From the Journals of Talia Solis

Excerpts of this appear in my first unpublished novel Traitor.

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The sky can darken; fog can settle across the land, people can believe what they want. I do not understand and never will. But that is the way of the world. Nothing is ever as it seems, fleeting mirth comes and goes again. I know, because of the phone call that changed my life forever. I was only three years old; incapable of comprehending the devastation I would have felt had it happened to me now.

Yes, I was young, but I had always possessed a talent of understanding. It was of course unusual, especially in one so young and naïve in the ways of the world. It was a bleak dreary day. The clouds were grey and mottled. They blocked the healing light of the sun and gave the entire landscape for miles around a surreal grey quality.

I carelessly played with toys in the mansion's nursery. Mara Schultz, my babysitter, watched me as she knitted a scarf for her elderly mother. My mother and father were out shopping for groceries.

"Talia, get your hands out of the cookie jar." Mara glanced at me for a moment. Then the phone rang. Mara sighed, and stepped over to the telephone panel on the wall. She pushed the receive button.

"This is the Solis residence, how may I help you?" Mara stayed on the phone for several minutes. In that indeterminate amount of time, her mild expression went through a repertoire of every single emotion I can comprehend exists. When she hung up, Mara turned to me with an expression of such pity and heartfelt sympathy, that my younger self almost understood.

"Talia," Mara took my two little hands and held them as she squatted down in front of me. "Mommy and Daddy aren't coming back."

"What?"

"Mommy and Daddy are gone to heaven." And then, painfully, comprehension, my only gift at the time, dawned on me. I knew the sad and tragic truth. My parents were gone to me, gone forever. Like a rose trampled in the grass, my childhood was wiped out in that moment of revelation.

* * *

Now, here I sit in a prison cell in a maximum security facility, after my life has twisted and turned in even more insane directions.

For so long, my uncle raised my sister and me. He was rarely home and often away on business trips to earn the family more money, to add to our already enormous bank account.

Lena and I stayed in the mansion together over vacation. We played silly games, and we talked. She knows every one of my deepest and darkest secrets. And I know each of hers. We never parted, and our relationship is as deep as the universe is wide. We were always together.

But not for summer. Summer, I bid both my sister and my school farewell and spent the entire two months with my friends. I lived for the summer. I could just let my burdens go during summer, and that is exactly what I did.

It was during a summer a few years ago, that I came across Mr. Thomas E. Stone. Thomas was the country's most famous and loved leader. He recruited me to join the government's newest agency-an intelligence that is the equivalent of America's CIA. Thomas became my mentor. I have never known a loving relative; with my father dead and my uncle as distant as the stars. But Thomas became my father in all but legality.

I had thought he and I shared familiarity. I had thought we had happiness together. I honestly did. And I am not afraid to admit that. Why anyone would even for a moment consider that I helped kill him is beyond comprehension.

I think now that the concept of familiarity and happiness is not reality; in fact, I believe that it is a fantasy we become lost in. Why do I believe that? Because I had been having the time of my life with the people I loved just weeks ago, and now I am locked inside a prison for numerous crimes that I never dreamed of committing. It is true than, that happiness is just a faraway dream. So is constancy, with the exception of friendship.

* * *

We swam in that pool for hours, exhausting our strength. It was my ninth birthday.

"Talia," Dianna lowered her voice to a furtive whisper.

"Yes?" she dangled her legs in the rippling water.

"Know what? You and me, we can tell each other anything in the world. Even about-" Dianna glanced about the sunlit patio then put her face close to mine. "Puberty." She giggled. The sun highlighted her hair.

"Of course. I'll be glad to share anything with you."

"Me, too."

"Yes. We'll always be best friends. Through danger and through happy times."

"Always?" My answer was affirmative.

"Always."

"Together, then."

"Together." I agreed.

***

It is not as though there is much of a future for me. I have been told I will stand trial. No doubt, the trial will be made very public. And from what I have been told, there is no doubt that I will be found guilty on all charges.

I am told that my crimes are treason, conspiracy, and robbing the national treasury. Treason for aiding the government of Zhedora, which has tried to extinguish our country's flame many times. Conspiracy for assisting in the making of the plot that destroyed Thomas's life. And robbing the national treasury is exactly the way it sounds.

But of course, there is no possibility that I would ever do anything to harm Thomas, even in the smallest way. When I was told he had been kidnapped, I could feel the darkness of the world closing in. When I was told he was dead, my world shattered.

***

It was a rainy day. Grey clouds filled the overcast sky; the land was sodden and wet. No wind blew, no birds chirped; all was still. I sipped a cup of tea in the breakfast nook. In my silken bathrobe with my soft slippers, I waited for the sun to peep over the clouds. Ironically, it was another phone call that ended my life for the second time.

My phone rang, and Lena answered it.

"Hello, this is the Solis residence."

After several minutes, Lena hung up and turned to me, with anxiety in her eyes and written on her face.

"Yes?" I asked. "Is it bad?"

"The Empress is coming to see us."

After a half hour, the doorbell chimed. The noise was so sudden after the silence that I nearly jumped to the ceiling.

I slowly strode to the grand entry hall. The chandelier was switched off in the dim and shady hall. I opened my door.

It was the Empress, as my sister had predicted. She was-and is still-the nation's figurehead. Although President David Jackson was the real leader, Sapphire still had some power.

"Talia." The Empress sounded weary, her voice slow and tired. "He was murdered last night. Sabre-X killed him. Thomas is no longer with us." Tears waited in the corners of her eyes.

Those words brought my temporary happiness to an end. Any bliss was terminated at that moment. No sooner, and no later. That is when everything started to go wrong.

* * *

Sitting on the corner of the prison bed, I am alone in the tiny room. I have all the time in the world, and nothing to do with it. The world spins around me; I bask in its glow. I am lost in my thoughts and dreams, they swim around me.

Life is a gift bestowed upon us by God. It is all around you at once and flows within you. I cannot think of any other explanation for our presence here on earth-for our consciousness. Life seems to be so monotonous. I used to go to church every Sunday. Reverend Forst used to tell his congregation with empathy that life is full of meaning. Perhaps he was right, perhaps he was wrong. I slip into a dream, a kind of surreal reality.

***

I am lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and walls, painted in uniform color. I am nothing, I am everything. I encompass the consciousness of my essence.

"Talia?" I look towards the barred door, but all that is visible beyond the iron is shadows and darkness. "Talia." I turn and see Dianna. She is standing outside the one window.

"Come on, hurry up. I don't have all day." She smiles and gestures. Behind her, sheathed in dazzling white, is Thomas.

"Talia." He reaches out his hands, reaches to meet me. "Now is the time. Do what you must, but do no more. Reach out and always remember that love is the universal key. It will open any locked door."

Thomas smiles knowingly and lovingly. And then, I know. I hear the sound of crystal laughter. In my heart, I know it is my mother.

Everything happens for a greater purpose, perhaps even death and imprisonment. I laugh and Dianna laughs with me. We clasp hands together and spin around in a circle. Yes, all the time in the world.