Can we all talk about racism at Gather?

I cringe when I think of things I heard my mother/grandparents say about blacks. It's revolting. Fortunately I never bought into their beliefs because the had lied to me about many other things.

As a child, I do remember there being some racist remarks, mainly because my dad was born and raised in Oklahoma, and there were not a lot of black people there at the time. We moved to Florida when I was three, and he learned not be racist and to not hate anyone.

As a school bus driver, it is one of my biggest pet peeves how kids talk to one another. I don't allow the use of the "N" word at all!! Or any other language that is racist or could even be misconstrued as racist.

We all are alike. We eat, breathe, live, love, hate, cry, bleed, etc. We were all created in God's image, so how can we be so prejudice against one another? Yes, we all say things that get taken wrong or twisted around to suit someone else's need, but we are all the same.

I come from a colorful family. I had cousins who were mixed race so I was raised knowing no matter what people are people.
I wasn't introduced to rasism until I was old enough for school and even then I knew it was very wrong

I was brought up to be open minded and accept people as they are no matter what the colour of their skin, their religion, etc. I have lived my life like that and still feel like that. Hate, Envy, Greed, Jealousy etc are all wasted emotions in my opinion.

We didn't have racism against blacks in my family. But I had an Archie Bunker dad. It was about the foreigners trying to take over the neighborhood. It was about the italian, the polish, or whatever else you were.

I was born a good German Lutheran on planet earth too, but wasn't raised racist, instead I was raised anti-Catholic. Lots of problems way back when between my Dad's side of the family and my Moms. Those were the days when a mixed marriage meant religion, not race.

I was raise to like all people. But I can't stand people who are racist.

I was brought up to be open-minded. I never distinguished people by color or race. I never really began to think about race, until I went off to college and first experience racism first hand. Now, due to all the negative experience, I have gone through because of my Latin decent, I do tend to be a little more suspicious of individuals than I like to admit.

I think it's something that I struggle with daily. I'll find myself thinking things that I know cognitively aren't true, but the thoughts are still there. I grew up in a fairly homogenous area, and in some ways I was lucky. The people of color who were there were often the more affluent folks. A close friend who was black and latina was the valedictorian of the class before she moved, she spoke multiple (4) languages, and was an excellent cello and field hockey player. I worked in a supermarket and the only folks who came in on public assistance were white. And yet, I know that there are still some of those negative cultural images that have crept into my head. They still perk up at times, but I'd like to think I'm aware of them enough not to have them factor into my decision making processes.

I think I've been lucky in that I've had the opportunities to travel quite a bit at a young age, so I got exposed to different types of people; which, I think is the best way to break down stereotypes. I think that being gay helps, because I'm intimately aware of how stereotypes impact me. I went to a super liberal college where folks talked about issues of race, gender, and sexuality incessently, so I got to hear and share a lot of ideas. And I lived in large cities which had great diversity.

I was brought up by racist parents. Then I grew up and realized how wrong they were.

It's funny, I can't think of anything inparticular from my childhood that would make me racist. But after I got married and started doing well I learned a different kind of racism...my, now, ex-husband is class racist. (Is that even a thing?) He's get's really weird when someone who is well off or in a better situation than us is around. And then after the meeting or party or whatever, he's sure to put down everything that person or persons said or did. It's really sad.

Hmm - My immediate family isn't what I would call racist, they are not hateful, or disrespectful of different cultures. While they wouldn't greatly be enthused if too much color was brought into the family, and some uncles and aunts would make me the talk of the family for a while, my mother has always said, I don't care if you marry a black, Jewish 80 year old man, as long as he makes you and Jade happy and takes good care of you, that makes me happy to.

I was never raised with the cloud of hate over my eyes, so I have often been able to blend into every situation. Different cultures and society's both amaze and inspire me to learn more. To me, the very differences in our cultures are the things that make me very interested in learning about them… Oh the stories I could tell.

Great question Peter!

My family wasn't - in fact, my mom, who experienced a lot of prejudice growing up a daughter of immigrants, made sure we treated everyone with respect and considered all people equal, despite their country of origin or the color of their skin. I was very lucky that way - and that's the way I raised my kids.

And there were no blacks on my school bus that went way deep into farm land - I didn't know blacks could be farmers until I went to college, which was in Southern IL where there's LOTS of black farmers. I'd been told blacks were lazy and lived on welfare and stole. The black farmer shattered that stereotype in a heartbeat. Farming is DANG HARD WORK!!!!

Oh the stupid things we're told, as kids.

When Mahogany was on TV I was SO EXCITED to see it. A certain family member left the room, saying, "I don't want to look at black people."

When a black person was in a commercial (this is the 70s, now) I might hear the complaint, "Oh, they got another black person on television". It was relentless, really.

Nobody in my family was extremely racist, but there were still some attitudes that were not exactly proper especially from my grandmother.

I was brought up in a very white area of Pennsylvania. In fact, a few rural towns away, they still actively burned crosses. I don't know if I was specifically brought up racist or not, but I do know there were and probably still are a lot of bigoted folks in my home town. I'm sure I was one of those in my childhood years.

I got somewhat culturally socialized in boarding school and also in college. Living in Atlanta for 16 years has pretty much finalized it because there are times that the roles have been reversed over the years. Amazing when you're the one on the receiving end of that kind of talk... whether it's anti-women, anti-white or anti-american.

I still cringe at a lot of the colorful adjectives my family uses in conversations sometimes.

I wasn't raised in a racist home. And I don't really consider myself a racist. However, it's sad to think that everyone has there moments. When you live in a community that is populated with people of mixed races, and when you find yourself getting irritated at the same race all the time, it's hard not to think that they are racist thoughts. But, there is the good and the bad side to every kind of people.

We probably can't get rid of racism for at least a couple of generations. But we can eliminate discrimination in just a few years. (Yes it is possible to have racism without discrimination.) For the simple change that will make all the difference read:

http://www.unc.edu/~mason/hand.html

It's a science fiction novel of the near future. It describes a society in which discrimination is almost eliminated because it costs people money to discriminate on any basis, race, religion, sex, sexual preference, social class, ethnicity, appearance, age, weight, or number of toes. Check it out when you get tired of being a victim.

I was very young when the busing started in my state. There was trouble when I was about ten or so. I was threatened ofter by black students when I walked by the public school. My parents taught me to judge people on how they treat you personally. I then went to work in the retail field when I was about twenty. I was working in a predominately black area. Here is where I learned real prejudice. I was called out of my name more than once a day buy a person who was black. I was not allowed to defend myself because I would loose my job. It did not think it fair that these people could come into a public store and treat me bad and I had to take it. I did take it for many years but then it just did not seem right that I could not fight back.
Then I watch the news in my state and find that they have suspended the death penalty because it is racist. How is it racist to put a murderer to death? I do not care if you are black, white, red, or purple. If you are guilty you should pay for your crimes. I have tried to stay open minded but there are time when I am not. It is what it is. I am tired of hearing about everything being racist. I am tired of being condemed for what white platation owners may have done hundreds of years ago. My parents for the most part do not judge people by color but by the way they treat my parents.

We will never get rid of racism because it is too profitable for some races to give it up.

I had a fairly normal upbringing no anti anything. we had neighbors once when I was little who were black, I wanted to know if it washed off (lol), they introduced me to GRITS. They were the nicest neighbors ANYONE could have ever wanted. I still miss them.

Ha! My mom used to badmouth Asians - particularly Korean and Chinese. She used to badmouth a lot of people, for lots of reasons, but that really stuck out for me.

I ended up marrying a Japanese man. Overall, I tend to find Asian men more attractive. I wonder if my mom had anything to do with it?

I guess, after reading all these posts, that I am blessed. We grew up in the Kennedy / King years. (Oh...could we go back, please!!! to that type of leadership?????) My parents were mostly self-educated, and highly intelligent.

They taught all 6 of their children the following precepts:
1) Be kind to everyone. How you treat others will decide in the now, how you are treated. How you judge others will decide, in the now, how you are judged.
2) There are no absolutes---life abounds with "grey areas." Even if you are sure you are 100% right about something--that may not be true for everyone. Someone else will see it as grey and debatable.
3) Avoid righteous people of all kinds. Righteousness creates bigotry and zealots, in just the same way as "Absolute Power Corrupts, absolutely."
4) There is a very, very large group of stupid people out there. Be kind to the ones that are truly mentally challenged, as they carry a heavier load. Bigots are stupid...they know not what they do. (THOSE people you don't have to be kind to, just suffer them as the little children who don't know any better.)
5) Question Authority. It is usually wrong. (this got me in a BATCH of trouble in high school.)
6) Think for yourself. (self explanitory, if you CAN think--do so.) Do not take other's opinion, second-hand.
7) Fool me once, damn you. Fool me twice, damn me. (the presdient, in a famous video blog, could NOT get this one right!)
8) Pride should be based on your accomplishments, not your toys.
9) Accomplishments are not based on currency.
and finally,
10) There is nothing lower than a person who lies, one who steals or cheats, and one who hurts others. Always act with integrity--and you'll always be able to sleep at night in peace.

I have tried to find a church that reflects my neighborhood...which is an eclectic mix of all things...but, I can't. So, I pretty much (100%) gave up on religion.
Tried the local Methodist church, but they all white. I don't get that, as the world is about 50/50. AND they seemed to assume that spirituality was a duty, instead of an opportunity to worship and share. Tried the catholic faith--but can't stand to hear politics from the pulpit, any more than I could withstand morality from politicians. I don't think either is the authority, and should just shut up. Tried the baptists and the pentecostal, the mormans and the witnesses. Every single faith tried to judge others as one of their basic premises. All had clauses in their political structure that allowed for excommunication. Not so much. Not for me.

Do I think all people are equal? No. I have a rainbow of buddies--all colors of friends--who are far smarter and more kind than the people I don't choose to associate with. However, I also have dumb/sweet friends, and family-challenged friends, and income-challenged friends, and politcally-correct challenged friends.

I think anyone that bases ANYthing on a color of pigment needs to have their heads examined...or their exposure to the real world expanded.

My only biggotted relative (sp) was my grandpa, a white tool and die german immigrant. He only liked black people if he knew them. Ironically, he car pooled with "colored people" (this was the 1950s & 60s...) and had his "work buddies" over to the house--with no fanfare--for dinner, or bbq and cards and budweiser....
And he still claimed to "hate N_. Now, how weird was that?

I recall that the only time I backhanded one of my children was when I heard the "N" word he said to one of his friends on my front porch. (In the 60s Camelot we were educated to HATE AND ABHOR name calling) Now, of course, since there was always 10-12 kids on the porch, he was saying it to someone he really considered a "bro-Man!" and the friend thought the same thing. It was DeRay who explained to me that it is now considered a form of friendship and acceptance to call each other Nigga.

Nope. I very politely explained that the owner of the porch considered any type of name calling off limits. (of course the kids all thought I was nuts...and that is a GOOD rep to have in my "hood."

Do I think the world is screwed up? YUP! Do I think the world of all people? YUP! Do I value some people more highly than others? YUP! But it is not based on color, or religion, or creed, or age, or size, or sex, or physiological anything. I value kind people and / or smart people above all others.

So, yup again, I guess I was blessed.
Kathy - Wilka

Kathy, your parents sound like great people.

I was raised to be a racist and grew up hearing every racial slur known to man. I however was orphaned at seventeen making me an adult. I found I was free to make my own judgements. God created all man and how boring life would be if we were all the same.

My family is incredibly open minded and accepting. They have to be with me for a daughter! HA! Ok, so anyway - My granddad used to say "Indin" which bugged the heck out of me, and I would correct him every time. I never knew why he said that until I was older, and as far as I know he wasn't prejudiced - that was just what people called them in his time. Not an excuse. He and his second wife visited many reservations and had lots of Native American friends. Every so often my parents might make a comment which to ME sounds negative, but they think is complimentary. I can't think of a good example right off, but they also just don't understand why my husband and I think it's wrong. I guess I was taught not to make comments about a person's color - and they raised me, so I think it's a matter of semantics - HOWEVER, it's a fine line. Where does it go from "words" to prejudice? We have friends of all nationalities, all skin colors, eye colors, hair colors... it's all good!

I relate everything to sexuality. At school last year, we had a speaker who was talking about doing research for her doctoral thesis. We'll call her Ms. X. Ms. X interviewed a woman (Ms. Y) who was attending a GLBT Workshop. Ms. Y was attending as the human resource manager at her office. She wanted to have a better understanding of her employees who were gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. When Ms. Y told people where she was going, she got really defensive and worried that people would think she herself was lesbian, when she wasn't. It wasn't until she got to the workshop that she realized that her being defensive in and of itself was prejudicial. It was ok for "THOSE" people to be gay, just not her.

So, I think we all carry things within us that even with our best intentions come out sometimes. And we have to be willing to admit our faults, and ask for forgiveness, and also forgive people who may say something out of ignorance, and teach people what is right to say/do instead. It's a give and take situation.

In re-reading my comment, even I said something I don't like... I said "them"... as if people are a "them." It's so easy to do it! My apologies!

Apryl, yes it would definitely be boring and bland without the many spices that make up the humane race.

growing up there was alot of racial tenision in the town I lived in...but I was never racist!! Against my family ..I had alot of friends of different races & religions..I am happy to say - none of those past issues are around in my family anymore. We are one big giant melting pot!!

My grandfather would not ever let up on how ridiculously horrible the Japanese were but since he fought them in WWII we just humored him.

I sat here and stared at the screen and I honestly can't say that I was raised with racist sentiments other than, "You can't trust some white people, but then again, you can't trust too many of others, either." I suppose it can be attributed to the way I was raised (thanks Mommie and Dad, and yes, I still call my mother, "Mommie") and the fact that usually minorites, perhaps because we have been discriminated against, harbor way less racist attitudes than Whites do.

Note: I did NOT say non-Whites don't have them at all, but keep in mind any racist behavior or attitudes could be attributed to the fact that they have been discriminated against, sort of like ignorance begets more ignorance.

I think what white America needs to keep in mind is the cultural differences and frame of mind that seems to hinder how we relate and understand each other. But I truly applaud those who were honest in their answers, the common thread amongst the comments is that through knowledge, openness and understanding, you were able to dispel the negative information and gain a different perspective. This is how the world suppose to work and I'm glad to have had the opportunity to hear this honest, open exchange. It revives my faith in the human race!

YAY the human race!!!!

I don't recall any racist remarks from anyone but from my father who I had little to no contact with through my life.

My cousin is now in an inter-racial relationship and by all means seems to have no issues from the family about it.

I was raised not to hate anyone until they personally gave you reason. It wasn't a color thing, a sex thing, an ethnic thing, just a be nice until you have a personal reason not to be. I was when that happened to try to remove myself from whatever the situation was as quietly as possible. My Daddy always said people make their own misery, I don't need to add to it for it would come back on me. I learned I could sit back and watch their fates unfold.

My mother taught me people are people. It doesn't matter what their skin color. When we lived in AL, I remember the teacher telling me not to play with the black girls. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't want me to play with them. She said they were trouble. I thought they were nice.

I think a myriad of skin colors is beautiful. People are people. We have feelings, needs, desires, passions, likes, dislikes and we all have a universal need to love and be loved. The color of our skin doesn't change that.

My mother and father hated any other race besides caucasion...I was bitter on their views and tried my best to treat others equally. As a child you are influenced..but when one realizes the world cultures it changes and you make your own choices. I love cultural existence and learning about other cultures and making friends along the way.

My dad was a racist and a little violent. After they divorced, my mom was upset that she lacked the resources to become more involved in the civil rights movement.

At one time while I was in the Army, more of squad was black than white. I didn't even have to like someone, black or white, who I believed would risk his life to save mine, but I did need to treat them with respect to demonstrate the risk was mutual.

I was not raised to be racist so it was truly a shock when I started school. The culture reflected racism and racist attitudes but I did not get it in my home. My parents were truly welcoming and accepting of all races. We adopted a little boy who is considered an ethnic minority in his home country and treated as badly as many Afro-americans are treated here but in America, no one knows him as anything but White.

It is so strange! In his birth country, he would be seen as equivalent to Afro-American and treated badly. Yet here in America, cultural attitudes are very different, perhaps because his skin color is not exactly pale but more of a light olive tone, like many Whites. So he doesn't appear to be anything but Caucasian.

Everyone needs to get over this ' race ' thing.

Juan......Just what race do you belong to? Just askin'

I was lucky, as a young kid my neighborhood was equal parts white, black, and hispanic. We would laugh and joke with each other over stereotypes -- learning that they weren't true and we were all basically the same.

Although my parents do not believe in mixing of colors they never raised me to be racist! I never really was although its hard not to be sometimes when you are never around different colors or cultures everyday of your life, which I Was never exposed to even in a city school , I went to school with only 2 African Americans , I had more Asians in my class then anything, But,, I am grown now, so alot of that has faded and I'm lucky That I was always taught to teach each human the same, as I would like to be treated!

I just am not fond of those people who believe us WHITE people owe them something, seriously get over yourselves!!! the past is the past right?

It's hard to think of people at Gather having race - most are animals - most are cats!!!

ha ha

I live in California I have never felt any real racism. My grandfather was a prison guard and very racist but we never heard one negative thing out of his mouth ever. Things like that were not discussed in polite company and I guess your family gatherings were considered to be polite company because of women and children present. I was sheltered as a little child but then it was the sixties and seventies so I formed a very open mind during that time.

I did feel some discrimination because my mom got a divorce in 1960 which at the time was unheard of so people thought I was wild or I had no manners or that I was a trouble maker , I wasn't , my mom just didn't have much luck picking husbands , she mowed through three before she gave them up for life. We were very poor mostly because my dad hardly gave any support ,$12 a month and he wonders why we were upset with him!!!

I used to go "honky-baiting" with my friends, until I found out that I was a "honky." The "n" word was interchangeable with "man," or "dude." I grew up in NYC, born in 1962. Those attitudes were the ones I got from my friends. My parents were different. They did not discriminate by race, but by character, and they had pretty good judgement, overall. I can remember, as a child, listening to my mother discuss racial issues with one of her friends, who happened to be Black. This was the late 60's, and it was a much more tense issue than it is today. Of course, as a child, I had to interject "mommy, some of my best friends are Black." It stopped the conversation, to say the least. For those who don't know, that was a "codephrase" used by many covert racists, in those days. Of course, I had no clue about this, as I didn't about the meaning of "honky" for another few years.

Actually, I had very open minded parents. They were before their time. They let us have black friends, I was raised to always, remember that black people have the same color blood which flows through their veins as we have in ours. Black people fought and died for this country to keep it free, just as the whites did.
I had good decent parents, who taught us many good lessons. How to accept people, how to forgive people, how to treat people, and how to love are just a few of the good qualities that my parents left us.

my father is a bigot. he raised my brother the same way. when I was 5 my mother moved from a small central Illinois town to California in the bay area. this is where I spent my formidable years. I went to school with all walks of life. I knew there were racists out there but it really never affected me personally. I would get mad when people would say derogatory things about my friends no matter what race religion ect they were. I will post an article about my experience with racism

I only had one racist family member and he wasn't exactly hard core. He is the only one I can remember using racially "colorful" terms. He even came around in his old age, by that point the only friend he seemed to actually like & respect was African american man he went fishing with.

My mother used to quote the bible and say, that races shouldn't mix.
I told her that God don't care which race you marry, so long as you're happy and well taken care of. I always debated her ideals.
Until one day, she finally saw things my way.
It's good how you can get rid of preconceived notions just as long as you keep communicating.

My parents are both bigots. My mother's newest thing is ranting about "them" taking over the country (meaning black people). My father spouts the "N" word at will.

Needless to say, I have no respect for either. Age has taught them nothing, nor has experience. They are just as hateful as they were when I was growing up-- perhaps more so now. They will live out their days in an area where many share their views; their relatives also share their views.

I was not raised to be racist at all. I grew up knowing two of my dads best friends he worked with were not white. One was black the other was Spanish. My mom was not racist either.....she taught my sisters and I to like eveyone no matter what clothes they wore, where they lived or even if the were a mental case.

However my grandmother would tell us stories of how things were different when she was younger. But she never encouraged us to be that way.

Obviously many here have confused what the term actually means.

And as shocking as this may be, being racist is kinda natural.

Look deep inside and tell me you are not more comfortable with those of your own race/tribe?

It's just a fact.

I am white, my current g/f is white, she was married to a black man and has 2 kids with him...recently we all met and things went well, I even had emails from other non-family members who enjoyed meeting me and said as much...I don't care about color, race or religion all I care about is if your an asshole or not...and there are plenty on all sides...just don't tell me if I don't like a certain person is because of their race...might be because they don't appeal to me whatever race they might be...

I hate thinking about things such as this. The way i was tried to be brought up, has disappointed some people. But i am happy with the way i turned out.