Garage Band Confessions -- Single Word Challenge: Envy

It made me laugh, only because I've known way too many people that did just that, and were in a band just to get girls.

Good work though. Thanks for sharing.

It's true. They will.

It /is/ a poem about envy, Joseph. :)

Thank you all so much for reading. And I play that game too, Amy; I'll be going along and wander into a bizarre phrase, and think, "You know, taken out of context, that'd be a great name for a band." That's how this little poem got started, actually. "Cup of Spiders" and "Allusion to the Pubis" came out of daily conversation; the others were made up for the sake of character and in-jokes. :)

Well, I can't win them all. :) I'm glad you got a chuckle, Liz; if it's any consolation, the band names were chosen in order to establish the character of the speaker and to channel a little of my own past.

Cup of spiders is part of your daily conversation? LOL. I guess you ARE a poet. Fun read, James. Cup of Spiders, btw, gets my vote.

Hehehe, this was great! Thoroughly enjoyed :D

Proof that every poem need not be serious. I think Study in Gray would be a great band name, but for myself, I'd want to be the tamborine girl in Sweatflesh Thighcake Jones.

Tom-- If I'm remembering correctly, that phrase came from a perfectly mundane conversation. :) I picked up a long-disused mug with cobwebs in the bottom, and said something like, "I'm going to clean this out. No one wants a cup of spiders." Which says something about my housekeeping, I suppose.

Tory-- I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Corinna-- Congratulations, gorgeous, you're in the band. :) I still don't have a garage, but I can play several chords, so we're about ready to hit the road anyway. Stardom awaits!

Ooooh. I'm going to have to invest in a pair of go-go boots.

Diversion is wonderful James, but I'm honestly more impressed with your more serious pursuits. Comic structure is extremely hard to achieve, and the hardest decision in craft is whether the medium you adore suits the fancy you are chasing. I'd say it doesn't with this subject matter, though the matter is hilarious in itself, and your brain is fantastic. I'd say this flight is more suited for prose, James.

Disclaimer: I offer criticism because you are a serious academic, not because I mean offense. Gather has a bit of a crooked smile, pat on the back attitude that is fantastic for egoism, which in itself can push us forward, but does nothing to improve us in further respects. The best of us (not that I am included) require criticism as well as praise, however it is harder to find as your work improves and your refinement escalates.

Thanks for the comment, ND; I appreciate your opinion. To the extent that I have any talent as a poet, I'm probably better at serious pieces than I am at comic ones. That said, I enjoy tongue-in-cheek poems like this, so I feel compelled to write them from time to time. :)

For the record, I always welcome constructive criticism. It's not offensive to me; often I'll be able to take something away that will improve my work, and if I simply disagree, I'll stick to my guns. I love the supportive atmosphere of Gather-- it does encourage one to write-- but I also like honest observations on how I might improve.

James, I truly enjoyed the way you used the challenge your first time out. I did not see this as a comic poem. Apparently, I missed the point. But from the first sentence, "When I learn to play guitar," to the last "And then everyone will want to sleep with me," I see the hurt and envy of the outcast and the lonely.

But so long as we are confessing, I was in a band that we named gnat debris for about two hours. :-)

You didn't miss the point, Tracey. :) It /is/ a funny poem, one on level, but I admit that I chose the band names carefully to suggest a certain personality; you've described that personality well. For me, the piece is "funny in an uncomfortable way."

And Gnat Debris is a great name for a band. ;)

Wow. That was neat!

"And then everyone will want to sleep with me." On first reading it is amusing, especially the names you chose for the bands. The ending just takes you to another place; a place of uncertainty and desire to be powerful in some way. I like this very much.

Love all the band names, and the way you wrapped this up so tightly!

Deft, and yes, envious. ;-]

This is sweet-- it sounds exactly like the musings of a smart, geeky 15 year-old boy. A nice change of voice for you as well.