For the first 40 years of so of my life, I considered myself a Christian. I was a member of numerous congregations of two major denominations during my travels through life, ending up in the Episcopal Church.
One of the things I liked about the Episcopal church was that it welcomed doubters. If human reason failed, the church seemed willing to have the humans in that condition, rather than demanding that they toe the line.
One day, some diocese or other consecrated an openly gay bishop. This was comparable to an earthquake in the church. Many opinions were voiced, and some congregations declared that they were in "impaired communion" with the diocese in question. It was the first time I had ever heard of such a thing. The congregations were saying, in effect, "You did something we don't agree with, so we think you might not be our brothers." It was a very intolerant stance for the Episcopal church that I was familiar with. I minded my own business, and moved on.
And then the United States of America embarked on a "War on Terror," which looked then as now, more like a war of conquest. It went against everything that I as an American, as a Christian, and as a compassionate human being believed. Before we invaded Iraq, I put a bumper sticker on my car and a sign in my window. Both said "No Iraq War." People shouted at me on the highway and at stop lights. One lone woman approached me at church. "I agree with you," she told me, "I don't understand how these people (meaning the members of our church) can support this thing."
At the time, our church was looking for a pastor, so we had employed a retired priest as interim rector. He was one of the most dedicated Christians I ever met. I truly admire him. I went to him after the service one Sunday and asked him to pray for peace.
"I don't know why I didn't think of it," he replied, "There's a perfectly good prayer for peace in the Book of Common Prayer."
The next week, we prayed for peace for the first and last time. After a few weeks without the prayer, I asked why we weren't praying for peace. His answer was something along the lines of it being difficult to do in a "heavily militarized" parish. I was stunned; then I was angry. I still went to church, but I definitely understood the concept of impaired communion in a way I never had before.
It took a while for me to see that the priest was merely afraid for his livelihood. This made it easier for me to forgive him, but that much harder to continue to worship among the "heavily militarized" flock we were both members of. Then the search committee found a new priest.
Hoping that we were on the cusp of a new beginning, I continued to go to church, long after I had serious doubts about wanting to associate with the members of a congregation who would fire a priest for praying for peace. The new rector turned out to be, of all things, a reserve chaplain in the U.S. Marine Corps! Leaving aside the fact that some of the founders objected to the armed services even having chaplains, I was astonished.
It didn't surprise me, at all, however, when shortly into his tenure with us, he was called to active duty in Afghanistan. I viewed the whole story as poetic justice, and stopped going to church.
That was a year ago. The chaplain/priest has returned, and we're all supposed to be one, big, happy family. Many of the people at the church that I have seen and talked to seem to think that politics and political thinking are somehow outside the realm of the church, as if our actions can be compartmentalized, and therefore have no effect on, nor be affected by, our spiritual beliefs. That sounds a whole lot like double-talk to me.
Now is the time for our annual pledge drive. They send me letters urging me to "take my pledge to the next level." They haven't even noticed that I don't go to church there! I've been MIA for over a year, and they haven't even noticed.
It's a tiny church. We have maybe 110 households in the parish. I did not get lost in some megachurch roll and nobody noticed. Either they chose not to notice, or they don't care. Except, of course, when it's time to pledge money.
It's a good thing I don't think I need these people to get to heaven.
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Comments: 33
Thanks for your article - I wish you the best.
Have you considered Unitarian-Universalism (http://uua.org/)?
Rom 3:10 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:
The only pedestal to which we subscribe, is to the one who is most high. '
Hang in there with what faith you have.
Without faith it is impossible to please him, for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6
I am a spiritual being, first, foremost, and always. What I do directly impacts my spirit, causing me to have inner peace or to lack it. The trappings of religion are conventional. I could easily integrate myself into any religion that did not violate my sense of good and evil, by which I mean they didn't intentionally inflict pain on animals or children or practice human sacrifice, etc., but part of being whole is having connections with others. My complaint here is that while severing my connection with the church caused me pain, apparently went unnoticed by my "family" (for such Christian churches purport to be).
Try letting go of your anti-religious bias long enough to see that this is a story about people.
Just yesterday, on a thread dealing with the possible "war" with Iran, amidst the many thinly veiled declarations that "they" are inhuman monsters, and must be bombed to save us from their bloodthirsty intentions. I saw a comment inferring that such was "God's work", and somehow condoned by the Book. I said that Christ was perfectly clear about how we are to treat our "enemies", and that he is my Lord.
Another on the thread told me "you have to admit there is a gigantic difference between national enemies and personal enemies, which is the type Jesus was being asked about".
So, yes, it is through a "compartmentalizing" rationale which I believe many justify advocating or condoning violence and hatred. How very sad that with but a little push, many turn their backs on God, and the anointed one, as if it is we who read the Word that understand best what it means. As if Jesus could not grasp the intricacies of political, economic, religious, etc., animosities. Or that if someone had but asked, he would have surely given the "green light" to bombing nations, if one felt frightened by scary images of those "other" creatures. If some public servant pointed and scowled.
Enter ye at the straight gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat
In a small sense, I was hurt terribly by someone in leadership in my own church, and then I realized I had been focusing on the tares, and not the wheat. I choose now to think on the right things:
Phil. 4:8. Finally brethren whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of a good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Sometimes God allows us to become disillusioned where we are, so that he can move us in his will. Only you can ultimately decide to go or stay.
I do completely understand your post and how hard it is to feel invisible, but for your gift, and to feel compromised where you serve. It is the curse of sin, and an imperfect world. As a spirit filled creature, you can no more leave your faith, than you could leave off breathing. You simply have to find your way and your church family.
THE DOG CHAPEL
Welcome
All Creeds, All Breeds.
No Dogmas Allowed.
"Consumer Religion"
Yes, Jesus called it Mammon, and made it quite clear that it was not possible to adhere to it's shallow doctrines, and remain with him.
Yet, you include this concept of "no dogma" in your pleas, and so depart from rational thought, for that is just your "dogma". Such slight of hand fools only the gullible, and reasoning people understand that whatever God truly exists cannot possibly be so fickle as to be pleased by frivolous opining about Their ability to communicate through the written word. Whether a REAL God chose to employ that means is debatable, whether they could have, is not.
While I certainly see much effort by those I believe you are reffering to as the "right wing", to suppress alternate views, I also see a grave danger of accepting such behaviour from those we might identify as "left wing". Many glowing words and the pretty images they evoke can easily turn to persecution and hatred of any who question those words and images, in the belief that without such questioning, paradise would blossom.
That is, I believe, just what the "right wing" foolishly believes.
With the news media, academia, and the churches largely under corporatist control, you will not likely see anything like that in the near future.
I see millions of people grooming and primping millions of custom made gods. Specially carved to bless each and every little flutter of sentimental self righteousness that wafts across the imagination of silly children, convinced their emotions are sacred forces.
As the real world teeters on the brink of global chaos, they whittle away.