  The anxiety of waiting for it was far worse. 

As I walked out of the courtroom, I silently said good-bye to Monica Kennedy and closed a door on a part of my life that was both the most wonderful and the most devastating.  It is not easy to say goodbye to that person - the woman so proud and happy to be a wife.  Who I am now is still being defined - not less than before, but no longer the same.  I cannot help but feel empowered by who I am becoming, for to wallow in what I have lost will do me no good.  I am working on becoming a stronger woman, one who will find love again in the most important way - love for myself.  If I don't love me, no one else really can.  It won't happen over night, but it will happen. 

And I know there will be someone out there for me.  I pray for him every day, that he will be blessed beyond imagination, that he will be strong, faithful, loving, compassionate, and strong especially where I am weak.  I will be a wife again some day, and the next time will be forever.