The World as I See It

I have been following the Montgomery Case lately; I am sure you have all heard of this, where Lisa Montgomery was just convicted of killing Bobbie Jo Stinnett to get her baby.  First the prosecution argued for the Insanity Defense, and now that she has been convicted, I see that they are trying to convince the jury that mercy is called for because Lisa was sexually abused as a child.  In a totally different news story today, I saw where a mother was aquitted of child abuse charges stemming from the genital piercing of her daughter in order to make sex less enjoyable.  These two cases are completely different on the surface, but the end result is ultimately the same.  In both cases, two women are accused (and in Lisa Montgomery's case, convicted) of terrible things, yet neither one is being held totally responsible for her actions.  In the case of the mother who made her daughter have her genitals pierced, it sounds as if mom was upset and jealous that her daughter was having sex with her (the mother's boyfriend), so she forced her to be mutilated and shamed (mom also shaved her head) out of vengeance.  To me, this sounds like a clear-cut case of child abuse, but apparently the jury thought the mother was somehow justified in doing this (or at least torn, which amounts to the same thing, an acquittal) and she has basically walked away without being held accountable for her actions.  The same tactic is being used in the Montgomery case, where we are somehow supposed to feel sorry for Ms. Montgomery because she was abused as a child.  In my opinion, neither one of them is being held truly accountable for their own choices, and therein lies the problem.

I cannot stand to see people look to their past as an excuse for their current choices.  At some point, we all have to grow up and say, "You know, my life sucked, my parents drank a lot and were abusive, we went hungry a lot, but it is over and done and I get to move on."  I know without a doubt that our childhood can and does shape who we are, influences-for good or bad-the way we view the world, but when are we going to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions?  Unless you are so mentally damaged as to be unable to function in anything other than an institutional setting, YOU are responsible.  Nothing more, nothing less.  On another site I belong to, one of the current, hotly debated topics is the question about who is to blame for violent kids; the responses are varied, from parents to the media to the government, and it just blows me away.  To an extent, I totally agree with the parents being somewhat responsible, in terms of how they raise their children. Kids who grow up in violent homes often grow up to be violent people, kids who live in poverty and neglect often turn to violence as a means to try to contol their own environment.  Often, kids are violent when their parents simply don't care enough to make an effort to know what their kids are up to, like the Columbine Shootings. I don't believe that the parents caused either one of those boys to want to go on a killing rampage; however, had they been more aware of their boys' doings, they may have been able to get them some help.  Maybe not, though, and regardless of circumstances, those boys were the ones responsible.

In a general sense, we as parents love our children so much that we want to protect them from any harm, but this kind of attitude doesn't help our kids any.  My theory is, life is hard, so you better get used to it.  People will make fun of you, hurt your feelings, taunt you and make you feel left out, but it is no excuse for taking a gun to school and killing them.  You are going to be turned down for a job you really want, your heart will be broken, you will lose people you love.  There will always be someone who looks better than you, has more than you do, and also has really nice teeth.  The key to being happy is, in my opinion, accepting the fact that life isn't and never will be fair, so you have to move along and do what you can to make your own little corner a good, happy place.  Ultimately, we are reposnsible only for our own choices, and the sooner our kids realize this and have to face the consequences, the better off they AND our nation will be.