by B F.
Member since:
December 2, 2005

Strange Lost and Found

October 26, 2007 06:07 PM UTC
views: 0 | comments: 22

In my elementary school years, I was physically fit and extremely active...  When I got to Junior High and hit puberty, my hair changed from blonde and curly to brown and wavy.  That didn't bother me too much (I just got perms)...  I gained weight despite still being as active as before...  I didn't care what other's thought and didn't pay any attention to the weight as a problem...

Once in high school, I realized I was the "fat friend"...  Really, I wasn't too overweight...  I still didn't care what people thought about my looks, style, or whatever...  I wore baggy clothes and was definately a very athletic and active tomboy...  Okay so my thighs bothered me a bit...  At the time, I really wasn't into boys, makeup, or anything "girly"...  I was content to just be me...

When I went to college, still weight and looks didn't concern me.  Running with the boys kept me active and I enjoyed it.   I really liked that the boys liked me for me...

I suppose I should attempt to paint a picture of my weight...  I wasn't too large-I have a big rear end (often referred to as a "ghetto booty"), thick thighs, "child bearing" hips, and a decent sized chest...  The typical Large t-shirt was baggy and if untucked covered me down to about the knees...  The Large blouse was far too tight...  A size 14 pants, went over the thighs and hips, but even a belt didn't keep the back of the pants from bubbling up so everyone could see down them when I sat...  I dealt with it by not tucking anything in...  For prom, I had to get a size 18 dress to go over my chest despite it not being larger than a 36C...  That proved to be difficult to find a dress I liked (I am not a dress person)...  Knee length skirts were too short due to my bubbly butt...  If it didn't have an elastic waist, the back would be noticeably shorter than the front, but I avoided skirts...

With my first and second pregnancies, I weighed just around 180 lbs at the time I had the kids...  The first one was 7 weeks premature and the second was full term...  After I had my daughter, I dropped weight fast...  I dropped to around 130, when my normal was 150...  I am a VERY short person by the way...  After my son, I went back to the normal 150 range...

Last year I became very sick and it took months to diagnose the problem...  I was dropping weight rapidly...  After all the tests and visits to the doctor, they decided I was suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Irritable Bowel Syndrome due to stress and anxiety...  Now after all these months the doctors now realize I was sick from eating tainted peanut butter, spinach, iceberg lettuce and all that...  However, I felt like I was losing my mind when repeatedly told there was nothing wrong with me, and I was having all kinds of symptoms that made no sense...  The medications they gave me crossed the blood brain barrier and offset my chemicals...  I was given over 25 medications to "try" for a week or two in an attempt to resolve my stomach symptoms in just a few months...  Thus causing the GAD and making the stress worse...

In one week, I went from 147lbs to looking like I was dying with my eyes and cheeks sunken in...  Every article of clothing literally fell off of me...  I started to gain weight again after finally getting help with the IBS and GAD...  Everyone tells me I look healthy now and I feel much better...

The point of this is that despite losing all that weight, I found a new weight problem...  I do not weigh myself and don't care to...  I noticed at a doctor's appt that I had gained 5lbs since the last appointment...  This completely startled me... 

Why is it that weight never bothered me before and I am freaked out now if I think I have gained a pound??? 

I eat a healthy diet and exercise as much as I can find time to...  Still I can't let myself look in the mirror when I get in or out of the shower, or when being weighed...  I even went to the counselor about it, because everyone was telling me I was too small and I was excited about being "skinny" for once...

So has anyone ever dealt with losing weight and then becoming weight obsessed???

 

Comments: 22

Midnite Writer -- Kim Oct 26, 2007, 6:13pm UTC
Sounds like it changed the way you view your body. You don't want to go back to being that overweight "fat" friend. I hope you found healthy eating habits along the path. It sounds like you may have. I am also freaked out because I gained 8# back after losing almost 40. I guess you just don't want to return to what you were before.

If you need proof, look at pics from before.
Midnite Writer -- Kim Oct 26, 2007, 6:14pm UTC
I would suggest finding out what your healthy body weight/BMI is and go for it. Do some toning exercises and you won't look so sunken in. You may gain from weight bearing exercise but it sounds like it's okay.
The Red Headed Witch of Gather G. Oct 26, 2007, 6:15pm UTC
Yes, I'm currently there.
B F. Oct 26, 2007, 6:22pm UTC
Alison~I have done more research than I care to admit... I increased my fiber intake (natural fiber) and found that to be quite helpful...

Kim~I have gained enough to lose the "sunken in" look and try to stick to a healthy diet, but I still love to eat things I know I shouldn't from time to time. Mainly I need to up the water and lose the diet soda...
Jaye S. Oct 26, 2007, 6:23pm UTC
I haven't had this problem. I would say make sure you are healthy and comfortable at whatever weight you are. Gaining weight isn't always a bad thing if you gaining weight from muscle. If you start working out and toning up, you could gain weight from that. Numbers aren't always everything.
Elaine B. Oct 26, 2007, 6:34pm UTC
Yes, about 5 years ago. But I'm okay now because my weight is under control.
Stephanie S. Oct 26, 2007, 7:17pm UTC
i rarely look at a scale anymore I am afraid of it
Stacie N. Oct 26, 2007, 9:44pm UTC
When I first began losing weight, I became a bit obsessed. Now, with a combination of how I feel, look in the mirror, weight, and measurements, I try to stay at a healthy weight. But: it's a combination of these things, not just one.
Kelly M. Oct 26, 2007, 10:30pm UTC
I am more weight obsessed now - but I am 30 pounds over where I would like to be..
Priscilla P. Oct 27, 2007, 12:17am UTC
Holy cow what a rollercoaster ride. I only think of my weight when my pants get too tight then I go back on strict Phase I South Beach until I level back out and the pants are comfy. Good Luck!!!!
J. G. Weddle Oct 27, 2007, 5:35pm UTC
I am a little heavier than I prefer to be.
Sam Carana Oct 27, 2007, 9:48pm UTC
Thanks for sharing. Sometimes it helps to replace one obsession with another one. The trick is to find a good one. Some people call me obsessed for writing so much about global warming. Cheers!
Lynda K. Oct 27, 2007, 11:17pm UTC
I think most people worry about their weight more than they should. I also think this has to do with what we see in magazines and on TV. Eat this don't eat that. Do this or wear this or take that and you will loose weight. I did all of this until last year when I had to have open heart surgery. Not because I was sick or overweight. I got sick one day and the next day I went to my doctor and then he sent me to a heart doctor for a stress test. I had 2 main arteries 99% blocked. So I had to have a double bypass.
The moral to this. If you feel good and are doing the things you love. Quit stressing out about your weight so much you will just make yourself sick. Life is to damn short and stress can kill you quicker than weight. As long as you aren't way to heavy and you keep active you will be fine. Just love yourself.
M M. Oct 28, 2007, 7:47pm UTC
I am very weight conscience. Too many people in my family overweight, it's in the genes. I do it for me though. However sugar, it is what is inside that counts, not the outside shell. If we are happy as we are, then the heck with who ever it bothers, it's their problem. Be you, God bless you honey.
Donna Besso Oct 28, 2007, 8:33pm UTC
I am overweight. Not as overweight as I was in March. I've lost 25 lbs. actually it was 35 lbs. I gained 10 and I am not happy about it. I am a food addict. I always have been and I always will be. I do try for health reasons to watch what I eat, call me weak I just have to binge once in awhile.
Birdee F. Oct 29, 2007, 1:36pm UTC
I was always the skinny friend, but after HS I became a bit overweight...not too bad though. now that I have had my kids I am at the 150 weight, and I still think of myself as skinny until I look in a mirror or when I am trying on clothes...I am shocked! :o( But I still won't own a scale cause I think they just cause trouble more than help ;o).
Christopher K. Oct 29, 2007, 3:21pm UTC
no im sorry,i cannot relate
i have always been skinny..i have a fast metabolism to where i can reat constantly all day long and not gain a pound..and trust me,i eat alot...this is the most i have ever weighed..and i am almost 160lbs..like 157 lbs to be exact..only thing i have is a slight beer belly,lol
Jennifer G. Oct 29, 2007, 4:50pm UTC
I am definitely obsessed with my weight but not because I have recently lost alot. It's more because I cannot, for some reason, lose weight since my youngest was born. I have actually gained quite a bit of weight over the past 4 years and with my sister losing 63 lbs my family has been putting all kinds of pressure on me to lose weight and be like her. Which only adds to my stress and that doesn't help since I am an emotional eater.
donna h. Oct 29, 2007, 8:43pm UTC
I am heavier than I want to be
Sarah (I want points) Oct 30, 2007, 11:35am UTC
I think everyone worries about weight to some extent... You know, I just think it's all about trying to have a healthy balance of everything... exercise, healthy food, food you enjoy... and trying not to obsess too much about what the scale says.
Hi,
You've been through so much, it seems normal now how you're feeling. Throw away the scale and go by your mirrors and how your clothing fits, maybe? You've really gone through a lot.
Hugs,
Marilyn

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