by April B.
Member since:
June 1, 2007

"Women & Body Image" Gather Chat 10/17 @ 8pm EST

October 15, 2007 02:14 PM EDT (Updated: October 16, 2007 09:27 AM EDT)
views: 130 | rating: 10/10 (9 votes) | comments: 117

Hi friends,

The Girls Night Out group was nice enough to select me as hostess to one of their Girls Night In chats, and I wanted to discuss something that is important to all of us, regardless of size or weight -- body image.  

This chat will take place on Wednesday, October 17, at 7:00 p.m. CST.  (I believe that's 8:00 for those of you on the east coast and 5:00 pacific.)

All you need to do to join in is to return to this article at that time and keep an eye on the comments.  Keep refreshing, as they will keep rolling in, and add your own!

I hope to see you here :)



--

April D. Boland is a freelance writer and editor.  Originally from New York City, she now resides in Austin, Texas where she enjoys reading, writing, soaking up culture and taking advantage of the beautiful outdoors that she never had back home.  She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Della Donna, a webzine for women for which she heartily accepts submissions.  Her published work can be found at her website, AprilBoland.com, and she blogs about writing at These Words.

 

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Tips For During the Chat:

To jump into the discussion, all you need to do is type your question in the comment box below (if you're not already a member you will need to join Gather in order to post a question). To see others' questions and my responses in real time, simply hit the refresh button on your browser. You will need to refresh your page continuously to see each new
comment.

 

 

> Click here to join the Girls’ Night Out group

> If you’d like to invite your friends to this chat, click here!

> Click here to return to the Girls’ Night Out group on Gather.
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Comments: 117

Kimberly Ripley Oct 15, 2007, 3:00pm EDT
A very important topic indeed!
April H. Oct 16, 2007, 1:08pm EDT
I will give it a try
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 7:52pm EDT
Okay folks ... welcome and thanks for being here! :) I would like to start the chat with a couple of questions.

What does it mean to have a positive body image?

Why is it important to have one?
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 7:57pm EDT
I think it means that you accept and love yourself the way you are right now...not 10,20 or 30lbs less than now.

It is important to have one for your self esteem, self worth and self acceptance.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 7:58pm EDT
"not 10, 20 or 30 lbs less than now" - I like that a lot. It's hard to do for many of us though! :)
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 7:59pm EDT
I know...I'm in that boat of wanting to be 30lbs less and not feeling too good about myself right now.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:02pm EDT
I have been struggling with my weight for most of my adult life. It wasn't until I hit 40 that I began to realize how quickly life goes by. I stopped trying to be the person that others thought I should be and got comfortable with who I was.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:03pm EDT
Good for you Sarina :) I am only 23 but I feel that I have wasted much of my adolescence worrying about this. For example, right now I would kill to be at the size I was at a year ago, and back then I thought I was "so fat."
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:04pm EDT
My way of thinking is that if someone is unable to accept me for who I am, they are not worthy of my friendship. I no longer worry about what society thinks of my size. Pfffff, life is too short to worry about what others think.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:05pm EDT
I definitely agree with you April. I lost 43lbs last year, then my husband died and I've gained back 27 of it by emotionally eating. I am soooooooo disappointed with myself and just can't get back on track yet. I have to be easier on myself and realize it was a tough year, I had 2 surgeries, was on steroids for 40 days for poison ivy, now I just have to refocus.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:05pm EDT
I was so obsessed with being the size I wore in high school that I kept a pair of shorts that I wore when I was 17. I finally gave them to my daughter when I was 42.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:05pm EDT
You raise a good point... though I wonder how we can distinguish between what others think and what we ourselves think. Having a positive body image has nothing to do with how others see me - it has to do with how I see myself. So how can people stop linking their self-image with the opinions of others?
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:06pm EDT
I agree with you Sarina, but I just feel unhealthy. I go by my self feelings. According to the charts, I should be 80lbs thinner, but I feel better when I am 30lbs thinner.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:06pm EDT
I'm sorry you went through that Danielle. I have found that the self-loathing doesn't motivate as well as loving myself does. If we love ourselves we will want to take better care of ourselves. But loving ourselves shouldn't come from being a certain size, it should just be something we realize we deserve.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:08pm EDT
I guess my major question is when does a natural concern for my health cross the line into having an unhealthy body image and trying to measure up to society's standards for beauty?
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:08pm EDT
I was unhappy with my body, unhappy that I was struggling, unhappy that I couldn't eat things that I liked, unhappy that I thought people were watching everything I put in my mouth, unhappy when people would say that I had such a pretty face and if I could only lose the weight that I would be such a beauty. SNAP!!!! I am beautiful. I need to eat. I now eat healthier foods. I exercise. I enjoy my life. People respect me.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:09pm EDT
There was a time when I would only wear shorts and a tank top to the beach. I wear a swimsuit now.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:10pm EDT
Why should only the skinny people be allowed the pleasure of wearing a swimsuit and laying on the beach.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:10pm EDT
Sarina, I admire you for realizing that and that it worked for you.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:11pm EDT
So do I. I just wish that more people could, myself included.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:13pm EDT
It takes work, I know. Been there, done that.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:13pm EDT
I remember a time when I hid in the house, sat on the beach fully clothed and was miserable.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:14pm EDT
So how can we get more women to accept themselves like that?
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:14pm EDT
I had little self-esteem. I was afraid of what "others" thought of my fat ass.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:15pm EDT
I just don't know how to accept myself right now just the way I am. I don't feel sexy or like I look good at all. How do you come to that point Sarina?
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:15pm EDT
Encourage them to think better of themselves. From your photos I see you both as beautiful women who glow with life.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:15pm EDT
Will it take the media changing the way they portray women? Or simply something that we as individuals attack within our families, our churches, our schools? What is the best method for enhancing young girls' body image?
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:16pm EDT
This icon pic was taken this time last year 30lbs ago!!! I was down to a size 12 and felt great about myself, but I was still considered overweight for my height...but I felt great. To finally get there I took diet pills and fasted...totally unhealthy...
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:17pm EDT
I still have my moments when I put something on and rip it off before a single wrinkle can set in. Hormones suck and rule the mind. But, you need to chase the black thoughts away. Some days it is easier said than done.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:18pm EDT
I was always considered overweight. Where does this end? The charts that are used for weight and height are outdated. They need to be changed.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:18pm EDT
I tell my boys that I love them all the time and that they are handsome and that God loves them as I do just the way they are. If I was spoken to that way, maybe the media wouldnt have the effect as much as it did to me.
Just look around at all the magazines and such, if you are overweight you are gross and disgusting etc etc...
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:19pm EDT
I agree, Danielle. Even if you hear that you are beautiful from your parents, what will you hear from other children at school?
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:20pm EDT
I have been up and down for many years. I lost 75 lb about 10 years ago. I gained almost 40 of it back and am losing it again. I know I will never be the size I was in high school or even before I was married. I eat healthier now and exercise (probably not as much as I should, but I keep moving).
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:20pm EDT
My current boyfriend and I reconnected after 20 years (we dated in high school for 4 years) after my husband died. He saw me put on the weight over the last few months and he says he loves me no matter what. I am very lucky for that, but I just want to feel better with me.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:20pm EDT
I grit my teeth when I think of how media portrays women and how they should look.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:21pm EDT
You need to hug yourself more Danielle.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:21pm EDT
I feel bad because I exercise 4x a week for 30 minutes, but I still think people must think I am inactive and lazy because I am overweight.....I am FAR from inactive with 3 kids..I run run run, but still gain...
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:22pm EDT
Metabolism has a lot to do with our ability to lose or gain weight.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:23pm EDT
You are so sweet Sarina...I also think after joining a bible study group, that women are way too hard on each other. If we treated each other with much more kindness that we could support each other as we are here instead of being petty and tearing each other down.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:23pm EDT
Look at Oprah. I watched her show where she took us on her daily routine. She is up before dawn and exercises. She exercises at night too. Sorry, I am too pooped at the end of my workday to workout!
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:24pm EDT
April, I am sure it makes it easier for you since your boyfriend is supportive too!!
You are very beautiful too!!
Its funny cause I dont look at others weight when I love them, but can't understand how they can love me while I am overweight...LOL hence I am WAY too hard on myself.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:25pm EDT
How hard that had to be for Oprah...the nation watching while she succeeded for failed.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:25pm EDT
Hi Guys! April- what a great topic- I am a Pilates INstructor so this is a big issue for me
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:25pm EDT
Yes, some women have internalized sexism and unrealistic beauty standards, and then we are our own worst enemies.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:26pm EDT
Hi Angella
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:26pm EDT
People really need to feel o.k. with wherever they are in order to get where they want to be
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:26pm EDT
My husband loves me for who I am. He will tell me that he would like to see me get more fit, but for my health. I know that my knees won't take the pressure and my back will ache more. I am working on that. He doesn't nag me like my first husband did.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:26pm EDT
Thanks Danielle.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:26pm EDT
I live in Scottsdale AZ where plastic surgery is top business!
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:27pm EDT
It's a shame because no one gets to see the 'real' you
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:27pm EDT
Heck, I there was a time when I would do my hair everyday, wouldn't leave the house without make-up, always looked great. Now I don't even wear mascara. I look great without it.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:27pm EDT
Husbands can be really great and sometimes not so great- in the support business
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:28pm EDT
I don't know if you ladies saw my other article, but the National Organization for Women has launched a Love Your Body campaign. Tomorrow is Love Your Body Day!

You should really watch the ppt when you have time, it's great...
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:28pm EDT
And forget about the hair. There are times when I am practically standing on my head when I am cleaning and the hair is best when put back with a hairband.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:29pm EDT
I dart around in my workout clothes withut make up, but I have to say, I feel better when I have make up on and nice clothes- more confident I guess
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:29pm EDT
I hope I can keep working on me to get where you are Sarina.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:29pm EDT
Yes, I saw that ! I think it's wonderful
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:30pm EDT
There was a time when I needed the make-up to feel confident. Now I use my smile.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:30pm EDT
The PowerPoint presentation shows actual ads that are degrading to women, and then more positive ones...
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:30pm EDT
I think we need more chats like this.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:30pm EDT
You are right, a smile goes a long way....
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:32pm EDT
I am sure these chat can't hurt. It shows that we support each other and that other women are out there that feel as we do. The ultimate message is that we are not alone.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:32pm EDT
I know this is cliched, but years ago Marilyn Monroe was the main sex symbol, and she was a big girl - super curvy - and beautiful.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:32pm EDT
What about Mae West.....
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:33pm EDT
Some of the problem is with inrealistic realty shows - like the Biggest Loser
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:33pm EDT
I don't want to be supermodel skinny. I am big boned and will never be skinny, but I want to be thinner.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:34pm EDT
If I had a trainer and a cook I am sure I would be thin!!!!!!!
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:34pm EDT
Unrealistic I meant- they work out for hours a day and then everyone else at home feels like a bum because they don't lose weight as fast
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:34pm EDT
I do not watch the Biggest Loser or shows like that.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:34pm EDT
I have never seen the show, though I used to watch something called Weighing In or something.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:35pm EDT
Yeah, the cook thing is a biggie- youcan work out all you want but if you don't eat well it's back to square one
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:35pm EDT
Danielle, I gave up on being thinner. I am now focusing on healthier. I have lost 12 pounds since May when I began working my current job.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:35pm EDT
I don't watch them anymore either. They are inspirational, but who can dedicate hours a day to exercise? It is very unrealistic.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:35pm EDT
I only watched a few episodes because my clients were watching-
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:35pm EDT
then I told them to stop watching!
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:36pm EDT
And many times people don't realize they aren't eating well ... a lot of "healthy" foods, especially in restaurants, are full of calories.
Danielle P. Oct 17, 2007, 8:36pm EDT
It's been great ladies. We have to do this again, but it is bedtime here at the zoo for the kids, so I gotta run.
Thanks for all your support.
Good night
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:37pm EDT
or starbucks for goodness sake! Smoothies aren't much better at 500 calories per drink
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:37pm EDT
Take care of yourself Danielle! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:37pm EDT
bye Danielle!
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:37pm EDT
I pack a lunch every day. Bring fruit and a snack too. Even though the 100 calorie packs are expensive, they are my salvation.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:38pm EDT
Angella, do you deal with clients with a negative body image often? How do you usually help them?
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:38pm EDT
Yep Sarina, me too (re: the 100 Calorie Packs).
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:38pm EDT
It really comes down to knowledge about what you are eating- Some people think just because it's a salad it's o.k. to eat
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:38pm EDT
Hungry Girl is also an excellent tool!
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:39pm EDT
Oh, all the time on a daily basis- I always remind people at the beg. of a class that wherever you are today is o.k.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:39pm EDT
They made the effort to take time for themselves and be healthy
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:39pm EDT
Gosh I know people who are pencil thin and are obsessed with losing weight. They tell me how fat they are.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:40pm EDT
But at the end of the day, there is nothing I can do or say - if that person doesn't want to believ it themselves
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:40pm EDT
I know- I try not to engage in that coversation -it's s lose/ lose
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:40pm EDT
I suppose I am most concerned with how to prevent this cycle in future generations... I have three baby sisters and don't want them to face the same pressures. When I was in high school, I took diet pills and went on very unhealthy fad diets because I thought boys wouldn't like me.

How do we improve the whole body image issue when there is so much (i.e. magazines, music videos) working against us?
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:41pm EDT
I like Hungry Girl, but sometime they use too much articial stuff---- ick
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:41pm EDT
It just starts with loving yourself I think and the rest falls into place
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:42pm EDT
People need to think better of themselves and shut out the voices and opinions of others.
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:42pm EDT
If you love yourself enough to take care of your body, you won't have to worry about wweight issues
Angella *ThePilatesLounge.com* H. Oct 17, 2007, 8:43pm EDT
So anyway, I am bummed because I have to take my son to preactice- but it was nice chatting with you! Happy Good Body Image day and Thank you April!
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 17, 2007, 8:44pm EDT
I did the same thing April. When I was in high school I remember eating a slice of toast for breakfast, a grapefruit for lunch, and vegetables and a thin slice of meat for dinner.
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:44pm EDT
Thanks Angella, take care!
April B. Oct 17, 2007, 8:45pm EDT
Ugh, I did this