Dia De Los Muertos

Los dias de los muertos is a wonderful holiday and tradition. In Mexico, there is a connection between the living and the dead. Each is part of the other. Not surprisingly, Mexicans don’t fear death as they accept it as part of the natural cycle of life. They know they aren’t really gone. They live on in the lives and hearts of those they love.

Some time ago, when my middle child was in seventh grade, I volunteered to put on a presentation for her social studies class.  The presentation was about the culture, tradition, and significance of the day of the dead.  Before long the teacher had volunteered me to present to each of her five classes instead of just my daughter’s.  This was the first of many day of the dead presentations I put on over the following six years.  In fact, when I was working, I took the day off from work to put on the presentation at the school.

Before the presentation, I would provide the teacher with a handout covering the background of the tradition, including the origin of it and how it is not only a religious celebration but a testament to the indigenous ways winning out over the squelching of yet another tradition and religious rite by the Catholic Spaniard conquering population.  The handout was to go to the parents before the day of the presentation to inform them of the content in case they wanted to exclude their child from it.  I warned that we’d be talking about the dead and the role they play in our lives.   Then there was a list of things that the students could bring, should they so choose, to add to a class altar we would build during the presentation.

It was amazing to me that not one single parent of the five classes in about six or more years ever asked to exclude their child from the discussion.  After the historical discussion, I would talk about some of the people I had lost to death and then I’d encourage the students to add their experiences.  What occurred was fascinating to me.  Most of the kids in the class had suffered the loss of someone close to them yet they had not been allowed to discuss their feelings or their fears.  Many just had not come to terms with the deaths of relatives and close friends.  The stories I heard brought tears to my eyes and lasting pain to my heart.  I still remember them and it has been more than a decade.

Then the kids and I would add to the altar.  They brought pictures of loved one and things that had belonged to grandfathers and older siblings and cousins and even childhood friends.  After the first year, there were other kids not in the class that I was presenting to who would run in and hand me a photo of someone or a trinket that belonged to a loved one and they’d ask me to add it to the altar for them.  At the end of the presentation, I would offer a small skull shaped piece of paper  and encourage anyone to take it and write the name of a loved one or write a note to a departed loved one.   In almost every case, all of the class had someone they wrote a note to or about.  Some of them read as below:

~Grandpa, I still love you even though you left me.

~Papi porque me dejaste?  Te quiero.

~Gloria I’m sorry you died on the way to your honeymoon in your wedding dress.  I miss you and I think about you every day.

~Mr. Owens you were the best teacher at my school.  I was sad when you got cancer and died.  Now other kids won’t ever get to have you for the best fourth grade teacher.

Now I would like YOU my dear friends, to think of a loved one you’ve lost.  Say a prayer or just utter their name or add it in a comment.  I've add mine.

They ARE still with us.  They always will be.

*****

David, I miss you every day.  There are many times I wish I still had my big brother to help me get through the days.  But in a way, you still do help me.  I love you.

Richard, you left us so unexpectedly.  And now you’re a grandfather.  Roxie has two little boys.  And Ricardo is on his way to a wonderful career.  You are proud of them.  I’m sure you watch out for them even now.

Little unnamed baby,  you were never born but I loved you from the first day I knew about you and I love you still.  I wish you could be here with me and with your siblings.  You are a part of our lives.  You’ve changed me and that has effected the lives of everyone around me.   I do love you.  I always will.

Little unnamed baby, you too left me before you were born and you are loved and missed.  You will always be a part of me.  I wish I could have held you in my arms and watched you grow.  I love you now and always.

Aunt Sara you left your mark on me.  You showed me what it was like to give of oneself without expecting anything in return.  I miss you.

Uncle Frank you were the funniest person I knew, and the saddest.  I know you were loved by your kids even though they didn’t show it in their lifetime.  I am glad I got to know you.  I miss you.

Manuel, I miss you cousin!  Remember how we’d call each other on our birthday and wish each other a happy birthday when everyone else was saying Merry Christmas?  We shared a birthday and a family.  Somehow it isn’t fair that you left us when you were so young.  You were younger than me; somehow I should have gone before you.  You are missed.  You did make a difference.