I'll Never Forget You Dallas

Today it is one year since we lost our beloved fuzzy boy Dallas.  He was the joy of our life and we never could imagine life without him.  Over the past year the grief has turned to happier memories, but the sadness is still there.  Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get over the loss of him.  I was just telling my husband the other day of how clear Dallas' beautiful face is still to me.  I'm always afraid that with time, that may fade, I couldn't bare that.  Our dogs Coco and Indiana are a comfort.  When I look at Coco I can still see her playing with Dallas.  Below is an email I wrote the day Dallas passed and I wanted to share it once again.  As I read it the tears run down my cheeks once again.  I'll never forget you my sweet fuzzy boy, my little angel. 

Dallas

1989 - 2006

It's hard to believe that when I returned to work today, after a week vacation, that I would be returning to house empty of Dallas.  As some of you know, Dallas had successful eye surgery on both of his eyes last spring.  We were thankful of this since we were told he could not undergo another surgery.  Bob called me at work today, around noon, telling me that he was at the vet with an emergency for Dallas.  His eye had ruptured and we needed to put him down.  It's was hard to believe after just having the most wonderful weekend with him.  We took Dallas to see his Grandpa and Grandma on Saturday and he walked all around the yard.  We went on a walk, me and Bob and Dallas and Coco, my Mom and Dad and Tasha, Mom and Dad's dog.  Dallas was pushed by me, in his own stroller.  It was such a wonderful day.  Dallas never looked so good.  So, you see, it's really hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that he is gone.  I'm dumbfounded and numb.  It's funny the things that keep coming to mind at a time like this.  Our Christmas cards are preprinted with Dallas on them, do I through them out?  No, I can't do that.  I remember the man that lived in the condo next to ours in Orland Park that had to bring his little daughter down to see the dog that always looked like he was smiling and so happy.  The German Lady that we would run into many times on walks in the park saying that I was going to heaven, I asked why, she pointed at Dallas.  The abyss of depression that I'm sure Dallas helped me out of.  I just can not believe that our fuzzy boy is gone, I can't.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, especially Bob as he went through much of this alone.  Dad was with him when they took Dallas to the crematorium.  It's been a very hard day, to say the least.  Thank God for family and friend's love and support.  I tried to keep myself composed as I left work today to walk to my car, but as I looked up at the beautiful blue heaven I sobbed to God, where is Dallas and told him how much my heart hurt.  I was having a hard time driving home and I had this image of Dallas laying at the feet of God, with that beautiful happy smile on his face once more.  I was able to smile for a minute and compose myself until I got home.  I can't even imagine married life without Dallas, since our friend Linn gave him to us very shortly after we were married.  Our fuzzy boy has always been a big part of us.  Next time you see me, ask me to show you my new tattoo.  I got it a week ago last Saturday.  It's my kids paw prints.  I asked Roger, my tattoo artist, to put them on the top of my thigh, so my kids will always be in my lap.  You can't imagine what that means to me now.  God, I feel like I'm in such a bad dream.

I want to share with you the prologue from the book, A Breath of Snow and Ashes; it is by one of my favorite author's, Diana Gabaldon.  I can't get it out of my head since I first read it...

Time is a lot of the things people say that God is.  There's the always preexisting, and having no end.  There's the notion of being all powerful - because nothing can stand against time, can it?  Not mountains, not armies.

And time is, of course, all-healing.  Give anything enough time, and everything is taken care of:  all pain encompassed, all hardship erased, all loss subsumed.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  Remember, man, that thou art dust; and unto dust thou shalt return.

And if Time is anything akin to God, I suppose that Memory must be the Devil.

Love,                                                                                                                                             Sandy