Going Home Briefly or What Happens to Us When We Die?

 
This is a complicated question with no simple answer.  Many have had near death experiences.  That gives us some clue.  Many people have their belief system.

I haven’t had a near death experience; but I did have an experience while this body was still very much alive.  I’m sharing it in hopes that it may give others comfort.

Not too long ago when there was a channel on television called Wisdom I heard the phrase falling awake.  This is a good description, because the first sensation I felt prior to the experience was that of falling, a sort of free fall...you know that falling experience that you sometimes have before falling asleep.  The difference was instead of falling asleep I fell awake – truly awake.

The experience is not as vivid as it once was in my mind, although, the longing of re-experiencing it has entered my mind on a daily basis.  This might give you some insight as to its impact on my life.  It happened in November 1992.

It seemed to have become clearer to me once again after my divorce, and gave me comfort, probably because a haze had lifted at that time, and because I needed the comfort of it as well.  At any rate, it is the experience I long for again, more than anything else.  It seemed more real than what we term as reality on earth.  After this experience I see everything around me as maya or illusion.  What happened to me was the only true reality.  Of this I am convinced.  I have over the span of years had other experiences of an astral or loving nature, but none to compare with this one.

After the falling sensation, I found myself floating out in the universe, as a ball of energy, around other balls of energy, which were like stars to me.  It was totally beautiful, and reminiscent of our Hubble telescope images of space.   I felt I was part of the Milky Way Galaxy, as afterwards, that is what I thought it most resembled.  The things I experienced were total bliss and ecstasy, and that I was a part of unconditional love, oneness with God.  I intuitively termed it as Source during the experience.  This unconditional love, wisdom and all knowledge were the Source of everything.  My experience of God was of this unconditional love, which emanated from the center, radiating outward. Although, I was experiencing all of this love and oneness, I still felt individuality.  I felt that the other lights where also souls.  Some of the interpretation comes from thoughts afterwards.  During the experience I knew all knowledge and wisdom where readily attainable; however, it all went away after the experience.  I didn’t ask any of life’s questions; although I think anything would have come intuitively.  All I cared about was being cradled in the arms of God, like an innocent baby, metaphorically speaking.  The other thing was the non-existence of time, which seemed perfectly natural, but was hard to understand after coming back into this existence.   Everything on this plane involves time.  With God time didn’t really exist.  It was like going home for a short period.  I can’t really tell you how long it lasted in earthly terms.... I think only minutes, as compared to hours.

Some people may describe this as out of body; however, I was more aware of what was happening in my body during this time than ever before.  It was as if I could feel every cell.  I was perfectly aware almost in a surreal way of everything physical, like I was in the body and in the heaven existence at the same time.  I didn’t want to come back from it, but when I thought of wanting to remain in this state was when I started to come back.  I could see this world in the background. Yet it was in black and white, and only an illusion, but still important or necessary. I looked at the sphere called earth knowing it was a school and a learning experience.   My daughter was just entering her teens.  My longing to remain there actually preempted any responsibility I felt as a mother.  The compelling force to stay in this bliss and ecstasy, and the unconditional love of God was so strong that nothing on earth could have held me.  Words cannot explain it.  Somehow I knew everything would continue and be fine without my earthly existence.  But these thoughts ended the experience. 

There were no words spoken to me, or no meeting of any entities, just energy, and everything and everyone composed of energy and oneness and unconditional love.  For weeks afterwards, I had so much energy, and tried so hard to repeat the experience.

I wondered if this was happening to others.  I thought it couldn’t be.  If people knew this, there would be no wars, no anger of any kind at all.

Maybe one day again.... hopefully I will fall into this perfect state of bliss and love again.  There is absolutely nothing in this earthly existence that can compare.  If you even take the most loving experience you’ve ever had and multiple it one thousand times, you still could find no comparison.  When I’m listening to music now, I relate it to being in love with God.  Sinead O’Conner’s song, “Nothing Compares to You,” says it, as does the words to so many love songs.  I see God as all.  When I read Rumi, I know what he was talking about.  I have had other experiences, some major, some minor.  I think a lot of what I experience comes from this first experience.

I have no reason why this happened.  I have tried to analyze it – although I had another experience regarding this, which I will write about later. 

After this there was no more “just belief.”  There was “knowing.”  I termed it as going to heaven.  I hadn’t pictured heaven this way.  It certainly wasn’t in human terms as it is so often described.  I grew up in churches preaching fire and brimstone.  So, I expected to see a judgmental Jesus in clouds.  I’m not a churchgoer anymore, and wasn’t at the time this happened. 

I have found spiritual people along the way since this happened and talked about it and found others who have also had similar experiences.  I have read.  I learned the term Samadhi.  I know there are different levels.  I briefly encountered one level.  Five years ago, through synchronicity, I picked up a book in our house, not knowing where it even came from or how I had it.  It was by Yoganada.  Since then I’ve been reading him almost daily.  He lived this experience everyday.  I could literally see this heaven in his eyes in a photograph of him, taken right before the death of his earthly body.   

I’m hardly anyone special.  I have no idea why this glimpse of God was given to me.  I still have no answers; well, maybe a few more than I did have.  I know that unconditional love holds everything together.

I heard a statement from Deepak Chopra; although, I don’t think it is his originally; and I may not have it exactly right.  “Every saint has a past.  Every sinner has a future.”  This statement certainly gives us all hope.