Life blog

I think it's understood, at least from those I know well, that when you are a parent or caregiver, there isn't much "me" time.  It's a chosen path for many, some are thrust into it, but most do it willingly and thankfully. It's not always planned--nor sadly, wanted.  But it's usually taken and dealt with as best as possible. That includes financially.  Most of the time...well, I do have needs. I need new shoes, and not in the sense of "I just got this outfit and none of my shoes work!" But my kids' needs are more important, more pressing.  So I can't go out and spend money on me. The last that I did, it was ORDERS FROM HEADQUARTERS(my mom :) ), and gifted money. And I still wound up spending some of it on the kids...but I enjoy that, so it's different.

Same with marriage, or other living arrangements. Most of the time, you get a choice. As adults, we chose where we live and with whom(to a point, financially it isn't always the best). Sometimes the choices we make seem good, but don't end up that way.  And, as in a "marriage" it's "...for better or worse."  People tend to forget that part. It's difficult and causes strains.  I envy the people that can get past those strains and make it work. 

In most of my relationships, it couldn't; it just added more strains, stresses, and pain until neither of us could handle it.  My only marriage ended badly, but there was more problems originally than we could shake a stick at. BUT, we did end up much better friends.  I can't say that for most other relationships, but that one was a total growing and learning experience. And I'm very glad now that it did happen.

Other relations haven't worked out so well...I've lost money(if it was just me, the money wouldn't have been important); self-confidence; I've been humiliated beyond all belief; degraded; hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've obviously been too impulsive in that area. I take partial blame.  Just as it takes two to make a relationship work, it also takes two to break it. We all have choices, and even though they can depend on our situations and whatnot, they are still ours to make. 

I've  made some bad choices in my life.  I'd like to think of them all, eventually, as learning experiences...but that usually doesn't happen for quite awhile afterwards.

My next planned stop, will be alone, with my girls.  I've given myself four to eight years before I decide to make any kind of other commitments, at least, relationship-wise.  It's a step I need to make.  I do have to say tho', I did need some help getting here, and I DO appreciate the help I've gotten; but I really need to just be with my kids, and get them thru' childhood.  Besides, anything/anyone worth having, is worth waiting for.