Munching my brunch of scrambled free range eggs on wholemeal bread and sipping my fair trade Orange Juice yesterday, I sumbled upon a TV show in which a “western” Feng Shui expert was advising a young woman on how to improve her life by moving the furniture around. The woman it turned out, was unhappy and could not keep hold of her boyfriends.
Explaining the intricities of the ancient Chinese Art of rearranging furniture (that’s what Feng Shui means. Don’t argue, it effing does!) as he moved through the house the expert shifted chairs, mirrors and ornaments, binning some. Of one innocuous but quite attractive disc shaped thing he said, “This has to go, a Chinese Feng Shui Master would tell you something like that could kill.”
Well yeah, it could if you tried to swallow it, it was about two and a half inches across, but while on the wall what harm could it do?
Next he shifted the bed around because the way it was facing “conflicted with male engery” which would put men off their game. Finally he painted the living room of the house pillar box red.
Call me an old fuddy duddy possums, but when people talk about Chinese culture I always think how can culture be associated with people who haven’t mastered the knife and fork. It would help of course if Western Sinophiles took the trouble to understand the complexities of eastern cultures and traditions rather than just treating them as money making opportunities.
The television program, for its conclusion, returned to the same young woman a month later to find how Feng Shui had changed her life. She still did not have a steady man; perhaps this was more to do with her not being very good looking, having a whiney voice and coming across as desperate, needful and clingy, all qualities that “conflict with male energy.” She had however decided to move house. The expert claimed his Feng Shui had made her realise the house was not suited to her yin and yang.
The Common Sense gnome says wouldn’t anyone want to move house if some wanker had painted their living room signal red?
***
While we are having a giggle let's not forget tomorrow is the eleventh day on the eleventh month, traditionally the day we remember the dead of WW1 and every other war (including Iraq and Afghanistan) This poem commemorates the Accrington Pals, young men of my town, a whole generation of whom were wiped out in ten crazy minutes in 1916/
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Comments: 11
Funny article, though. It's dripping with satire.
On the other hand we in the "civilized" West can hardly throw stones at the Chinese for their superstitions. A good share of our population thinks that drinking some wine and eating a wafer in church is actually the cannibalistic act of consuming the literal flesh and blood of a person who lived two thousand years ago. Compared to that, Feng Shui is a no worse than avoiding walking under ladders or the paths of black cats.
Ian, thanks for the link about the Accrington Boys. I posted an article about 'Lest We forget'. So far, it has has precisely NO readers.
At the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month....
There is a sucker born every minute and a Master just waiting for them to write a check ... (or a messiah coming to bail them out) ...
Culture is actually much more deeply embedded than anyone knows which is why ancient myths still have such appeal. That being the case it is silly to think we can asimilate from books or "masters" the secrets of feng shui or yoga (easier for Euro - Americans and Europeans as our civilisation has its roots in India) or African Shamanism. So while Fang Shui is probably effective for Chinese who are equipped to believe in it, a bit of European Paganism will work better for me while a few animal totems would do the job for someone whose roots are in that continent.
My satire was against junk TV and the commercialisation of everything.
Glad it made you smile.
Ah, those cannibals. Yes well when a junk TV series about the spiritual benefits of self flagellation and wearing a circilla is broadcast I'll be right on the case.
You've been tagged
Too right.
I think she cured herself of being ridiculed by not telling anybody where she moved to :-)