This article was inspired by my consideration for the group Beliefs and Sexuality created by Zara N. A part of the topic was included in a journal entry I wrote a few years ago when in the middle of a discussion exploring attitudes about sexual habits. I discovered many live behind a shield of dishonesty, fear or any number of what could be viewed as negative attitudes. Part of my discussion involved personally confronting sexual advances made by women whose homes I was in performing home repair services. Over a period spanning about forty years I have been involved in home repair or construction of some sort. In the earlier years construction was more of a source of relaxed activity from the stress of trading commodities, packaging real estate deals or business consulting. As the economy changed I relied more on construction for my lively hood and operated a construction and repair business.
When a youngster I had heard all sorts of what I considered ego sputtering from older home service men with how some women would flirt with them and make sexual advances while in their homes. My first encounter was a startling and confusing situation which frightened me. I was cleaning up after making repairs to her porch and had been asked to take a look at a door which wasn't closing properly. Without the least suspicion this was a roost to get me deep inside her home I walked, following her voice, into a bedroom only to see her dressed in panties and a bra. She, speaking in a whisper like tone, was encouraging me to join her in the bed. I was taken over by a sudden rush of fear and shame and grabbed my tool bag and parted her home without collecting my fee. A few days later her husband called to thank me for the job on the porch and told me I could pick up my check since his wife had finally found the check book
Though that first incident was a shocker to me and treated it as a one time situation I thought with certainty would not happen again. Wrong! As time went on I noticed many more covert like flirtations and actions which one would not normally see as readily in the streets or public places but I was experiencing them in people's homes. For years I simply chalked it up to simply another part of the interaction with people and rarely gave it a second thought until I had lunch with a home repair buddy who I hadn't seen in a while.
On the way from a client's home to a stop to look at a job I saw his truck and stopped to chat with him. He was upset from an incident he had just experienced which he called "wild." He was outwardly upset and frustrated from the position in which he found himself. He said the woman was refusing to pay him until he had sex with her so he left and stopped to think about it. All sorts of scenarios where running through his mind as potential problems including cries of rape, being caught while so engaged, being reported as an attacker and other negative thoughts. He blurted out in anger that he would not jeopardize his family and lively hood because of her desires. The last time I saw him he said he had collected his money but made no further comments.
This write in no way is intended to attack women who cross that line but to raise questions as to why. What might be the motivating factor for those who do take that step thus putting themselves in danger not only with the unknown male worker but their status with family and friends. Even when I show up in steel toed safety boots, worn work pants and shirt covered with many spots of paint or stains from other jobs it doesn't seem to cause a pause to those who are apt to be overly flirtatious or overtly aggressive in their sexual invitations. Is it a strong desire to tease, to assure themselves they are attractive to someone or could it be a latent desire which they have needed to boost their ego? I have no idea of any real answers only speculation on my part and the several responses I received from the article I wrote a few years ago.
I find it interesting that society holds firmly to a specific set of moors as a public display yet within certain private settings so easily fuse actions into a clouded cloak which places into a gray area those requirements which uphold the rules. Throughout history we see men openly crossing the line with "ladies of the night" or their own private harems without impunity yet, women were the ones chastised. Women are the ones who have been the butt of jokes and finger pointing when people cross that line while often the man is rewarded with a move up in status in spite of his actions. When speaking about religious or spiritual conditions they appear not to be a strong enough power to reduce incidents of adultery or just wayward sexual activity.
I am no prude by a long shot but when I am laying under a sink making plumbing repairs and the woman makes it a point to linger close by making sure I see she is wearing no panties I go on the alert for further words or actions. For the ones reading this who might have an instant comment of potential naivety I offer up my habit of calling when on the way to their homes. Though I might have called ten or fifteen minutes earlier giving them ample time to get dressed but am greeted at the door with them wearing a skimpy night gown or something certainly not appropriate to be seen by a stranger one cannot call that naive or forgetful. It is an overt action designed to give a message.
I have always been interested in the part males may play in this type scenario. Women are normally the driving force in the rehab, fix it, redecorating or basic home repair business. It is common to feel that when a man calls for your service he is in serious hot water with either or both his spouse and the authorities. With a few variations the man has been promising to fix this or that situation for a long time coupled with having help from his bother, a friend or once he finishes with another project. In the interim the situation has gotten out of hand and now presents a safety and/or potential legal problem. So his call to me is an urgent one for his part. When I show up to view the problem the man often is clearly agitated while the woman is elated. Could their be some relationship with my showing up to rescue her which triggers sexual fantasies? Does she see me in a strong light while during the waiting period to get the problem solved she somehow sees the male in her life as weak? Does she see the male ego as a blockage to getting the problem solved? She's heard too often I'll get it done next weekend or when John gets back in town we'll fix it but somehow it never got done. Is that part of that male ego in the works which refuses to admit he doesn't know how to fix it but refuses to face the idea he needs to call someone experienced with such problems? Could this in some way raise the repair man to the height of some sort of knight on a white horse?
I know some of you are wondering have I participated in such activity. I can say a resounding no. In my younger years the flirtations and offers were placed in a bag to join other ego raising events. Sure, there were times when the idea might have initially struck me as exciting, but my own fears and concern for my family always over took any reasoning I might have used as a potential to accept her offers. I learned from experience that clearly one half of the women I encountered in the business would at least flirt during the time I was working. Of every ten I visited I could count on two to offer an overt sexual advance. Three of them would include very leading flirtations and two would include at least a mild flirtatious atmosphere. I can always count on at least one of the ten to engage in deliberate sensual or erotic conversation or to volunteer information I have no need to know like her husband is out of town or the kids are gone until 4 in the afternoon. When they call back for additional service or to ask if I could call a friend who needed repairs they often seem to have set themselves as an old buddy of mine or possibly a past lover.
I hope questions and comments arise from this article allowing for some intelligent dialog. As I've said I have no real answers for this phenomenon but can say it crosses all income and racial levels. In fact the higher the income status the more likely I am to receive direct overt sexual advances. Please do not label my unscientific report as an indictment of those women who have responded to their sexual fantasies with repairmen who have worked in their homes. Could we explore the possibility that a man on site who is doing something she has needed done for a while has reached her sensual emotions? Might it have something to do with the relationship between her significant other and his failure to solve the problem at hand? Might she see in the repair man a more fruitful satisfaction than what she has been getting from her own? All of these are points to ponder as we dive off into exploring Beliefs and Sexuality and Sexual Fantasies Becoming Reality.
recommend
Facebook
Twitter
bookmark 
print
Comments: 38
Thank you.
For a woman to go after a workman in her home I think there could be other reasons also. Maybe a sex addict or needs to be reassured she is desirable .
You do such good writes Spencer, love to read them.
I am intrigued by the responses...don't forget...anybody who wishes to post or respond with their own article, please feel free to join Beliefs and Sexuality!
Now, I just have to respond to Lavonne...if I can enumerate many, many propositions from men...why would you doubt that men, too, get them? Forgive me if I think you are a little naive...
One thing I'm wondering about...to turn it the other way and possibly elicit some thoughts from others. I personally am hesitant to allow a repairman into my home! You see, I KNOW what can happened in an unsecured environment, even if it is your home. I have found though that most men who have visited me have been quite the gentleman...perhaps because I establish the boundaries early on...
What would I do if I was attracted to a repairman...and saw that he might return those feelings...well, I sure might ask a few more questions: Married? being the first one...LOL
I admire that you were willing to respond to my question as to whether you had ever followed through with any of these flirtations...You might consider another article explaining more about what goes through you (a man's) mind when he is confronted with the "possibility..."
Now, I'm really going to put it out there...some of your poetry alludes to watching other women...so what keeps your thoughts, just thoughts...and not a reality? Does the writing of your words eliminate any thoughts these situations have caused?
This caring and sharing mind would like to know!
Great job!
Z'
Later, Z'
Makes me wonder!
Then I have had some repairment come that (mind you I am single) I wouldn't mind getting to know better! I normally meet them at work though. For example I dated our electrician a few times ... and some movers that came here asked me out ..... I just seem to be atracted to a man in uniform .. and them to me. My favorite though is the men in green ... military bdu's .. (whistle) LOL .. guess i might be one of the women your talking about .. hehehehehehehe ..however I never push myself on anyone!
I use to be a stay at home wife, especially when my kids you little and first started school. I use to dread it when we had to have repairmen and construction workers come, whether it was inside or outstide. I got the looks and the propositions all the time. And I have belonged to enough organizations and clubs where the subject has come up numerous times about repairmen. That is why I felt the information in the article was fantasy. I'm not saying it never happened as I am sure it did. And probably the fantasy was based on real-life situation or two but not as often as led to believe.
I am often flirted with, and it's usually a surprise because I don't consider myself provocative at all. BUT when it's a repairman, only about 5% are overt and pushy. MOST are perfectly wonderful gentlemen.
I feel for you, Spencer, and I think it's wrong for folks to do that to somebody, but I guess these folks who try this seduction are simply missing passion.
They miss being held and desired.
Of course, it's not right to put you in that position. It IS harassment.
One question, are you native born to the USA ?
I have to echo Lavonne's skepticism at least a little bit. I've worked in people's homes as handyman, deliveryman, and technology repairman. The closest thing I've had to what you are describing is a girl asking me if I wanted to come back after work to join a party. (this was delivering pizza.) Even then, it wasn't like she was undressed in any way, and there were lots of other people around. While I agree with your instinct to avoid making this about you (or me), I think we have to rule out the idea that it's because of your profession.
To get to the bottom of this I think we have to consider the idea that it's something about you. Even though you don't rate yourself as a "stud", it's often hard to account for what each person finds a turn on, right? Maybe something you are doing is giving them the impression that their advances will be met with reciprocation. It's possible you're doing something you don't realize—girls I later came to know have often told me that they originally thought I was giving them the brush off; certainly the opposite could be possible.
My first impression was that you must be misinterpreting. From what you say, I agree that some of the occasions are hard to misinterpret. However, for things like wearing revealing clothing, not wearing bra or underwear, etc.: maybe you haven't noticed that a lot of people just don't care anymore. There've been times where I spotted a little x-rated flesh (usually wished I hadn't) but across the board I'd have to say it wasn't a come-on but just a woman's failure to respect herself at all. She didn't think she was giving me a free show, she just figured she was so unattractive that I wouldn't bother noticing.
Well, what do you think? Do any of these theories help explain anything?
I recall a few years ago when "Andy On Call" first came to the St Louis area I was one of the initial handymen they hired and do remember a situation with another carpenter/repair man where he thought he had a really sweet situation going. There was some romantic contact with the promise of more later until he stopped by to collect the balance of the payments. She refused and went ballistic that he would attempt to collect more money after they had so much fun. She called the company in a rage and I'm sure there was some embellishment somewhere but it proved a difficult situation. He admitted some shared touching and future promises to go further but held firm that they had not had sex. I was in the group who helped create house rules on how to address certain interactions and to recognize some of the potential warning signs that this person might pose a problem. Some of them are obvious while others are more subtle. My rules include do not enter a home if she is not dressed properly. To keep the situation light hearted in an attempt to not offend I say things like, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was Mrs. Jones' house who I called a few minutes ago letting her know I was on the way. Or, forgive me, perhaps I got here too soon. I have a list of potential responses to fit different situations which have grown through the years.
We could explore the causes of why some women are prone to be more than passively flirtatious in certain situations and I'm sure we'd find a myriad of answers but I find it all interesting in that it is not a well known activity. I'm as in wonderment as anyone else could be that even in today's dangerous world a woman would open herself up to such potentials. May we say there is some driven force within which pushes her to step across that line? Could it be as someone said some are lacking a certain attention or satisfaction in their home? Is there a specific reason why the majority of my cases have been with married women with or without children around? (my wife reminded me that single women were less inclined or might suggest some future encounter or date)
To more specifically address your comment about it being about "me" I have to agree. But, that me is transferred to specific individuals in that not all service persons receive the same or as frequent comeons. What might one be doing that the other is not? What perceptions might she be receiving which we are not aware? Could tool belts, uniform clothing or maybe a mustache be a specific trigger? Don't know but something or combination of things do trigger but does not cover the ones who meet you at the door in skimpy clothing. While in her home for a time is there a potential fantasy transfer which can urge her on? What causes her to let me in her house with not a word spoken out of place and me attempting to be as professional as can be while she is looking the respectable woman she normally is but then changes? An entire demeanor change from being a somewhat disinterested distant participant to a hovering, questioning, joking, leading, displaying, show off and sometimes touchy person is not unsual with those proned to flirt overtly. What happened in her mind in the 30 minutes to an hour I had been there to cause the attitude change? Why did she change from wearing a pair of kahkis and sweat shirt to a pair of tight cut offs and a tee shirt? Why would she even risk changing clothes at all with a stranger in her house? I'm in her basement pulling wire for a new outlet and switch when suddenly she appears looking totally different from when I first saw her and becomes interested in what I am doing. On the surface, no problem, but when she starts asking about the difference in a lineman's pliers and needle nose pliers I start getting mentally ready for whatever. When she cannot be still and is in continuous motion maybe she is fighting with that fantasy before she takes that step. When her chatting turns from general to personal or includes lots of double meaning words I begin to get nervous inside. Maybe there's a syndrom she has which we are not aware.
Thanks for the comment.
Appreciate your comments.
well Spencer I really don't know what to say more ...I am not so good in debate..
One thing I think fantasies are growing each day and they never stop but id they are fulfilled once it's becomes like a habit...
enough from my side...
these were my views...:)Spencer..
The Magic in on..... First Line Challenge
How often in your work do you have to go to the client's house alone? I've always been part of a team when doing construction. Pizza delivery is less likely to bring me into the home. (In fact, it's a rule for me. No matter how much they invite me in, I won't go inside unless they seem to get offended) When I was doing computer repair, that was in a very rural setting--which could explain the differences we saw there. Rural areas are a little more old fashioned and conservative than the cities, in my experience.
Also, the more I think about this, the more I realize that I did see lots customers in various state of undress while delivering pizza. Usually I don't want to see it, so I guess I've just blocked it out. It seems like it was the less attractive women that were more likely to be revealing themselves. I think it's definitely a matter of being attention starved.
Thanks for your input.
What usually happens is I get a call and have a conversation with the owners about the situation. There is no way to give a firm bid over the phone until I can see the problem unless I charge outlandish prices enough to cover many variables. So a visit is normally scheduled which in the case of a couple usually includes the man showing me the situation and making suggestions. As a rule he turns the detail stuff over to her like colors and shapes and most times let her do the scheduling for the work. On small jobs I can leave a quote at the inital visit. Large ones require a day or two of checking to verify availability of materials and to give thought to the work and potential time frame to get it done. Some want me to get the materials while others want to shop around. So I am the one who does the inital visit unless I am contracting with another company who has sales people to do the job set ups. Either way when I return to do the work I am the contact person who has the responsibilty to get the job done in a timely and professional manner and the one who is doing the interacting.
I tend to agree with your assessment that rural communities are more conservative than closer in and urban settings and now that you mention it when I have done work in rural areas I delt mostly with the male throughout the jobs. Hmmm, more to consider.
Thanks for the input.
Thanks for visiting.
I have been on the receiving end of that flirtation. There have been several times when maintenance men have come to our apartment and flirted with me. Even though they see our marriage certificate on the wall and our wedding picture. One of them was going through seperation from their spouse and he came in telling me all of his personal business. After he left nothing was done properly and guess what? He came back two or three more times. Then, I told the office I did not want him at our apartment again because he kept messing things up even worse than what they were. So, sometimes the repair people are flirting with the clients. I said this to say that it happens both ways. I hoped I helped you figure out why it happens.
Personally though, I have only experienced the opposite. My family is in the home service business, interior decorating, so it has always been something that we have talked about and discussed. Both of my parents have experienced that and both my older brother and I when we have helped with jobs. I no longer make any house calls for the business for that reason, found myself being propositioned too often.
There was a time when we needed some home repairs done and I stayed in the home to oversee the work being done. I only lasted one day before I made one of my bros stay home with me or a friend come over till the job was done. Every man on the crew ended up hitting on me by the end of the first day. One even went so far as to keep coming to our home after the job was done, uninvited.
It bugged me a lot, because this is a job, and people on both sides of the transaction need to understand that. Totally understand where you are coming from in this article Spencer, but having been on both sides of the table I can tell you it is not always one sided.
I haven't ever hit on anyone coming to my home to do work and wouldn't. It would make an akward situation if I ever called that person out to my home to do more work.
The last time I had my electrician come out, he wouldn't tell me how much I owed him because he wanted a date with my sister. That was akward for me because my sister is gay and I didn't know how he would react if he didn't get the date. I wasn't going to tell him she was gay. I told him he could talk to her, but I wasn't having any part in it. My electrician does fantasitc work at an affordable price. I didn't want to loose him when things didn't work out. They went out once and that was it. I haven't called him back because I haven't needed any work done. It will be interesting to see what happens.
I applaud you Spencer for not taking advantage of the situations like you could have.
Thanks for sharing.