Over the last few years, I have developed for myself a Dad Spectator code of conduct – a set of 10 rules (commandments is probably too strong a term) for myself as Soccer Dad.
1) When in town, games take precedence over all other entertainments and social events up to and including University of Texas football games.
2) Get the kid promptly to practice and games.
3) Allow a practice skip or two per season.
4) Express frequent and effusive gratitude to underpaid/volunteer coaching staff. Period.
5) Learn the rules/be an intelligent spectator.
6) But never watch practice.
7) Maintain an unflappable Zen-like detachment when watching games.
8) Carefully maintain, update and double-check the practice/game calendar.
9) Learn the names of the other boys on the team (and maybe even a parent or two).
10) Win, lose or draw, always say the same thing when the games are over: "Did you have fun?" followed by "I love watching you play."
Though I'm pretty sure that in the course of last weekend, I blew almost all of them.
A few examples:
#5 – Soccer Mom: What was that [penalty] for? Me: [shrug]
Later…
Soccer Mom: Why is that offside? Me: Uh…it has to do with the ball.
#7 – Bubba is having one of his best games, and he's getting double his usual playing time. Suddenly, my usual sideline affability evaporates, and I develop a razor-focus on the game. My usual jokes are replaced by loud exclamations that sometime verge on coaching-type suggestions. I try to convince myself that I'm on a new campaign of support and self-esteem development when I realize that I haven't stopped "cheering" for about ten straight minutes.
#9 – I think there's one kid named Tim. Pretty sure.
#2, #8 – The low point of the weekend was the 2/8 combo that I pulled on Saturday. Even though this is Pearl's first soccer season, and to watch six year old girls play soccer is to nearly suffocate from cuteness, I have not yet seen her play. That's because I get tapped to take Bubba hither and yon for his games, and up until this weekend the two played at nearly the same time. A Sunday game for big bro', and I'm in. I get to watch the Pearl of the Pink Shinguards.
Despite my highly synched iCal, my triple checked emails cross-references to the club website, and my carefully positioned and tuned Garmin, we show up at precisely 2:45 for a 1:45 game.
This is like a punch in the gut. 
It is my ambition to someday be able to claim that I take on my full 50% of the domestic and child rearing tasks that confront our household. I'm not there yet, but one place I definitely bring value is in the coordination and management of soccer deployment (#8). So not only do I miss getting to watch the game, I have to surrender some serious brownie points.
Ouch.
I did a pretty good job on #1. The Cowboys didn’t play until Monday night.
Clay Nichols, Family Correspondent:
Clay’s column, Dadventure, published twice monthly to Gather Essentials: Family, is a sure-fire guide to raising flawless, perfectly behaved, and always obedient children. Yeah, right.
Clay is the co-author of Filmmaking for Teens: Pulling Off Your Shorts, an award-winning playwright, and the Chief Creative Officer at DadLabs.com, a fatherhood website.
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Comments: 9
Jennifer you are killing me with jealousy! Both kids on the same field! Most weekends my kids don't even play in the same county! And please don't get me thinking about the sustainability of all that...
Brenda -- I wonder if the expectations of parent fans are subtly different for football than for soccer...
Soccer Dads and Moms deserve credit for caring, no matter how imperfectly things go. I was guilty of yelling a little too "enthusiastically" once. Once.
But I still think of it.
I try very hard to follow the "parent" rules. but sometimes it just doesn't work. I know the kids names but sometimes I call them by the wrong names. I always claim it is the sun in my eyes!
What is an iCal and what is a Garmin?? I better get cracking my kids are already 2 and 4.