Godspeed Cynthia

Cynthia Carey, one of my youngest aunts died yesterday.  I know that is pretty insignificant to anyone outside of her circle of friends and our family.  Everyone dies and we all lose people.  The fact that my parents were in their forties when I was born just means I have had more than my share of losses over the last ten to twelve years.  Cynthia was a great person with a never-ending sense of humor and raised Ronnie, Peter and Michael, three of my most cherished cousins, while maintaining one home in New York and another in Florida.

But I am not writing about her life, one of her children can do that and besides, her life I understood.  It's her death that I cannot comprehend or understand.  I have never heard of any such instances in my life.  In fact, since I am just closing out a school project, when I got the phone call from home yesterday, I went and visited the on-site school nurse who was able to give me a little more insight about the phenomenon.

Yesterday, Cynthia's body and mind flat out rejected oxygen.  I did not know that was possible - to reject oxygen.  A few months ago, Cynthia had pneumonia and I guess never really shook it off entirely.  Three days ago, they put her in the hospital.  Yesterday, while still conscious her body abruptly expelled its supply of oxygen and then refused to take in any more, even as the hospital staff attempted to introduce oxygen in various measures.  She laid there and gasped for breath, which her mind rejected (I learned from the school nurse I spoke with, that the denial of the oxygen was orchestrated by the mind), wnet into cardiac arrest, suffered a complete system break-down and while still alert, died.

I am not sure what to think.  I used to think that fire and drowning were about the only two ways of death I truly do not want to experience.  I now have a third.  I do not want to lay there, with my eyes open and my senses functioning while my brain dictates that I have consumed all the oxygen I am ever going to consume.  To me, that sounds like a Robin Cook scenario.  No, if that would be my fate; just shoot me.

As I said, Cynthia was a fine, warm and loving mother.  At family get togethers, she was often the one making everyone laugh with her anecdotes and antics.  She was loved by her husband Ron for all of her adult life and I know her three boys are going to miss her.  The family will miss her.  I will miss her.

Godspeed Cynthia & God Bless,

- Robert Burnham (2007)