Todays Jokes

 Woman and a Fork

    There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things 'in order,' she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

    She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

    Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

    'There's one more thing,' she said excitedly.

    'What's that?' came the Pastor's reply.

    'This is very important,' the young woman continued. 'I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.'

    The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.

    That surprises you, doesn't it?' the young woman asked.

    'Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request,' said the Pastor.

    The young woman explained. 'My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork..' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'

    So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: 'Keep your fork ..the best is yet to come.'

    The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.

    At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, 'What's with the fork?' And over and over he smiled.

    During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.

    He was right.
    
    So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come.
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Horseback Riding

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
 
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
 
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap a way from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
 
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....
 
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse. And you thought all they did was say "Hello."
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 Tourist Trap

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin,'" the beachcomber said.

"Wow," said the breathless still-swimming tourist and slowed down.

The beachcomber then added, "The sharks got 'em."
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    ~DEATH~


    WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT!!!!!


    A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the
    examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."

    Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know." "You don't know? You, a
    Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"

    The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

    Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.

    I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one
    thing... I know my Master is there and that is enough."
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