I Meant To Write This Yesterday

If I were to sit down and compile a list of my biggest character flaws (modesty aside, it would be quite a short list), I'd say that at the top item on the list would have to be procrastination.

To be honest though, you know as well as I do that I'd never finish that list. Sure, I might say I was going to make a list; I might even put it on a to-do list. Even still, I may even sit down in front of the computer with the intent to compile the list. There's a good chance I might even jot one or two items down. But sometime shortly after my desire to work on the list will wane; the next thing I know it's two hours later and I'm looking at humorously captioned cat photos on the internet, my list still unfinished.

To be even more honest, it wasn't even my intent to write about procrastination today. The idea came to me while in the middle of procrastinating about completing another column. Okay, I wasn't in the middle of completing the other column; I hadn't even started on it. But I intended to come up with something just as soon as I finished updating my Netflix queue.

I've found that the internet has greatly increased my procrastination efficiency. Not that I spend less time procrastinating (I probably spend more), but it allows me to multitask procrastinating so I’m able to cram even more diversionary activities into the same time frame. I can watch a video on YouTube, clean out the spam from my email inbox, and do a Google search on that kid in high school whom everyone thought would end up in jail (according to his Myspace profile, no jail yet), all while keeping tabs on how my fantasy sports teams are faring. With a constant stream of information at my fingertips, finding a diversionary activity to help me put off the completion of a project isn't very difficult.

I decided to do some research on procrastination, so I turned to (where else?) the internet. After about twenty minutes of searching (and viewing a few more humorously captioned cat photos) I downloaded a self help e-book full of techniques on how to overcome procrastination. I managed to read the first three chapters before I realized what I was doing: I was procrastinating about writing a column about procrastination by reading a book on how to overcome procrastination. In terms of irony, it was the perfect storm. I put the book aside and returned to the task at hand. After reading chapter four, of course.

Besides increased stress and anxiety, one of the problems with procrastinating is you find yourself cutting corners in order to complete your task on time (or more realistically, completing as soon after the deadline as possible). Properly quoted sources are replaced with vague references to "that guy" or "some magazine I read last week". At the eleventh hour, cliches which are normally avoided are thrown in like they're going out of style. After many years of procrastinating, I've found that rushing to complete a project right before the deadline is like trying to feed a coconut to a chicken. (See? I have no idea what that means, but since I don't have time to come up with a more suitable comparison, that's what I'm sticking with.)

As a chronic procrastinator, I know what happens next. After completing this one, I'll tell myself that this was the last time I'll wait to the last minute before starting a column. I'll probably even make a note to start working on next week's column sooner. Next thing I know, it's a week later and I'm looking at cat photos at 3am instead of finishing my column.

Staying up too late, that's another character flaw. I'll have to add that to the list. Eventually.