Am I For Real........... [who am I?]

[I got an email this morning asking if I was for real, from someone who will remain anonymous, unless they decide on joining this thread and expose their identity.  Seems like a simple innocent question but by time I responded I had written several hundred words.  And as I read my response back, although detailed, I discovered it was generic enough to share with Gather and perhaps help some of you get to know me a little better.  A little better than that little moniker I have affixed to myself, "the world's only Christian werewolf poet and photographer" who dabbles in construction management]

AM I FOR REAL ?

WOW. How do I answer that? I am for real, in that I do exist and I do present to the world exactly who I am. What you see is what you get. I am not handsome and I am not monetarily rich. However, I am not as ugly as an ogre and I'm not poor. I do have a heart filled deep with compassion and love. Too much love sometimes, or maybe it seems that way because I am still looking for an outlet to share it with. I enjoy making love but I am of the opinion that the act itself is sooooo much sweeter if there's feeling, true feelings, involved. I have had both casual sex and sex with a woman who has meant a lot to me. The casual sex cannot hold a candle to the other.

I am not perfect and I would be lying if the thought of someone thinking I was, didn't make me nervous. I am not the answer to anyone's problem although I have a knack for true caring and I don't mind walking through a fire or two. I was very spoiled growing up since all my siblings were so much older than me. And being spoiled means I am on the selfish side and that I am easier than most to get annoyed - I think these results of being spoiled are controlled by the laws of physics.  Me being so much younger was the reason that I had no grandparents to cherish me or to offer me their wisdom. And, yes, my mom did have me write my dead grandmother from time to time when I was young. Especially when my friends would all be off from time to time visiting their grandparents. It was therapuetic and did to some extent put my grandmother in my life.  My mom and I didn't always get along but she was a wise woman and my dad was a great man - especially to all those who knew him. So, if I am blessed with any admirable traits I will have to acknowledge my parents for providing them and I would also have to thank God for making me their son.

I do believe in God but strict organized religion is a turn-off to me probably for two reasons. Reason number one is that I probably spend more time off God's glory list than on it and reason number two is that when I go to church and I see all them happy families, the sight emphasizes to me just how lonely I am and I get depressed. I don't fault God for either reason. I tend to get my ownself in trouble and I did have a shot to be with my daughter as she was growing up and I blew it.

I had no notion you were leaving me such an encompassing email when you asked if I was for real. LOL, you probably didn't think so either. My driving earthly goal is to be like my dad (haven't got there yet, probably won't) and my eternal goal is to just get my foot into Heaven's door. I don't need all them riches and treasures in heaven like the ones waiting there for my sister. She's earned them! If God gives me a little grassy knoll, a shade tree to rest under for, say, the first 10,000 years and a nearby shiny brook to listen to - I'll be just fine. I love the sound of a babbling brook.

And one final thought: I really don't think Streaker (my canine companion) is a dog. I truly believe she's an angel in disguise. An angel I most assuredly do not deserve. Whew! I am glad you only had that ONE question. May you have a blessed day.

- Robert