by Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom'
Member since:
April 25, 2007

Ogre in me...Grudge

October 30, 2007 02:52 PM EDT (Updated: November 01, 2007 01:54 AM EDT)
views: 93 | comments: 43
I have complaints,
with my heart
you wish
which is apart?

A pain echoes nearby
a thought that beats
a set of floating desires
always ruling me

You are innocent, I know
I am alone, you know
Stop weaving these dreams
in my bloodstreams

October is still crispy today
Will run in the grizzled storm
Will watch billows
and each valiant raindrop

You are in a cage
of despair
tied with the ribbons of fear
holding a grudge today

Today, my agony is imminent
with uncaged caption of bitterness
a big ogre is inside
He came up with verses

What is this malice?
What is this flame?
You are so naïve
now I have no complaints




 
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Comments: 43

M. Bradley McCauley McCauley Oct 30, 2007, 2:57pm EDT
>>Today, my agony is imminent
With uncaged caption of bitterness
A big ogre is inside
He came up with verses"

Tell him to give it up or he'll hear your curses.

There are some days that can be so overwhelming bleak and yet we know that even in our emotions, it's like the song from Annie--The sun'll come out tomorrow.

Blessings,
Mary Mc
ChrisJerri S. Oct 30, 2007, 3:01pm EDT
I hope this poem released the ogre.
Susan *. Oct 30, 2007, 3:08pm EDT
I know we all have an ogre in our lives....I have one as well. I think together we can fight the ogre together Bhawana.....friends do that for friends, we fight ogre's together! God Bless my friend! :-D
Parul S. Oct 30, 2007, 4:10pm EDT
You are brilliant at whatever you choose to put your heart into. And that is the reason why your creation comes out so strong, so pure and so wonderful. I am proud to see your talent talent in full bloom
Larry H. Oct 30, 2007, 4:33pm EDT
loved your poem thanks for sharing
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Oct 30, 2007, 4:40pm EDT
Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving so sweet comments ..
Marge H. Oct 30, 2007, 4:55pm EDT
Sending you a sword of love to help you defeat your ogre.
Lisa Frost Oct 30, 2007, 5:03pm EDT
There is one greater within that can defeat any ogre if we let him! I hope your light is shining again! You are such a bright spot in Gather.
Deb J. Oct 30, 2007, 5:39pm EDT
Oh Bhawana, if I could I would give you a big hug to shoo the agonies away!!
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Umar, Abu Nurain Oct 30, 2007, 6:37pm EDT
Self examination can be painful especially when it is in the light of truth. The struggles goes on and I have this distinct sense that you'll win out in the end! Good sentiments Bhawana!
Alison Pearce Oct 30, 2007, 6:38pm EDT
Fabulously written Bhawana! Very emotional
Sheila Deeth Oct 30, 2007, 6:41pm EDT
Good poem Bhawana. Really conveys the mixed emotions. Neat tying it to October too - mixed seasons, like the world has its winter ogre at the gate.
Very Well written Bhawana. hope it was a release for you .
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Oct 30, 2007, 7:20pm EDT
Very good poem Bhawana.
Corinna Parr Oct 30, 2007, 8:17pm EDT
I do love your poetry, Bhawana, and even moreso when you have images to go with it. They always match perfectly to what you're describing and this is no exception. The words left me feeling weighted down while still feeling the thump and punch of that ogre inside. Well done!
donna h. Oct 30, 2007, 10:04pm EDT
This is really good
Marie J. R. Oct 30, 2007, 10:05pm EDT
good combination of visions my dear one,,, very well done,,,hugs,,,
amarpreet k. Oct 31, 2007, 12:27am EDT
Bhawana ..such an apt title for a wonderful poem ... there is an ogre in all of us ..in one form or other ,and though we won't even accept it to ourself we all know that we hold grudge against .... you have captured it so well in this verse the struggle to overcome this ogre with willpower and honesty ...
Kathy W. Oct 31, 2007, 12:33am EDT
Need a buddy at the "Silver Spike Forge?
I specialize in silver spikes!
Great poem--we all have our demons.

Wilka
lynn a. Oct 31, 2007, 2:41pm EDT
So emotional and so profound. Very good, Buzzy. I hope you feel better.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !

Maybe if you get out and do a lilttle something you will feel better. I am going to do some wishes for you right now. Wishes and wishes, Buzzy. Can you feel them yet? Good wishes for a good person. Here come some more.
Sheila Deeth Oct 31, 2007, 2:59pm EDT
You should send your ogre trick or treating.
Syed The Shah Oct 31, 2007, 3:54pm EDT
Actually i don't like that ogre coming out of you.
Shrek is already out here.

Fun reading from a different aspect and perspective. Shah's mind is missing November.
Because...
Bonnie L. Oct 31, 2007, 5:01pm EDT
Extremely profound......don't we all have an ogre or two inside? I know I do, except I think of mine as demons.

However! The lines that spoke the loudest to my heart---having nothing to do with an ogre within--but just dang fine writing about many situations:

Stop weaving these dreams
in my bloodstreams


I'd make bloodstream singular to be grammatically correct---but as far as I'm concerned, grammar can fly out the window when the words are this profound.

Bon
TRICK OR TREAT A TEN TO KEEP
Jerri H. Oct 31, 2007, 5:53pm EDT
Great Bhawana....I felt the grudge that fought to be.
Paula Love Oct 31, 2007, 6:58pm EDT
hi there g/f, what a wonderful job
Wilma M. Oct 31, 2007, 10:17pm EDT
Vivid images you have painted with your words! I think your sunny disposition will drive the ogre away. He doesn't have a chance against your inner and outer beauty!
William Dotani Nov 1, 2007, 1:03am EDT
I first off like how you set the mood. After that your poem flows with good descriptive verse that has powerful but subtle emotion.
William Dotani Nov 1, 2007, 1:07am EDT
As a Critique, there are two verses that seem out of the flow. In the first stanza, verse three is very difficult to read with the rhythm your poem is establishing. In the last verse of the fifth stanza, I see no reason for the word 'was'. Tense is implied.
Trish A. Nov 1, 2007, 1:51am EDT
Bhwana, I so enjoyed this poem. I do agree with William about maybe not needing the word "was" in the fifth stanza.
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Nov 1, 2007, 1:55am EDT
Thanks William...your comments means a lot to me.That was really an error.

Thanks Trish...:)
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Nov 1, 2007, 1:58am EDT
Dear Bonnie thanks for your kind visit.
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Nov 1, 2007, 1:59am EDT
Thanks to all my friends...
Midnite Writer -- Kim Nov 1, 2007, 2:44am EDT
Beautiful! How nice of you to share your poetry with us! I would have never known it was a poem from the title, what a great surprise, my friend :)
Midnite Writer -- Kim Nov 1, 2007, 2:45am EDT
I don't write poetry so I admire anyone who can do it. And you did it so well. Don't let the critics get to you!!!
necee t. Nov 1, 2007, 4:11pm EDT
another gem from Bhawana... great job... Happy November...
Blessings to you and yours...
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Nov 2, 2007, 2:18am EDT
thank you so much for stopping by.
Tracey W. Nov 3, 2007, 11:57am EDT
You are in a cage of despair tied with the ribbons of fear This is such a poignant line; but is it your ogre of whom you speak here? I really loved the imagery of this part.
Fred Hose Nov 4, 2007, 11:55am EST
Why am I so late??? Please forgive me Bhawana.

I love the poem for the passion in it. I can sense the the deep feelings of betrayal.
The narrator is on the point of giving up and at the end finds her unhappy peace.
I see the spectre of "grudge" very clearly. Well done.

I have a difficulty in understanding the first verse. I'm not quite sure what it's telling me.

CONGATULATIONS !!!! *******!!!! Bravo.
Neal Wass Feb 2, 2008, 9:24am EST
Stop weaving these dreams
in my bloodstreams

This is so steamy. If this person only new about your dreams they wouldn't be dreams.
Jason S. Jun 19, 2008, 9:04am EDT
cool poem.

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