Paranoia: Vacation To OZ: Part Three

I stood amazed and watch the dancing and all the windows get fogged up and Fred was gently teaching a few steps I had never heard of. Fred then asked Wilma to catch him from a dance move where he jumped real high. Wilma said, 'I'm not suppose to lift over 35 pounds', but Fred said, 'You're not lifting. You are catching me on the fly' and Wilma said, 'You're right'. Just then I was distracted, by a lady who bumped into me. I started to say, 'What?', but she walked away from me and this made me miss seeing Fred jumping and Wilma catching, as some commotion startled me. I heard applause. I thought it must have been for Fred, but soon found out the real cause. I had had no idea that our trip would include a celebrity, but a red carpet had been rolled out for none other than Barbara B. There were throngs of well wishers and one named Marge came to her and said, 'You certainly have a gift for being delightfully naughty' and Barbara B's face turned red.

Now Wilma was walking on an angle and Fred was nowhere in sight, but that was because he had lunch with Magi, which of course was Vegemite. Wilma walked up to Barbara B and said, 'I'm the flight attendant to see to your needs.' Barbara B said, 'On my journey I don't want anything left to luck. I think I want to play in the pool with my rubber duck.' Wilma said, 'I am so sorry, but the pool we have is quite small, but we will do all we can to please your every beck and call.' Barbara B just smiled and softly sang an Elvis tune and then I noticed other people had come into the room. I walked around to introduce myself, but most just ignored me. They were deep in conversation about things that made no sense to me. There was a lady named Elsie who had sacks of seeds she said had come from the moon and a woman named Sheila sat beside her as they kept saying, 'Zoom, zoom, zoom.' They looked rather disappointed, then I heard Elsie say, 'I'm all screwed up, slept till 1 p.m. today.' Sheila replied, 'Time differences are so confusing' and as I was musing what this possibly meant, Elsie said, 'Have to get the brain in gear so I can snap and zoom' and Sheila said this meant, 'I now have found a reason to write LOL' and Elsie smiled and said, 'That's clever. Let's save our zooms and just say swell.'

Well I moved on hoping to find someone I could meet that would have normal conversation and possibly be sweet. I saw Marge sitting with a lady I found out was named Rita and they were talking up a storm, but changed subjects so quickly, which I later found out was common for people from Idaho. Marge would say one thing, but nothing Rita said was a reply, but acted like she was listening when Marge was speaking and I saw Marge look more than once up to the sky. Marge told a tale of a llama spitting on shoe. Rita's reply was something about having a proper tattoo. Rita then said, 'You'd love Idaho cause there are many rusted old cars.' Marge replied, 'You are a survivor. You should write an advice column for the stars.' I decided this conversation would drive me crazy, if I listened to just one more word, so I moved on hoping to find normality, if I only could. I happened on a couple from Texas who were discussing paint. I know something on this subject and introduced myself and in unison said, 'Horses do not like rain.' I had no idea where this conversation would lead to, but like I said, they seemed relatively sane. The lady spoke and said, my name's Norma L, but don't call me normal, okay?' Her husband said, I am Abnorma L' and then lifted up his shirt and asked if I had any answers why his abs hurt.

By now I was really wondering about the people on this trip. I was telling myself, 'Bill, get a grip.' I mean the lounge was filled with people in conversation and some were standing in their seats. They seemed to be acting like they were flying and this was quite a scene. Then, with complete surprise my travel agent appeared. He was drinking a bottle of Guinness and seemed unsteady as he neared. He asked for silence, then spoke to the crowd. He said, 'I'll be your tour guide on our trip to OZ. He then told us the pilot had become sick from eating too much Vegemite and that he would be the pilot for our wonderful flight. I should have just gone home and let this be a lesson learned, but although I felt a bit of fright, I needed a vacation to relieve being uptight. What was in store part four will explore of this cautionary tale. So put on your seat belts and get ready for a whale of a tale.