Triggers

Every year my employer offers free flu shots.  I work for a large health insurance company.  I believe that they want to keep us well, so we will not miss work.   They hire an outside company to provide the shots, and it is done in our lobby.  There are some that don't like the shots, but I always take advantage of this opportunity. 

When I had gotten dressed Friday morning, I did not remember that I would be getting a flu shot.  I wore dress slacks and a fitted dress shirt that buttoned up.  I went down to the lobby, and it was horribly crowded.  I had to wait about a half an hour for my turn to sit before the man giving me my flu shot.  I went to roll up my sleeve, and he said that would not do.  He said I needed to unbutton my shirt, and pull the shoulder down.  I had to unbutton enough that my breasts were exposed.  I was wearing a bra, but a sheer one.  I was very uncomfortable, because there was no screen, and this was in front of a crowd of my colleagues.  I was extremely uncomfortable, because the man looked at me inappropriately. 

I have PTSD, and this was a big trigger for me.   I couldn't really voice how inappropriate it was.  It was a trigger and started a host of other feelings.  After the shot, I buttoned up my blouse and walked back to my building somewhat in a daze.   I couldn't focus.  Finally, I told my coworker what had happened.  He told me that I should really provide feedback to the HR department about this experience.  I will do that, when I return on Monday. 

I continue to work through the issues associated with the PTSD, but I never know when a trigger will hit me.  It is a long process of healing, learning and growing.