by Lavonne www.bildurdreams.com
Member since:
August 27, 2007

The Sea

October 05, 2007 05:33 PM EDT
views: 36 | rating: 10/10 (10 votes) | comments: 11

I feel you call to me

beckoning to your warm

clear water.

 

 I wade in waiting for

your wave to take me under

its churning foam.

 

 Down, around I go 

while your current pulls me

hopelessly further out to sea.

 

 I gasp.  Water and pain fill my

lungs while lower and lower

you take me till

I AM NO MORE.  

 

My first attempt.  Please let me know what you think, good and bad. 

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Comments: 11

June b. Oct 5, 2007, 5:52pm EDT
unnerving!
William M. Oct 5, 2007, 5:53pm EDT
I'm not really into poetry, but I think it is great for a first attempt.
Mel B. Oct 5, 2007, 6:13pm EDT
It was a good first attempt, but poetry can never truly be rated unless its by you.
t b. Oct 5, 2007, 10:41pm EDT
Oh this is Good Lavonne. And it speaks to the water baby in me.
I almost drowned in the undertow on Santa Monica beach as a teenager.
I have always been grateful that I was such a good swimmer even then or I might have lost my life.
Keep writing!
Lavonne www.bildurdreams.com Oct 9, 2007, 9:42pm EDT
Thanks everyone! At least I didn't get any "hate" mail, so I'll try another one soon.
The Red Headed Witch of Gather G. Oct 10, 2007, 3:09pm EDT
great writing
Dorothy H. Oct 12, 2007, 8:01pm EDT
Loved "The Sea". You've got something there. I could feel the poem pull me along with the tide.
Dena Straughn Oct 15, 2007, 2:00am EDT
Some first try! A little dark for me, but it is good poetry.
Bundy P Oct 17, 2007, 9:18pm EDT
Well done
anna vee Nov 7, 2007, 8:21pm EST
Sad but yet seductive.

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