M-I-L Without the Blues

We're thinking that my mother-in-law may be coming to live with us temporarily in the near future. I'm thinking of ways to make that work.

Having had grown children move back in, I have a couple of ground rules in mind.

She needs to give me some money each month, so she can feel welcome to turn on the air conditioner or heater, and I can be okay with not being in control of the thermostat.
We need to give her a parking spot and make sure she understands that when her car is at the house, it belongs IN its parking spot.

I work at home, and I'll be giving up my office space. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to manage working at home when there is another adult present all the time?

I love Mom, and I want her to be comfortable here, but I know that we'll have conflicts. I'm hoping we can skip a couple by making sure everyone knows what is expected of them ahead of time.

What other things can you think of that will help things go smoothly?

Comments: 10

Janice Mitchell Oct 30, 2007, 9:33am EDT

I don't envy you, but it sounds like you've already got the idea. Setting boundaries is hard to do but must be done, especially when it comes to your home business. If you need certain hours for the house to be quiet or for you to be undisturbed, agree to a way (like a prearranged set of hours, a sign on your door, or a ringing bell) that will make it clear you need space. She will know she's in your home, in your space, and will hopefully respect that.

As a mother-in-law myself, I would appreciate being told in advance how it needs to be - rather that then to make my daughter-in-law angry without knowing it.

Much luck to you ; D

reply to this comment

Nana to Seven Cutiepies Oct 30, 2007, 9:53am EDT

What a great idea, rules are good. Put all your cards on the table before she moves in. Communication is the key!

reply to this comment

Human, Katherine, seeker of intergalactic life, inhabitant of Earth Oct 30, 2007, 9:59am EDT

Your have the right idea, get it all out in the beginning, that way she'll feel comfortable and secure by knowing what she can do to fit in with you and the family. I would much rather be told up front. You could even ask her for suggestions. Perhaps the time you need for work she can go outside the home and do something she enjoys, so she has a life outside the home and finds new friends. There are always Volunteer ops in every town, like the Library, hospital, pet rescue thrift shops..etc.

reply to this comment

Denise B. Oct 30, 2007, 11:09am EDT

I agre with those above, don't let things fester if she starts bugging you let her know in the nicest way possible, so it doesn't tun ugly later

reply to this comment

Nyota *Star* Oct 30, 2007, 11:43am EDT

One thing that may be easily overlooked: telephone etiquette. Do you want her to screen calls while you're working? Take messages?

reply to this comment

Helen C.D.~2009 ~. Oct 30, 2007, 12:05pm EDT

Well this is a big job. I've been there before. I don't know how old your mother-in-law is and that makes a difference too. She will need a TV in her room with cable so when you want to watch your special programs she will have her own TV to watch. About dinner meals...well you will have to decide who will be cooking ...you or her.

Basically just make a list of things with her and decide the ground rules. Make sure you write them down and save them in case someone forgets.

Good luck. I am sure things will work out just fine once all the rules are set and life begins to unfold. Hopefully there will be things and places for her to go during hte day so you will by yourself.

reply to this comment

necee t. Oct 30, 2007, 12:35pm EDT

hi Ann... i think you have many good ideas that will be helpful...
you're on the right road to make things as pleasant as possible...
God bless you and your family...

reply to this comment

Felix R. Oct 30, 2007, 4:24pm EDT

All I can offer are my...sympathies.

reply to this comment

Alison H. Oct 30, 2007, 4:45pm EDT

If she is moving in temporarily, does that mean there is a moving-out date?

reply to this comment

Ann Weaver Hart Nov 1, 2007, 10:18am EDT

Good point, Alison. Temporary, by definition, has an endpoint. She's moving in between homes. Selling a home 100 miles away and buying one in our town. That makes "time certain" for moving out a little iffy. I suppose hubby and I can set a date after which we'll take responsibility for getting her a new place.

reply to this comment

M-I-L Without the Blues

Comments: 10

Join the Conversation

You might also like

More by Ann Weaver Hart