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Comments: 66
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You published this to review groups so here's my contribution.
Particularly if everyone else in the neighborhood in Salt Lake was still asleep. Does this mean six is only early if everyone else is still asleep? If everyone is still asleep, are the honkers, finger waggers, admonishers, and people who create the 'busy street' driving in their sleep?
You (Kathy) bolt out the door before you check to see if Mommy and Daddy are asleep. If you looked back through a window to check on them, you should probably explain that.
Kathy was 'into' the garage before she opened the door.
You repeated wild and woolly dark locks.
The "Kathy simply said in reply" dialogue is not simple or believable as written. Also, you used a semicolon to separate sentences in the dialogue. The writing classes I've taken in recent years, and in the books I have on hand, teach no semicolons in dialogue.
After that there's the "doughnut" inferno.
Best Graphics - Top Comments
I'd like mine made over, preferably with a few nausea-inducing "hons" and some SuPeR sPaRkLy ShInY CrApaPpLeS! LOL
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REMOVED COMMENT (in bold):
KEO wrote: "Kathy was 7 years old when her Father built the treehouse in the crap apple tree."
"Crap apple" tree!?
Janna R., Sep 28, 2007, 5:51pm EDT
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removed from this article.
I might ask for the second comment to be made over, depending on the success of the first.
Matt
"I never realized before how powerful sparkle and glitter can be!
When glitter is added to an American flag and a soaring eagle, no one can resist the arguments being presented.
I have changed my mind completely.
Martin L. is NOT a ponpous, brain-dead chicken hawk. He is a prophet and a sage.
Listen to him!!!!!!
Bomb the Iranians, bomb the Islamic holy places.
If anyone objects, bomb them.
If our allies desert us, screw them.
We don't need their business or their investments, or their tourists."
Comment Makeovers has changed my life.
You published this to review groups so here's my contribution.
Particularly if everyone else in the neighborhood in Salt Lake was still asleep. Does this mean six is only early if everyone else is still asleep? If everyone is still asleep, are the honkers, finger waggers, admonishers, and people who create the 'busy street' driving in their sleep?
I know that you asked for critique, but I don't see a thing that could be changed and the story still have your distinctive flavor.
You (Kathy) bolt out the door before you check to see if Mommy and Daddy are asleep. If you looked back through a window to check on them, you should probably explain that.
Kathy was 'into' the garage before she opened the door.
The action in this story really kept me guessing!
You repeated wild and woolly dark locks.
I love how you stressed little Kathy's wild and innocent beauty!!!
The "Kathy simply said in reply" dialogue is not simple or believable as written. Also, you used a semicolon to separate sentences in the dialogue. The writing classes I've taken in recent years, and in the books I have on hand, teach no semicolons in dialogue.
I'm glad you feel confident enough to to let your writing flow without over-editing.
Original: You published this to review groups so here's my contribution.
Makeover: What an honor to have your writing here in our Group -- it sets a benchmark by which others can contrast and compare their own humble efforts!
KEO wrote: "Kathy was 7 years old when her Father built the treehouse in the crap apple tree."
"Crap apple" tree!?
Janna R., Sep 28, 2007, 5:51pm EDT
And now Janna's shiny new honey filled comment:
OMG tHaT wAs So SwEeT! HoN wHaT a LuCkY gIrL pLaYiNg In A tReE sUrRoUnDeD bY cRaP aPpLeS!! I <3 iT!!!
Thanks for the laugh though....you have a true talent for comment rehabilitation.
I get it! Finally, it all makes sense. All of those gushing, praising, absurd comments on her articles are SATIRE?
Lord I hope so.
Where can I find crap apples? Whole Foods hung up on me when I asked.
Check the litter box.
An alternate way of stating that might be "You have to keep your eyes on the prize, stay on target, and remember that Jesus died for your sins. We're all God fearing Christians here and Free, White, and 21. It's America, love it or leave it and you can take my weapon when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!"
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
http://yellowjacket.gather.com/
a place for banned authors
So I thought she should know and post this on her article:
"Hmmmmm . . . Seems he did write his own article about you.
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Doyle (Comment Censored by Friend) C., Oct 8, 2007, 3:59pm EDT"
Now her article is set up for approval only and she declined it mentioning she did not want to advertise HIS article (which is fine by me) but could you give me a generic 'Beige Banal' comment I can substitute that she might accept?
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
oops...perhaps I'll get deleted!
(though not as FABOO as I...wink)
El Homo, I may forgive you for calling me a ferret.
Someday.
"Hmmmmm . . . Seems he did write his own article about you.
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Doyle (Comment Censored by Friend) C., Oct 8, 2007, 3:59pm EDT"
I know both people in question, and saw the original comment. I was hoping he was being sarcastic, but...
Anywho, back to business. We have this comment in a classic beige that is both pleasantly comfortable and does not draw attention to problem areas:
Why can't we all just get along?
We miss you.
I remember those gnomes. They used to hang out in terminal rooms. They fed on the frustration people felt when the 'h' key one VT100s was disconnected and no longer worked. Now that terminal rooms are not so full, the have to do things in people's houses. There seems to be a strain of them that attacks shift keys.
Now, though I fully recognize that I can be an arrogant sob on ocassion . . . This . . . a NEW one (or two) I found puzzling! From Merry Christmas, America.....Bruce Littlefield on "Today Show" once more :-) by patrick m.
""As for mass mailings? Hmmm, I have been off line for a month or so.....and have over 900 emails in my inbox.....unread, mostly because they are all from about 10 people who do swamp me with stuff....and I am not interested in it. "
So if you have the problem too, why be part of it? The ONLY issue was that you sent to people you were totally NOT connected to and did not know. No issues, Mate . . . true . . . just move on. But try to be receptive too . . . to the fact that NOT everyone sends mass e-mails. :)
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~"
Then this was DELETED:
"Wow. You censor even polite rational discourse?
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~ "
I'm hoping something can combine the two and since the comments really were mild, we'll probably need a serious Tushie Munch Brown comment and make sure the settings on all turned up high . . . any hint of discord or another point of view will be completely unacceptable. So . . . what d'ya think?
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Frightening Icon aka Varmint -- a creative entrepreneur who vanished without warning, but left us with a wealth of witty comments and articles. Her time here made the site a lot more fun; she pulled no punches.