Ole, Vermin and Hillary (Primary Comic Relief)

What do Ole Savior, Vermin Supreme and Hillary Clinton have in common? They have each filed with the New Hampshire Secretary of State in the presidential primary. This year, there are a staggering 44 candidates who have filed in New Hampshire, some you may think you are tired of hearing about and many with whom you are probably less familiar.

Sure, we have all heard of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, both prominent senators running high-profile campaigns with lots of cash. We know former senator John Edwards who ran for Vice President in 2004, Senators Dodd and Biden, and Bill Richardson - the Governor of New Mexico with all that foreign relations experience. We know Ohioan Dennis Kucinich (and his lovely wife who now sports a “sexy” tongue stud), and we're familiar with the fiery Mike Gravel who has spent most of his career representing the state of Alaska. Some of us have even heard of former nun Caroline Killeen who has been running on a “legalize marijuana” platform since 1976. But who among us have heard of Vermin Supreme or Ole Savior?

Vermin Love Supreme is a colorful character — a balloon maker and street performer whose attempts to make some kind of point regarding civil rights occasionally include running for office. But Oloveuse O. (“Ole”) Savior has run for office many times — and even managed to capture 1% of the vote in the Minnesota Democratic Governor's Primary in 2006. (Perhaps his home district had few volunteer delegates.) Savior can't pull in the kind of campaign contributions that senators or governors can, so why does he run?

To put it simply - and pardon the pun: Savior wants to be our savior. He wants to end world hunger and save the children of the future. He claims that, if elected, he will save the world from chemical and nuclear weapons of mass destruction.

What else is there to know about Ole? Well, his favorite president is Washington because although he lost seven battles, he won the war. Ole's favorite movie is The Terminator, his favorite book, Revelations (why am I not surprised?), and his official religion is “All Religions that Speak of Love.” He drives a car with at least 100 political bumper stickers plastered to it. This is his favorite quote:

“O God, save us in loving service. In life, death, sex and rebirth to save. Love to be free, free to be me, free to give myself to thee.”

He said it himself. (Savior is currently working on a volume of poetry he hopes to publish soon. You might want to watch for it.)

If that's not enough to win you over and you're still tired of the familiar candidates, check out Randy Crow whose goal in running for office is to “get rid of filthy communists and lots of others,” or maybe “Big Al” Hamburg who once sold a car to a woman in exchange for 50 sexual encounters, 33 of which she actually made good on. (No kidding!)

So if you find yourself tired of all those print ads and television commercials paid for by the candidates with all the cash, bear in mind the alternatives and be thankful — very thankful!