No sympathy needed.

no fun ALONE Judi.. thanks..

You may not need sympathy, but I sympathize nonetheless.

Man, if i could get a sitter for my brother.......then again, mothers have NEVER seemed to LIKE me...

no sympathy, then, Lloyd....but EMPATHY!!! for sure

You are right, it is no fun alone, I did it for 11 years, ovarian cancer, lost friends, lost touch, lost my mind a few times, fought the system. I wrote letter's at the last about the State of Nursing Home care, I cried, I laughed, and often was in a weary haze, but just one smile, one touch, you do get thru it. I feel for you. I know you don't need sympathy, been down that road, I will pray for the two of you. If you ever need a shoulder, to to stand shoulder to shoulder with, I am here, Blessings. Ellen B

Thanks Gang..
Peter I did that with My Dad too but most of it was back and forth to the VA hospital..

and it was mercifully quick.

Hang in there Lloyd.

What you are doing really is wonderful...and I am sure it is extremely difficult, sad, draining...pretty much all the awful words I can think of. I hope she doesn't suffer, and I hope you have the strength to get through it. Prayers coming your way.

No sympathies but a caring "ear" for you. Also, I didn't think you moaned or complained much at all for what you are dealing with.

This has got to be tough on you Lloyd...I helped take care of my boyfriends grandmother right before she died from cancer.I only work part time, so I would go over their on my days off, and also every evening. She had lost her mind as well, so I had to follow her around the house to make sure she was okay at all times...she had fallen a few times, (not on my watch), and she would constently forget who I was. It was a little scary at times, because she really didn't know who I was, or what I was doing in her house...I had to dress her,and feed her, and when it got to the point where she needed help to the bathroom, the family finally decided it was time for a professional nurse. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I didn't know the women very well, and can't imagine having to go though that with someone close to me. Try to hang in their Lloyd.

I'm really glad that your mom has you. I'm sorry that you know more about what's coming than she does. It's a time that will look different to you in the future. It's a hard and lonely job that doesn't come with enough breaks. Your doing a great job and I'm proud of you.

Wish there was something I could do to help. :o(

I hope and pray that the rest of this journey... goes as smooth as possible for you and your mom. (((hugs)))

My mom was term for 4 years, and she recieved a mericle, was on hospice as well, she is now doing really good, I don't know what I would have done if we had lost her. She is really my best friend.
My prayers are with you.

Awww that would be hard! You are a great person for taking that on! My dad did that with his Uncle until his Uncle died & it was a tough time in his life. Good luck & God be with you!

She is so lucky that you are such a great son. What a very hard thing to witness though. I don't know if I would be able to do this for as long as you have had to. I almost reached my limit taking care of my dad after open heart surgery. He made a great recovery but those were scary and exhausting times.

You are doing a great job taking care of your mother!!!!!

What a hard road you must walk down in the coming days. You are such a great man in being there for her. I hope she does not suffer too much. Hang in there and you will get through this. My thoughts are with you and her

Lloyd - take it from me. Someday soon you are going to be glad to have been able to do this, live this. During the last few months of my parents lives, I heard about it all long distance. Others were doing their best, I understand that, but there were times when I just wanted to be the one that was there, doing the work.

You will never have to wonder if only - you will never have to wonder what those last days were like and was she getting at least the best you could do. This will be your blessing in the days to come. You've done your best, you've done what could be done. It is good.

It's a full time job, Lloyd. I cared for my mother-in-law for the last six years of her life and it wasn't easy. The only thing I can assure you is that once your mom's in Heaven you won't have any regrets. I'm not going to lie and say it will make it any easier to lose her because it won't. But a little while down the road (where my husband and I are now with regard to his mom) you'll know you did what was right and what was best...for both of you. And that will bring you peace. God bless you both. You're in my prayers.

Thanks gang..

to quote my favorite author...

"When the ship lifts, all debts are paid"...
[RAH].

I pray for peace for both of you Lloyd.

Lloyd, you are a fine son to take such good care of your Mother at this stage of her life. I realize it is difficult and my thoughts are with you. Lloyd, you have gone through so much the last few years and, sometimes, just not one heartache at a time but several at the same time. On top of everything, you opened your heart and home to a sweet stray cat who came calling at your door. As a friend and connection, I admire you for your courage in keeping up the good work you do. Bravo, Lloyd!

Lloyd,
I will say that if you want to talk, rant, or just know people are listening, I think you know that there are plenty here that do understand this journey, and will be glad to listen anytime, myself included. I know you are having a tough lonely time right now, this too, shall pass. I will pray for both of you. I didn't get the opportunity to help my father at all, because too many were trying to shield me from how ill he was, and I was having a problem preg. Unfortunately, by shielding me, I also wasn't the least prepared to lose one of my best friends. I have been down the road with my mother, and I have missed her just as much the last 5 yrs too. I pray for peace for you both also! You are a good son.

==( )== hugs for you and her Lloyd

Two years after told of lung cancer!
what a gift off two years were given.
now is the hard part,best of luck
get help I didn't it took a lot out of me
but I treasure each day I had
blessings

Dude, you have the uphill road. But you will know the value of it, despite the hardships. Thinking of you both.

Being a caregiver is very hard. The caregiver needs some care also. It's hard watching and not being able to do much to help and when you get really scared sometimes you end up attacking the person you're caring for. I know all of this first hand. I'll be thinking of you.

You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there...

Caregiving is difficult. Penni also does this. Where is she? Hmmm. . .
Lloyd who relieves you when you need a break? When my mom did it for my dad, my personal physician said it when mentally and emotionally vital that there be breaks for her even with Hospice assistance. Who relieves you, Lloyd?

((((((((((hugs and prayers)))))))))))

Well Nee, the last person that said they would turned out to be more interested in being PROMOTED instead of loved and just 'returned' to Gather..

so.. pretty much NOBODY.

I believe Kimberly, who commented above, has a feature article about caretakers.
I am in the same boat and it is a hard job. I thought raising three sons was difficult but this is much harder - by far! of course, I'm not in your shoes and every situation is different.

In my state, there is a program for free relief and assistance but there is a waiting list. I know some people who've actually gotten help through this program and it is available to anyone, no income requirements, maximum or minimum.

I wish I could help. Lord knows I had enuff practice when I was in your shoes with my dying Father who was talking to HIS dead mother while dying in my arms. After the hospice nurse refused to come back I was on my own with him. I still have visions of it and he's been dead for eleven yrs now. My prayers are with you this day and always. No matter how bad it gets, let her know how much you love her.

For eleven years, everyone left my mother and her illness's, diabetes ,( 2 shots per day) Morbid obesity, dementia (sliding) and ovarian cancer. When she died she had not worn shoes for almost twelve years. My sister came to see her once. Her remaining brother came once, and I drove him, I wanted her to see him before she could not recognize him, he brought his wife, and while they were there, I went to the deck for a cigarette and to give them time alone, three weeks later, I was looking in her "Memory " book we had put together, full of family picture's, and they had taken several, I know this because I SAW on of them on a table at their house. One of the reason's one can be so alone is because it is work, and it is all-consuming if you are dedicated. In all of those years, not one family member, all who claimed to love Aunt May, ever came, or ever offered to keep her so I could rest. Not once. The saddest thing of all is that my mother, whom they had written off as penniless and should have been placed in a home immediatly, knew, for a little over five of those years, that they had done this. It hurt her so bad, and it hurt me for her. I now do not speak to any that are remaining, I begged them to come to her last birthday party, for her, no one came, just the calls, we had to do this or that, I became so protective, people called me obsessed, they were going to have to go thru me to hurt her ever again, or make her feel useless ever again, and in those day's, I was a formidable foe, they left us alone, except for my children, She died that year,and I have never regretted a moment with her, only that she had only me, after 84 years of living, and always being there for all of them, the one who sat in the hospitals with them or their children, or set their table with such grace, so they could come home and rest. How we love our parents, and what we do for them, when they are so vulnerable, is so important for us when they are gone from this earth. It is admirable what you do, and I am sorry you are alone, but your mother is not, in this big old world, and you will be glad someday you maintained, and you where the son you are.She will leave the Earth someday knowing she did a good job with you, probably her greatest achievement in her eyes and heart,

I apologize that I took up so much space, but hang in there, and hold that hand that held yours so many years ago, you will be glad,and you are not really all alone, per se, we are all here, and all of us care, Ellen B

Ellen,
you understand.

thank you,

Lloyd

you guys have me in tears... I thought I had a bad day and now that I look back it's not so bad.

God Bless, Hang in there, and know God only gives out what he knows you can handle!

Show Biz, Peter... just Show Biz..

:)

not as nice as I make myself out to be...

actually that was a quote from a former potential, temporary almost sister-in-law since withdrawn,.... recently.

no, she's in a hard spot....

[[shrug]]

M;

the only bragging rights I have at the moment aren't something I am comfortable blowing my horn about so...

[[shrug]].

but I DO have a 100 member Gather fan club thanks to Nee and Penni!

:)

whoops.. 104 ! ! ! !

Nalita, Lady.

Sigh, I have done the care taker job and in many ways it just sucks.
Try to remember a lot of her reactions are not personal assaults to you.
When people become old and/or sick they tend to resent their care takers.
I know in her heart, she loves and treasures you for taking care of her.
Think of the alternatives! And know that you are doing something wonderful for someone you love!

Try to listen to what she says to you.
Amid the babble, some of the things she says will AMAZE you.

And when you lose patience with her, imagine what it feels like to know you have come to the end of your life. Awful really, no matter how much or how long we live, we usually want so much more.

The best thing about your caring for your mom is that you (someday) will treasure this last time you had together.

Hopefully she won't suffer for a long tim. Because that really sucks. My heart goes out to you. I known how you feel because I lost both of my parents.
My father suffered for a long time. IT was really tough . My mother went suddenly witch was tough on my family but good for her because she didn't suffer. You have my prayers.

I'm sorry you are alone with all of this Lloyd. There are times everyone needs someone to lean on and this is one of those times. I know this is not an easy task for you. You've been through it once with you dad and now your mom. That has to be tough. I agree with Terry B. Some day you will look back on all of this and be thankful for spending these last few days, weeks, months, or years with her.

What Terry said. My mom passed away 12 years ago Lloyd, and it was very hard. I am grateful for every moment I spent with her, even when she was difficult.