Disinfection with Inflection

by Kimberly Ripley

Copyright 2004

When you visit a large family, you certainly can't expect optimal housekeeping conditions. In our house we strive for sanitary-a.k.a. the disinfecting of most things which can be transmitted communicably, resulting in the spread of disease. This typically occurs most often in the two rooms that require the utmost in disinfecting-the kitchen and the bathroom.

Bathroom-singular? Yes, you heard correctly. We have one-and only one bathroom for the many family members living within our household. By today's standards we are a rather large family. My husband and I are raising five children.  We also have my elderly mother-in-law. She came to stay for a "few days"-last March. And Auntie has taken up residence in our basement bedroom for many years now. And let's not forget the droves of friends my kids bring home. You see they go to Bible camp each summer, and they meet friends who live far away. Housing them costs far less than footing the bill for in-state long distance!

So on a typical day there are up to ten of us here at one time. Mealtimes resemble school cafeterias, as I dole out plate after plate-always certain to give tomatoes only to those who like them-substituting cucumbers for the rest. Diligence on my behalf ensures a healthy environment in which to prepare and eat our food. Sales on disinfectant cleaner mean extra insurance. The bathroom, however, never seems to fare as well. I clean. They go. I clean some more. They go again-over and over again. I'm fighting a losing battle!

Why would the creator of toilet seats have made seats if he meant them to spend their days raised? Why would our Creator make a species of human being who cannot utilize said seat, or at least perfect his aim?

People in our house eat in the bathroom. This I find to be absolutely repulsive. Why would anyone sit on a throne designed for waste disposal and put garbage like Twinkies into their mouths at the very same time? It's almost a garbage production system-eat, go, eat, go. Yuck!

People in our house leave various belongings in the bathroom. I once counted eight days that passed before an entire seashell collection found its way back to its rightful owner. Power Rangers and Disney characters grace the countertop. Beanie Babies collect dust on the bathroom shelves. Cell phones ring and beep from inside the linen closet.

Is the bathroom such a fascinating entity that time spent there is at a premium? I much prefer to go in, do my business, and go back out. After all, in a household this size, you're never guaranteed a solo visit! Yes, there is a lock on the door, but many attempts at picking the lock have resulted in a variety of clever methods. The plastic tips on shoelaces are the all-time favorite.