I don't understand how someone can bring such beautiful children into the world and then abandon them. If my kids did not live with me I would still want to do everything I possibly could for them. I would always want to see them and I would want to make sure they knew I would always love them.
So how is it possible for my ex husband who is the father of my oldest three to go two years with no contact or visits? Then he is very sparatic when he pays child support. I am lucky to even see it once a month. Yet this same guy is supporting and raising his new girlfriends kids that ARE NOT his kids. About a month ago my oldest daughter called him. His new girlfriend told her all about her dad buying HER kids school clothes and taking them school shopping and what not. So my daughter was hurt. She asked her dad if he would get her and siblings some items for school too.... after all they are his kids. He told her yes and rushed her off the phone and now he doesn't answer her calls .... and hasn't done anything for her for school She is very hurt by this .. and in turn it hurts me.
Then the ex boyfriend is another story all together. He is the 'sperm donor' of my four year old. He has not paid once cent child support, bought one gift, one diaper .... nothing. His child was bron premature was in and out of the hospital to include to have heart surgery .. do you think this man gave a crap? NOPE ... he did not visit, call to see how he was doing, send him a card or a toy. Nothing. My son and I ran into him the other day and my son starts tugging on my shirt "mommy mommy whats his name again?" So his 'sperm donor of a dad' looks at my face and my sons face and say "I think I am going to cry". I told him good you should cry .. you should be ashamed your son that is 4 years old doesn't even know your name.
This my friend is pathetic. How do these men just go about day by day like these kids do not exist? How can they ignore the fact that their kids have needs and do nothing for them? Holidays come and go and I am always the one who does everything. Neither one of the ex's does anything for the kids for the holidays. Not a card, not a gift, not a call ... nothing.
I just don't understand it. With the ex husband it definetly wasn't in his upbringing. His parents are wonderful family oriented people. The kids and I are still close with his parents. They will even spend time with my four year old ... they are great people. How they could spawn such a man I do not know!
The ex boyfriend is another story. He wasn't raised by his mom or dad just sort of dumped on his grandmother. She babied him and didn't make him be responisble for anything. His dad was always out of the picture. His mother is an evil woman. Very racist. She says I am white trash and even though we have a DNA test to prove my son is her son's child she swears he will never be her grandchild. The most amuzing thing she ever called me was a whore. Was funny because I had 3 kids with my ex husband and one with her son but I am a whore! She had four kids by four different dads ..... and never married any of them and one of the ones who got her pregnant was married to another woman! HA .. but who is calling who names?
I just don't understand how someone can bring a child into this world and then abandon it. Makes me sick. I know with all the holidays coming up my kids are going to go back thru the whole 'being let down and hurt by their dads thing'. They try to act like it doesn't affect them ... but then I find them cryig in there rooms about it.... or they take it out on me ..
How does one cope? Do you think these men will ever wake up and know what they are doing is wrong?
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Comments: 23
Been there, done it.
Summercamp would roll around and pop would be sure junior got a new sleeping bag and canteen, but mom wouldn't see a dime of child support.
Luckily I was also able to see (as these kids were growing into adolescence) they wised up to what a jerk the old man was. Or rather most did. A few had the same bad seed, and I glumly realized they were headed down the same selfish path.
From a military standpoint, the ones who are trying to work it out, still get nothing. Hubby is deployed. The families are stuck overseas. Hubby takes the money before they get a chance to get to the ATM, to be able to buy diapers for the little one or ones.
And the commanders can do nothing.
Sorry, rambled on again. I have not had to deal with this personally but have seen many families go thru it.
Keep your faith up. Some day your prince will come.
Jean I do have child support orders .... but my ex hubby took off to florida (illegally) and michigan and florida don't seem to be cooperating with each other. Ex hubby pays once in a while. But my my older three kids knew him well until the divorce so I think it hurts most for them because he basically 'abandonoed him' however they are old enough to know too and they so who is really here for them. ME! Ex hubby used to say it wasn't child support it was 'dena' support and thats why he refuses to pay (jerk I know right)
My youngest child has a child support order too but its a joke! The judge set it at $50 a month and his jerk of a 'sperm donor' still doesn't pay that. He actually quit his job so he wouldn't have to pay it. How sick is that? My son doesn't know him though. Has seen him a handful of times. He knows mommy and his brothers and sisters love him :)
I just don't see how a man could make a child and then never be there for it .. baffles me.
I'm glad your kids have you because at least they know who they can count on and who they can trust.
Sadly, I think that most of them will never care. I don't think they'll wake up and suddenly decide to be a good person and see their kids.
I have three kids by my ex. He has no interest in any of them. They don't know who he is. When he lived in the same town, he never came around or only tried to hook up with me and I had to quit talking to him to try to get him to see the kids because it was obvious he didn't care. Now he lives out of town and doesn't bother to call, or write to them. He texted me a few days ago and it said "You still alive?" What the heck is that supposed to mean? He is also the person who makes me more angry then any person on this earth and he knows that he can get to me.
I recently found out just how many other kids he has and that gave me a slap in the face and made me realize that he would never never never care about my three kids. We get child support because it's taken out of his check by the state. He's really mad about that. Once he asked me if I would quit having the child support taken out so he could get a house for him and whoever he was with. Ugh.
Anyway, we just have to do the best we can. I wish that my ex would get hit on the head and wake up a different, caring father. But that's not going to happen so I have to do the best for my kids that I can.
I just don't get it. My kids have grown so much since he has last seen them. He makes time to see the girlfriends family and has signed for joint custody (adopted) her kids. Pathetic really. He even has insurance on her kids and not his own. Pathetic excuse for a man really.
The only child support I got was $30 so he could dodge another legal problem he was in. Never really wanted it because it helped to keep the chain broken.
I once ask my son if he wanted to meet his Dad and he said, "Not really, you are my Mom and Dad." So precious.
yup i have been there too im 28 and all my life i had to watch my father beat up my mom and that hurt finaly after 13 hard years my mom devoiced him.he hasnt really been much of a father to me. when i was in 5th grade my mom married a man who i didnt like even tho my father wasnt there for me much i didnt want him to be replaced but now im glad to have my step father in my life and im glad to call him my dad i mean i dont call him "dad" but he treats me more like a dad i think it takes a lot to be a dad but it doesnt take anything to be a father. ur kids dont need these so called dads in there lifes they just need a man that they can look up to as a dad for them who cares about there feelings and will bend over backwards for them. things will get better. hang in there
I have a 10 year old from my first marriage. She met her father when she was just over 1 year old, after I pushed a DNA test because he refused to accept her, which is part of the reason we divorced. He saw her about every two months until she was 3. Has not seen him since, and I have not heard from him.
Every once in a while she asks me where he is, if I know what happened to him. I really have no idea at this point, but it is a smallish area and I most likely could track him down if needed. I tell her that he just was not the parenting type. I have not told her everything about him, but the run down of the basics has been set.
He has only paid about 4 months worth of child support, and once the IRS took his tax return of $1300 and sent it to me. I think he owes something like 10 k now.
I know she will never see the money, and personally, I do not want it. I made it through the "single mom" time ok. I have a 3 and 4 year old from a second failed marriage and made it through that as well.
In alot of ways, I am glad I do not always have to deal with the ex's. It is nice to have full control over my oldest's life, and make all the best decisions for her that I can, without having to duke it out with the ex.
I truly don't understand men or "sperm donors" and their ways of thinking. I know with mine he has a drinking problem and always figured our son would be in better care and more stable without him being involved. I think personally it was just an excuse not to be involved or have the responsibility.
Women like us trying to struggle and make ends meet and provide our children with love and stability are very strong women and we need to stick together as Solidarity Sisters.