My "Friend" Fibro

My "Friend" Fibro

by Marilyn Mackenzie

I have written about my constant companion, fibromyalgia, before.  What more can I say? 

I shared many of the symptoms and how fibro has affected my life.  It's a New Day

I told of the fatigue...I'm So Tired

And of the pain...Speaking of Pain...

I have told of strange complications, of the fact that any muscle or tissue can spasm, even veins and arteries...It's My Body!

And of IBS...Oh Fibro, You Rascal

And I have revealed fibro fog...Oh Fog, You Devil

I have not mentioned - much - depression, but many have experienced depression and know how horrible that can be.  With any chronic illness, it is difficult to discern whether depression is just a part of the illness, if it is caused by the illness, or whether it is a result of having to deal with all of the other symptoms.  There is the constant question, "Which came first....?"  No one really knows.  But depression does often become a part of the day of one who suffers pain on a regular basis.  We get tired of having pain.  We wonder, "Why me?"  We mourn the lives we once had, the activities that were once a part of our every day lives and can be no more.  We cry.  We are sad.  We retreat into ourselves. 

I read just the other day that it is perfectly normal for anyone and everyone to be sad and feel "down" or "blue" for two to four days a month.  When it becomes more than that, said the article I read, it is more of a problem and should be addressed by a professional.  Oh I have more than two to four days of mental misery per month!

There is even more to my daily "sufferings" though.  How does one begin to explain without sounding like a constant complainer?  That is not my goal.  My goal is not to elicit sympathy.  My goal is to explain, to educate - myself and others.  Every time I read about fibromyalgia, I learn something myself, something about myself.  If I don't understand the entirety of my syndrome, how can I expect my friends and family, or even my doctor to understand?  But we must all try.  Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue are such a huge part of our society anymore, that each one knows one or more persons with it.  Understanding is important.

Describing the pains associated with fibro should probably be attacked by a writer such as myself.  Sometimes I think that's exactly why I suffer this.  Because I can, not always as adequately as I would like, but I can, put some of the pains and other maladies into words.

Two nights ago, I experienced a new pain.  It began as a stabbing and sharp pain in the bottom of my left foot and rapidly shot up my leg to about three inches above my knee.  And then it stopped.  My hubby watched as I jumped, scrunched up my face and muttered, "Ow!"  He asked about my new pain.  He could tell it was a new one from my reaction to it.  For the next two hours, about every ten minutes, I experienced this new pain.

I always have pain in my back and in my left knee.  Those are both sites of injuries I had. 

The other pains shift and change.  The first time I visited a chiropractor after I arrived in Cincinnati, it was because I felt like I was having labor pains in my left underarm.  That's the way I described it, and while it sounds rather odd, it did get the message across that it was a BIG pain, that it was sort of a pulsating pain, and it was increasing in frequency and in strength.

But there is more to my life than pain, depression, IBS and fog.  I have constant digestive problems.  Periodically my doctor insists that I see a gastroenterologist, just to make sure my symptoms are not something more serious than just being a part of my fibro world.  I've had MRI's and x-rays and tests, but other than finding a bit of inflammation now and then, there is nothing "seriously" wrong with my digestive system.  Except that I cannot eat many foods without belching LOUDLY just minutes after eating.  I could live with that, I guess, except that it would be quite embarrassing to eat amongst strangers.  But I also have "a fire in my belly" as I tell my hubby.  Like any other fibro pain, the pain in my belly can scream out, "let me be your #1 pain today!" or it can quietly sit there saying, "I just wanted to remind you that I'm here."  Like I could forget.

Sometimes - but not always - the medications I take for pain and depression and IBS and everything else make me sick at the stomach.  When that happens, I have a pill for nausea too, but it makes me so tired that I usually have to retreat to the bedroom.  Sometimes a decision must be made.  Do I want to be so ill that I risk vomiting up all the other meds?  Or do I want to take the nausea pill and sleep for hours?

Sometimes the pain in my digestive area is nothing more than the stomach muscles doing what any other muscle can do with fibro.  It is spasming.  When you have a chronic illness, you learn to read and understand your body.  I have learned to tell whether my stomach is angry at something I ate, reacting to other medications, or just showing me that it can twitch and spasm if it wants to do so.

Sleeping is another problem.  No, not the fatigue, but sleeping.  It's confusing to me, to the doctors, to my family, and probably to you as well how one can have chronic fatigue and "shut down" periodically without a lot of warning and yet have trouble sleeping at other times.

I used to take a medication at night that helped with both pains and sleeping, but it is notorious for making one gain weight.  Since exercising is so painful, when I found out that the medication could be making me gain weight and keeping me from losing weight, I asked for a change.  Now I have a sleeping pill for nights.

Even with a sleeping pill, I don't always sleep through the night.  Some nights, I wake up and look at the clock.  2:45 a.m.  The next time I wake, I check the clock.  3:58 a.m.  Again at 4:47 a.m.  Again at 5:32 a.m.  Oddly enough, even though I have had a night like that, I probably won't hear my husband get up for work.  I won't hear him rummaging around in the closet for clothes, talking to our dog and cats, or turning on the TV to watch the morning news.  Once I finally do fall asleep, the house could fall down around me and I would not hear it.

Oh there are other symptoms and problems.  But we probably shouldn't adress them today.  It could get boring for you.  And...I think I have depressed myself enough for one day.

Fibro isn't really a friend, is he?  But he is my constant companion, one that I'm still getting to know and understand.

Hey.  As I learn something, I'll pass it along.  How's that?

Know what else?  Even with all of this - including the depression - the judge at my hearing for Social Security Disability said that all of my doctors said the same thing.  I smile in spite of pain.

That's not me.  That's God stepping in and being God.  That's Him reminding me that happiness is an outward thing, depending on people and experiences.  Joy is something inside.  It doesn't depend on anything outward.  My joy comes from the Lord.

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Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.                 Nehemiah 8:10

Note:  And if you want to read more about "my pain and welcome to it" click here: 

The Skin(ny) On Me

Ears That Go "Owwww!"

It's My Body!