I can't say that I like being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depressive Disorder). But from time to time I catch myself calling myself a Bipolar. You know, as in, "We bipolars need to stick together..." etc. an nauseum.
I should know better. Deep down I do really know that I am not my diagnosis.
I don't mean it to be a derogatory statement. No more than when I call myself an "asthmatic," or a "diabetic." When I explain that I am asthmatic, I do that because people usually take that as shorthand for having the symptoms of asthma--which I have. It's not meant to be a put down, and most people don't read it that way. Similarly, when I say I am diabetic, most people understand that I have to watch my diet, reduce my intake of sweets, probably have shooting pains in my feet and hands, and either take medication or insulin shots. We can thank the multiplying TV ads for this education.
So this is what I usually mean when I say, "I am bipolar." But the problem is that most people I may be talking with don't have a shorthand understanding of what that means. Furthermore, their existing understanding is skewed. The terms "mental illness" is no better. It conjures up images of Charlotte Bronte's story "Jane Eyre." Our mind's eye visualizes Rochester's fleeting and invisible wife locked away in her secluded tower, hearing her nightly rantings and ravings, and thinking about her erratic and dangerous behavior. We are still locked up in family secrets--no one willing to admit that there might be a genetic flaw in the family gene pool. Come on, be honest! Those thoughts still flit through our minds from time to time.
So as persons who are having to deal with some kind of mental illness in our lives, or as supporters of loved ones who have to suffer with some kind of invisible illness (whether diagnosed or not), we really have our work cut out for us, don't we?
Television and magazine ads are not educating people enough about our conditions. One reason I think this is so is the lack of true information being shared. So far, TV ads are being tentative and almost too sensitive. Don't misunderstand me; I believe in being sensitive. But I would like to see some honest blunt truth in these ads for once. Living with a possible chemical imbalance in our brains is tough.
Where should we start in correcting the misconceptions? In my opinion we aren't going to get anywhere until we see ourselves apart from the diagnosis. We are NOT our diagnosis. Each of us has a face, a life, a unique history. We have loves and desires and dreams. We have struggles too. Just like anyone else.
Our diagnosis is a facet; just another face on the surface of the gemstone that we call our life.
What are your ideas?
How do you think we could get better PR?
How do you think we could put a better face on mental illness so that it is not so frightening to the uninformed?
Has anyone had success in enlightening your friends and acquaintances?
Let's brainstorm!
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Comments: 43
depression over losing a loved one ....to.....the ted bundy's......very not RIGHT! very
not UNDERSTOOD!!!!!!
Penni, you know, many people get the idea that Autism has variations from severe to high functioning. So why not understand the same for other mental illnesses such as bipolar?
My hobby horse on the ills of society touch on taking God out of the education system. We seem to be heading for a "Lord of the Flies" situation in increasingly rapid paces. My other hobby horse is the cookie cutter approach to education that leaves too many "out of ordinary" children on the fringes not able to fit in. When did our educational system start doing that? The philosophy of "no child left behind" should be restated, "no child body left behind--let's count them all to get those all-mighty government subsidies/monies."
I am thinking to myself about this problem. I have seen fiction reach hearts where good old-fashioned factual reporting can't touch. Fiction based on fact, revealing the ugliness in the guise of a good story. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" comes to mind. That was 30 years ago. "Uncle Tom's Cabin" if we are trying to think of century old ills.
'm trying to think of a more contemporary example and my mind is going blank. Any thoughts on that? Or do we have a gap here?
Thanks, Tara. Hopefully I can help out in that department with short research pieces that are easy to read.
Many people (my husband included) just do not believe depression is a medical condition. They think the depressed person is "lazy". They think that person is "wallowing in self-pity". You'd think in this day and age that attitudes like that would be dieing out, but they aren't.
Certain jobs will NOT hire people who have a history of depression. Hah! All that means is if you want to work in the government, you HIDE it really, really well and don't get treatment using your health coverage or anywhere in your home state. People who "get depressed" are passed over for promotion because they're considered unstable, that they might collapse in on themselves and not be able to pull their weight. I've learned to say "doctor appointment" before "counseling".
When I say "doctor appointment" people just nod, and think about the last time they had to wait an hour to see the dentist or the last time they had a physical. But if you say counseling, the other person's brow will furrow just a little, they'll think just a tiny bit less of you, and they'll turn away, embarrassed. This is what happens in my forward-thinking, cutting-edge University job! I'm not a professor, but I doubt very much that any professor with depression would get tenure in this dog-eat-dog world. Why promote that possibly unbalanced person when 5 other perfectly healthy people are lined up right behind them?
Now, the University *is* very tolerant of erratic genius. You just have to be careful to make sure you stay on the side of erratic genius and don't go over the edge into unpredictable and deficient.
My relatives are the worst. My mother-in-law said, "What do YOU have to be depressed about? You're young!" As if youth was some guarantee of happiness. Luckily, I was able to say, "I don't need an excuse to be depressed any more than you need an excuse to have arthritis." It happens.
But truthfully, looking a person in the eye and telling them I've been fighting depression for as long as I can remember seems to help get the word out. Many people have quietly admitted to me they have much the same problem.
I'll be interested to see what that DepressionIsReal.org has to say.
Thanks, Sue, for the heads up. I'll be looking at website up and looking forward to seeing the ads on TV.
Thanks, Cheryl, for sharing this struggle with us. I feel for your husband. I've discovered that it helps to make friends of others with similar problems. Overall, I think men have a much more difficult time accepting a mental illness--probably because men are supposed to be strong and non-emotional. [rolling eyes]
For me it's, "stop being so dramatic about everything." I feel like asking, "OK, tell me how and I'll just do that little thing."
I know a lot more people suffering from mental illnesses of all kinds who have never hurt anyone, or committed a crime, or turned up missing. I didn't feel that the one tacked on sentence had anything to do with the news story. Grrrrrr...
I'm glad your medications are working for you. A friend of mine from my home town is taking lithium and her hands shake, too. My meds make me very tired.
The title of your excellent article is profound and true.
My son is bipolar. He is a rapid recycler. Some people understand, some people try to understand and don't and some people dismiss the chemical imbalance diagnosis. I agree there needs to be better education for the public.
One of the reasons I chose that title reflects my family's attitude toward my mother who had gone undiagnosed and untreated throughout our childhood. They are struggling with the problem of separating her from her diagnosis (well, they don't believe the diagnosis, for one thing).
So far, she has made herself public enemy #1 to her own siblings, to us-her children, to all her former friends. When my father contracted cancer in 2005 and then died, there was no one to be there for her. Her family hates her. She even tossed me out of the family right after I got married 28 years ago.
I tried again to get closer to her during Dad's last momths, but doggone if we didn't cycle at the same time! We'd either be both depressed, or both "angry" manic.
During my Dad's last days, my siblings got to see a side of the stressful relationship Mom and I shared for so long (while they were still small children). Even so, I stuck around for a month after Dad's death to make sure she was OK. She was not the enemy; her bipolar was.
What I am discovering is that the more I talk about it with friends and on forums like this one, the more I find that these people know someone, a relative or co-worker or friend, with the diagnosis. And in their tones of voice, I hear the beginnings of acceptance. This is not such a rare thing after all. The last statistic I heard about bipolar was that there are about 7 million people in the US diagnosed with it. That's a higher number than I expected.
Book Review on Coping with Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar Manic Phase: It's Coming On
I was diagnosed when I was about 34. It became very evident when my kids started becoming their normal little selves that I was not in control of myself. And the stuff that poured out of my mouth sounded very much like my mother! (I'm pretty certain that my Mom is bipolar that has gone undiagnosed and untreated) So because I didn't want history to repeat itself, I have my Mom to thank for getting diagnosed as early as I did.
Now in retrospect, I realize the reason why my Mom and I didn't get along very well (to put it mildly) was that she and I are/were two peas in a pod. We were too much alike. When I think back to the beginings of my bipolar symptoms, I'd say they were present in my teens. But it wasn't until after I was 30 that they became alarming and harmful to others.
Right after I graduated from college, I taught for 5 years. Those 5 years were stressful partly because of my bipolar, but I didn't recognize it as that. People thought I was burning out as a teacher. The problem with that logic was that the "burn-out" was cyclical, occurring every winter. I always improved as the days lengthened. If I had not been a teacher, we might have caught the real problem earlier and gotten treatment. I might have continued teaching. Who knows?
Strategies for Living With a Mental Illness Tip #1
You need to be clean and sober (if only for a couple of days) to let your self feel the better parts of life. The parts of life that WILL uplift your spirit where you long for it to be. The mere fact that you search out a betterment is in you favor. Use that resource. It is a strength.
There is no "normal." If I were to define myself by my diseasES, you'd never get past my "title" in introducing me. Seriously. Simply refusing to define yourself by your illness is Step 1. You are "Joe W. The Man." That IS who you are.
Joe W. The Man is the same little boy of your earliest happy memories. Go find him again. Think about him, what made him happy, what made him sad, where and why he decided claiming illness was more comfortable or easier than being the bright energetic child You know him to be?
You are very smart to have developed the functioning skills you've described. You are obviously smart to have articulated yourself in this comment as well as you did (and you did).
No one else can do this for you. The doctors are only there to help guide us through a process that is locked away. You must tap Your own adult desire and determination to try. It is within You. And nothing's going to change otherwise.
When you do succeed the first time (and you will), Joe, it feels SO good! That is what will give you the power and fortitude to try (and succeed) yet again. At least open the door for yourself, to feeling that first success. It can't come unless you let it in. And prayer is a VERY strong element in achieving any success.
God bless. You are steadfastly in My prayers!
That's true for even physical illnesses. Case in point, some friends of ours has a son overseas who came down with an unknown illness. Just as they were ready to give it a name and get on with the treatment, poof! it changed. The ultimate test told them it was not what they thought it was and they are back to square one. See?
By knowing we have bipolar, we feel a degree of relief that we can now get on with our lives and do something to treat it. We were created to categorize our world around us. So in that sense, yes we are what we are diagnosed.
What I was talking about needs more explanation. You see, my four other siblings and I grew up with an angry manic mother. The problem is that we didn't know that. To us, living with her rages and screaming etc. was normal. It wasn't until my diagnosis that I started putting 2 and 2 together. It helped me re-think my past. My Mom eventually rejected me and cast me out of the family. I wasn't welcomed back until my Dad contracted cancer.
In the meantime, I was "Big Bad Bev." Mom taught my siblings to think of me like that. (Because she and I were very much peas in a pod) Now they are adults. They have rejected my Mom, partly for what she did to me, partly for the way she made them feel.
Apparently, I am more successful in seeing her as a person who is struggling with her debilitating mental illness and can feel pity and compassion for her. My siblings deny her bipolar and are not able to separate her from her diagnosis. To them her bipolar-ness was so much part of her that they cannot see that she was a victim just as they were. That is the reason I wrote this article. I am planning on going into a bit more detail about growing up with a bipolar Mom in another article. Just haven't written it yet.
Does that make sense, Joe? I see you as a man with skills and talents. You have struggled with so many problems. These problem have impacted you and influenced you to make you the person you are today for better or for worse. But you are not your problems. They are just one facet of your life. You are still a work in progress.
That's all I'm saying. Nothing too complicated.
Book Review on Coping with Bipolar Disorder
I hadn't noticed when my Mom swung between her manic phases and her depression phases that they were in cycles. It didn't occur to me to notice that. I guess I just wasn't a very observant person. Seeing as it wasn't my Mom who told me about the birds and the bees either, I'm not surprised that I didn't notice much of anything those teen years. I must have been pretty wrapped up in myself those days. Typical teen.
It wasn't until after I was married that I woke up to the way PMS and menstrual cycles affected moods. Sheesh! Was I naive! [blush]
I don't doubt it one bit that PMS clouded my understanding of the cycles of moods I experienced. It wasn't until after my bipolar diagnosis that I discovered how I cycled seasonally for THAT.
For a woman, this really is a mess! Since my family just didn't talk honestly about things this intimate, it's no wonder none of us noticed how Mom cycled and how I cycled along with her. Only in retrospect do I realize that she and I often cycled together--one of the reasons we couldn't stand each other at times!
I'm trying to avoid this from happening to my daughter by teaching her AND my son (who will be a sensitive and loving husband some day) to talk honestly about the cycles women experience and how to tell the difference between menstrual and bipolar cycles.
But to be really honest with you, they are blurry at times. I can distinctly remember horrendous mood swings when apparently pre-menopause (and now menopause) and bipolar intersected!! Oh, my poor poor family!!!!!
My point is, Kieran, that we need to teach ourselves to listen to ourselves and watch for those cycles. And I hope and pray that menopause problems and bipolar problems don't collide very often! I've often wondered how I've escaped being hospitalized this long!
As for my particular bipolar cycles, I usually experience big depressive cycles in October and then again in February-April. Sometimes there is a short one in the spring. But my manic cycles are not predictable to me. I can't find a pattern.
A Real Live Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Bipolar Manic Phase: It's Coming On
OCD: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Thank you. I'll absorb this and think it over more.
Just an FYI - I've been clean & sober since 7/2/95. Didn't know if that would make a difference in anything you posted or not, but I don't think I made it very clear.
I'm thinking I live (rather than cycle) in the manic state with the depressions cycling?Does it ever happen like that? Aside from bouts of depression, I constantly feel like I'm pulling back on the reigns to not overwhelm people. Like I'm this real life living version of Alley McBiel (sp?). If it weren't so sad it would be funny.
As an example: I go to counseling. I recently changed counselors because I felt the first just wasn't responsive. I always take a nerve pill (Xanex) before I go, so I can slow down my head to speak at a reasonable pace. At the 1st replacement counselor appointment, I'm doing my best to cram a (not brief) medical history in what little time we have. So I feel kind of paniced anyway. I hear myself interrupting myself at mid-sentence so I can start a new sentence. I realize I'm not making any sense because I'm not finishing one complete sentence. When we conclude the new counselor asks, "Do you think maybe the other counselor couldn't respond because you talk so fast (much)?" LOL. When I told her I'd taken a Xanex for the specific purpose of not talking so fast (much), she almost fell off her chair in disbelief. I'm sure she questioned what I must be like without a Xanex in me, lol.
I know you aren't in a position to diagnose people ... I'm just trying to get enough of an understanding that I can recognize what's happening. What I've read here, in terms of cycling, is not at all familiar to me. But so much other of it is eerily familiar. I need to figure this cycling thing out. I'm not getting if or how the cylcing applies to me?
I appreciate what you've shared. You've given some good food for thought (as if my head needs more mulling around in it, ha!). Thank you.
Kieran, you are right. I am not a qualified doctor or psychiatrist or psychologist or even a counselor. So I can't diagnose anyone. I can only tell my story.
From what I've read, I think your symptoms fit what is known as bipolar III, or hypothymic. Here is a short synopsis. See if this fits your situation:
The term hyperthymic basically means "up." If this fits you, you may be hyperthymic temperament. That's still bipolar.
This used to fit my personality when I was in my 20's. Always energetic, taking on more projects, pushing myself. You might want to talk to a doctor to get your diagnosis refined, that is, if you have already been diagnosed with bipolar.
My own bipolar is basically type 2. I am more depressive than manic.
If you did not have depressive episodes, you may have been diagnosed unipolar. But you mentioned that you do have depressive episodes from time to time.
Hope that clears things up. Just remember, I'm just a regular Joe Blow who reads about this stuff. I'm not a doctor making a diagnosis.
Helping A Loved One Suffering From a Mood Disorder
Bipolar About.com
My physical energy is all gone too. I must have used it up in my 30's rearing two kids, one with ADHD!
I hope things work out well for you with the doctor! Let us know here!
A Real Live Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Painful People or Painful Things They Said to You
for everyone could use a bit more during the holidays
I Hope you and yours have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Excellent article and writing and comments.
A wealth of information.