Things I have learned from being a mother and wife…
1. Closing the bathroom door is not going to give you any peace and quiet. It’s just going to make it possible for the kids to pound on the door as they scream your name.
2. Women fart just as much and are just as stinky as men. We are just discreet about it, until we’re married that is.
3. Children actually do come with handbooks (i.e. What to Expect the First Year by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff, and Sandee Hathaway or Myths of Child Rearing by Joseph Rosner) they all just have very different suggestions on how your child should be raised.
4. EVERYONE is going to make comments about what is best for your child whether they have ever met you or not.
5. Take up reading, besides sleep, it is the only way you’re going to be able to escape reality.
6. The older they get the louder they are able to scream and the longer they can keep at it.
7. There is absolutely no reasoning with a three-year old, no matter how hard you try.
8. The toilet bowl really does look like a child-size swimming pool.
9. Dogs will not eat popcorn.
10. Urine-soaked baking soda still smells like urine and sticks to everything.
11. Chocolate chips cookies can be just fine for dinner once in a while.
12. Coins don’t pass through a child’s digestive track too easily, neither do batteries.
13. Clothes pins can entertain a kid for hours.
14. Child birth is an extremely spiritual experience. You spend hours upon hours praying the Lord will just kill you and take all the pain away.
And you thought your education was over once you left school.
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Comments: 5
Thank you so much. I really needed this laugh this morning!!!
I smiled the whole time I read this.