About 15 years ago, I was camping with some students on a weekend in late October. As we sat around the late night campfire, another teacher thought it would be a good idea to tell ghost stories. I didn't know any ghost stories, so I made one up. I've never written it down before and I did embellish my original oral version a bit. I have no experience in writing short stories, so please forgive my lack of style and form.
It was a cold blustery moonless night in the middle of October and the only sound heard was the harsh rustle of withered corn stalks as the wind mercilessly tore at the lifeless plants. According to big city folks, a small farmhouse stood in the middle of nowhere, twelve or more miles from the small city of Glidden in western Iowa. Mrs. Parker and her daughter Jolene, age 10, were the only occupants, since Mr. Parker had been unfortunately fallen to his death a month earlier while patching the house roof. Those with Mr. Parker at the time said it was the strangest accident they had ever seen. According to the inquest, Mr. Bemis had reported that a sudden strong gust of wind had come, picked up Jules (Mr. Parker) and had just suspended him in the air for about a minute and then the wind just stopped and he fell to the ground and was dead. The strange part was that his cousin Jim, who was next to him, had not felt any wind when this happened. They were fixing the roof because it had been a bright sunny day with no wind at all. That wasn’t the only strange thing about this case according to the coroner’s report, which found no cuts or bruises on Jules body and that he had died wearing a big smile. The toxicology report showed no drugs or alcohol in his system and no internal organs were damaged by the fall. Simply put, there was no reason for Jules to be dead and the coroner had to file his death as, ’From unknown cause’. Mrs. Parker and Jolene were devastated by this loss, but what made matters worse was that the mortician could not get the smile off of Jules face. His facial muscles had become so rigid that they were like concrete and the mortician did not wish to make incisions and possibly disfigure his facial features. When Mrs. Parker went in to identify her husband, as required by law, she had become hysterical with grief seeing him lying there with a big smile on his face. Her requests for a closed casket and quick funeral were granted and now a month had passed and she was struggling through her grief to provide a good home life for her daughter. It was a Sunday night and tomorrow was a school day. Jolene would have to get up early and walk a half mile to the General Store to catch the school bus at 6:45 a.m. It was already 10 p.m. and well past her bed time as Mrs. Parker tucked her in. She went back to the kitchen to clean up when she heard Jolene scream.
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Comments: 52
Did she look out the window and see dandelions everywhere? Had Lynn left moon pies with chocolate ant centers? Had Sheila slipped into the room and eaten all of Jolene's caramel ants?
And why was Jules smiling?????????
O.k, O.k, This is your story, but please hurry!!!!!!
About 15 years ago, I was camping with some students on a weekend in late October. As we sat around the late night campfire, another teacher thought it would be a good idea to tell ghost stories. I didn't know any ghost stories, so I made one up. I've never written it down before and I did embellish my original oral version a bit. I have no experience in writing short stories, so please forgive my lack of style and form.
It was a cold blustery moonless night in the middle of October and the only sound heard was the harsh rustle of withered corn stalks as the wind mercilessly tore at the lifeless plants. According to big city folks, a small farmhouse stood in the middle of nowhere, twelve or more miles from the small city of Glidden in western Iowa.
Mrs. Parker and her daughter, Jolene, age 10, were the only occupants. Mr. Parker had unfortunately fallen to his death a month earlier while patching the house roof. They were fixing the roof because it had been a bright sunny day with no wind making it safe to work. Those with Mr. Parker at the time said it was the strangest accident they had ever seen.
According to the inquest, Mr. Bemis, one of the neighbors, reported that a sudden strong gust of wind had picked up Jules (Mr. Parker) and suspended him in the air for a minute. The wind suddenly stopped and he fell to the ground - dead. The strange part was that his cousin, Jim, who was next to him, was not aware of any wind.
That wasn't the only strange thing about this case. According to the coroner's report, there were no cuts or bruises on Jules body and he had died wearing a big smile. The toxicology report showed no drugs or alcohol in his system and no internal organs damaged by the fall. Simply put, there was no reason for Jules to be dead. The coroner filed his death: 'From unknown cause'.
Devastated by the loss, Mrs. Parker and Jolene could not believe it when the mortician could not get the smile off Jules face. His facial muscles had become as rigid as concrete and he did not wish to make incisions and possibly disfigure the facial features of the body.
When Mrs. Parker went in to identify her husband, as required by law, she became hysterical with grief as he lay with a smile that traveled from ear to ear. She requested a closed casket and quick funeral.
A month passed and Mrs. Parker struggled through her grief to provide a good home life for her daughter. It was a Sunday night and tomorrow was a school day. Jolene would have to get up early and walk a half mile to the General Store to catch the school bus at 6:45 a.m. It was already 10 p.m. and well past her bedtime as Mrs. Parker tucked her in. She went back to the kitchen to clean up when she heard Jolene scream.
If you're looking for critical feedback, the only thing that comes to mind for me is from a book I'm reading at the moment, where it suggests I should use as few adjectives as possible; it says pick stronger nouns, or else pick the best of a set of adjectives. Don't know if that helps, but I kind of like the book.
I like your story too - love the smile. Really intriguing.
Maybe you should write a funny version and a scary version.
paragraphs make it easier to read. Thanks William for a great tale
Hope you have a good evening and a spooky good night!
And I am NOT SINISTER!!
Excuse the mistakes here but it's difficult typing under a mattress. Where do you get these shots Wilma? What kind of neighburs do you have?
Great story Bill. Now you've started something. Watch for a flood of spooky stories.
Next time we go camping, you come along. Come and frighten the daylights out of my friends.
But I won't tell you where to go....everyone has the right to their own opinion!
And who, besides Edward would give me usable advice on my writing?
I like this story, where ever its going!