Beyond The Dance

I'm trying to write verse that has a circular effect where each stanza can be moved in front of or behind all the other stanza and still have the same message. I have no idea if this is acceptable in the world of poetry. This is an experiment, but with verse of great feelings.

Well... the experiment is definitely a success... loved it! ;-)

Blessings & best wishes - S.

William, I have no idea if it is acceptable either, but I do know you had gentle yet powerful emotion, leaving no doubt there is love, even as the years carve out routines and quietness. I think it is a great poem.

Poetry began as a method of saying what we dare not say in conversational mode - it was a shadow language used to mask and yet reveal so whatever form you choose is fine, William. If you are adhering to one of the set patters, like a sonnet, then there are rules but in the expression of your soul's eye, the rhythm is dictated by you, felt by you and disseminated by you in hopes that others can conjoin with what you have given them to test. That is one reason students have so much trouble with poetry sometimes - they read it a line at a time ignoring all punctuation (if it is there) and always trying the iambic approach because it is the basic rhythm of conversation. Some of us do not think in iambic feet but when you try to re-mold every poem into your own set pattern you lose the meaning and the worth. I love poetry because when I begin to write, the backbeat is first, the first line is the hardest because I know where it is going and all I need to determine is which pair of shoes to choose for my "feet" to walk in on the journey. Often I have the entire thing laid out in my head when I put pen to paper and I am more narrative than anything by description so I tend to be long-versed. Sometimes I have only a couplet or the final line and have to work backwards or all around the couplet. Whatever works for you is best for you. I liked this one it made me walk a new path because you set me up to travel smoothly and then yanked my feet out from under me on the last line every time.

Lovely Poem. Don't worry about the form. It really works well

Eloquent and elegant.

You have to put a lot of love and life into a marriage or a relationship to reach the point where you can say "I look at you and love my life."

This is such a wonderful poem. I especially love the last verse. It sums it up well.

I really enjoy this kind of poetry better, than all the rest. It flows easier, makes a statement and doesnt have to be read another time to get the true meaning of what you are saying.

Bill, this is beautiful. Mark this one a success.

I agree that your experiment was a success. This poem reminded me a great deal of my wife and my life with her, for which I am grateful to you. The simple ending still had an unexpected feel and complete resolution which made it and the whole poem feel deceptively easy, though it probably took a lot of crafting.

Wonderful emotions. I, too, agree that your experiment was a success. I felt this love this morning when I looked over at my partner. Our relationship is still growing and developing, so mornings like today's are special.

I agree with all comments above William, and I love the last verse and line also, because I have felt that so many times in my life, just looking at Bill sitting in his chair in the dining room where he read, from where I sat in the living room, only a few feet away, and a feeling of love would come over me and I knew how lucky I was just to be in the same world with him, let alone the same room space, I think you have just touched a nerve with many people in love,an absolutely wonderful poem. This is something you must share with your wife. I can't say how it touched me when I just read it. Thank you William.

Lovely poem and tribute to your wife and I especially like the concluding verses.

Can't add much to the above comments. It's a beautiful tribute and I especially love the last verse.

Would that I had known such a love.

That is a great poem, I am sure your wife will love this : )

I like the pattern - played with switching stanzas as I read a second time. And I love the poem - such an expression of love!

And the "time lapsed mortality" is a gorgeous phrase.

Romantic...:)

Donna, I appreciate your warm instructive thought out comments. It gives me pause to think about things in a different light.

Bravo!!!!!!!!!

Ahhh, now This I like!

William - I can see how many of these stanzas could include the last line as an ending to this intimate look at a man's love for his wife - happy just to share time, a smile, a glance. The feeling I got was of a fade-in to your life and then a fade-out, as if these thoughts were going on before and will continue after the ones you chose to write down. An effective way, I think, to illustrate the timelessness of your feeling.

Lovely and well-said.

Tom, you understand the gist clearly.

You do have a way of showing your love in verse William.

Beautiful caring thank you.