Paranoia: Vacation To OZ: Part Six

We had safely landed, but I really did not know how, so I looked out the window and said, 'Holy purple cow!' The woman closest to me asked me if I was from India, then said, 'My name's Bhawana and I've four things to ask you sir.' She seemed to not be flustered by the situation we were in as I looked skyward and said holy cow again. She started saying holy cow and urged others to join in. I finally got her to stop and she gave me an impish grin. I said, 'You need to know the cold hard facts.' She smiled sweetly and then said, 'I just want to be a copy cat' and I looked out the window again. I looked around the plane and nobody seemed to be upset. Most were having conversations or talking into their headsets. I noticed two seats were empty, so I looked at the seating chart. Donald and Norma were missing, but I knew they couldn't have wandered far. Just then out came Wilma and I asked her what procedures we should do and she got on the microphone and said, 'There'll be no dancing till we figure out what to do.' She then brushed back her hair and this she said to me, 'I have to be prepared to celebrate each day I've survived another four days of working.' Now the plane started rocking and I was getting scared and Wilma tried to calm me by saying, 'we often have bad hair days in the air.' I said, 'Where is Magi?' and Wilma said with a laugh, 'He's in the horizontal position and Norma's been flying the plane I guess.'

I made my way to the pilot's cabin and found Magi in the horizontal position on the floor. He looked at me and said, 'My bagpipes are quite sore' and I saw maybe 30 empty cans of Guinness or maybe more strewn on the floor. I saw Norma in the pilot's seat and she was cutting pieces of fudge and giving it to Donald who looked like he was deep in love. I then asked Norma, 'Emergency procedures have you read?' She stopped feeding Donald and told Magi, 'Go to the head' and then said quite coolly, 'I am to the point I can't remember what you said.' She then asked me if I was a dancer, and I said, 'No!' and felt my face turning red, to which she replied, 'Don't flood me with answers.' I was at my wit's end. Then I saw Wilma waiting as Magi come out from the head. He said, 'Bring me a Vegemite sandwich for I need some energy to get my engines fed.' Without a beat he continued, 'We must start soon building the boats. Do you have all the cans we need and by the way are we still afloat?' I thought it wise to leave Magi and go back out to the passenger side for I thought I might be able to calm anyone with tears in their eyes. I was dumbfounded by the scene that greeted me for it looked like everyone was happy, but some seemed to be meeting secretly. There was Elsie, Lynn and Rita and a woman I later found out was named Marge and I swore I saw a llama eating from Vegemite jar. Well, I walked backed to listen to what these women were cooking up. I mean if they were planning a mutiny, I was going to convince them on giving up. Now when I got close, I saw the llama reappear and then just vanish seemingly as if it wasn't here. There were more women than I had noticed who were part and parcel of this group and I heard Lynn say, 'This is just too cool.' Some of them seemed happy and some just a bit angry. I heard a lady named Penni D say, 'Who would want to harm an old granny?' Elsie I thought said she was stewed, and I felt confused when Rhoda said, 'I seldom have a problem with onions.' And then she continued, 'Someone told me to hold an unlit match between my teeth' and felt surprised when they all agreed.

I was standing there listening and trying to believe my ears, when Bernadette whispered to me, 'Be careful: Magi is tempting to lead you into the middle of nowhere.' Marge then grabbed my arm and said, 'Don't you hate when men do that.' I did not know what to say as a response, then overheard someone say, 'Tardus.' Just then Fred appeared and softly said 'such and such amok' and then said to Marge, 'I heard rubbing a llama's nose with yours brings good luck.' Marge said, 'Love your hot tub answer for they are driving me nuts' and Fred replied, 'I understand your words are a shot from a different angle' and agreed the llama was not enough. Rhoda piped in, 'I once had a giraffe rub his nose on my shoulder' and Fred asked her, 'Can you dance?' Before Rhoda could answer, Sheila moved closer and said, 'I loved the revelation about her past and her choice to dance.' Now Rhoda replied, 'I wonder what a real bunny would think? and Fred realized she had just said no and went to get a drink. Now a lady named Elizabeth asked me if I'd seen Dr. Who and seemingly quite worried and said, 'I need to find that phone booth.' I started to walk away, but Rita gave me quite a shock as she looked me in the eyes and said, 'We are the bullies on the block.' Then Reena came up behind me and said, 'Very interesting hair style.' I thought maybe they figured me to be a spy and felt confused because they smiled. Reena said, 'To err is human' and Maureen softly said, 'I like many kinds of nuts.' She then continued, 'I had been a lifeguard and taught swimming' and just then Elsie stepped in and told them they had said enough. Elsie seem a font of kindness and told me she would help me to escape. I was about to ask her what she meant when I heard a commotion on the plane. Fred was running to and fro and then Magi asked him of his need. Fred said, 'I'm looking for those life jackets that are suppose to be kept under the seats.' Magi said, 'Please come look at the beer can boat we've built for you to captain. It's built for speed' and Fred seemed delighted, but not so Barbara B. She turned up her nose and said, 'It looks like a Pygmy goat to me with braces on its teeth.' Magi said, "Have no fear my dear, we'll build one for your special needs' and Barbara B smiled and sang a short Elvis melody. I saw Elsie had found this quite alarming and said, 'I'm way late for yesterday morning.' She then told the other ladies that the time is soon for our escape and I was about to join them when Wilma and a few thugs grabbed my arms and whisked me away. I was pressed into service to build beer can boats. I then saw the Tardus and ladies running to escape before the door closed. Then in an instant the Tardus had vanished and I heard Magi say, 'I made a mistake. I should have never allowed Elsie on this plane.' Wilma said, 'I know this sounds awful, but when she learns how to open cans, we'll be in trouble.' Magi just nodded and walked away. I started building the beer can boat quite afraid. I was now a prisoner in the land of OZ.