Everything I know as a mom, I learned on the job

One night as I was lying in bed, wondering if there was a racehorse somewhere thinking he had to pee like a mother of three, I reflected on some of the things that surprised me about motherhood. (I was also thinking, "Good lord, woman, get up and pee! What is keeping you here?" But I wanted to listen to my little girl breathing a bit longer.)

1. My arms have not met the sides of my torso in bed in what seems like years (see Exhibit A), but I totally don't mind. My daughter sleeps tucked under my right arm, forehead snuggled into my side and one arm flung over my ribcage. If she rolls away from me, she tosses one leg back across my hip. Annoying? Nah. When I sleep away from home, I have to tuck an extra pillow next to me so I can fall asleep.

2. No matter how much I might want to gain a little distance from my kids, as soon as I do I start noticing and wanting to cuddle any children I encounter while I am away. Seriously, I may beg and plead and bribe to escape to run errands in order to keep from selling my brood at the flea market, but wave a baby at me and I'm all, "Awwww, I miss that age."

3. Routines and rituals work. Well, duh. But the ones that work the best are the ones that have been practiced well over long periods of time. Small example: each night since my middle child began sleeping in his own bed, I have done two things. First, I pull each layer of bedding up over him, naming each one. If not totally stressed out, I'll pretend they weigh a ton and sort of heave them over his shoulders, which just slays him. Then, I'll ask, "Will you come see me in the morning when you wake up?" And I wait for an answer. He always makes eye contact. And then (almost) always goes right to sleep.

4. Charms work. When my guys didn't want me to leave after story time, I was desperate for a way to peel myself away without tears and begging. (And that was just me.) So finally one night I said, "OK, I have just what you need. Hold still. I will apply Protective Kisses." And then I launched myself at any part of them I could reach, kissing at a rate of three thousand kisses per minute. Head, back, torso, arms, until I at last I pulled back, exhausted, admired my handiwork, and sighed, "That oughta hold you until morning." And you know? It does.

5. Charms are transferable. Take my friend's kids. When I was visiting overseas, I was in the guest bed where her little boy usually slept while renovations were underway. So, he shared a bed with his sister while I was there. Put a three and a four year old in bed together, and they WILL NEVER SLEEP. And? Never stay in bed. So I tried out the Protective Kisses. They listened, wide-eyed, as I told them how it protected my children and kept them safe and happy until morning. The littlest was all over it, and was further convinced that it only worked if she got kisses on her back at the end. I love her.

6. I forgot where I was going with this post. But I guess that would be a good wrap-up item. Motherhood robs me of the ability to carry a thought through to the end, but I don't mind overmuch. I'm usually smiling too much to care.

 -- Melinda Roberts is author of The Mommy Blog

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