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by Dale C.
Member since:
March 7, 2007

Bear Country - Second Chapter

September 24, 2007 10:58 AM EDT (Updated: October 09, 2007 06:11 PM EDT)
views: 743 | rating: 9.4/10 (241 votes) | comments: 207
            Sharon kept her face impassive.  “West?  Related to Sister West?”
           “Yes.  By marriage,” Leo said.  “We didn’t know your husband took your little girl by force, but I figured I’d better collect you. Don’t want you bringing the marines down on us before we get the situation straightened out.”
        “What do you mean by ‘straightened out’?”
           Leo shrugged.  “I don’t know.  It’s out of my hands.  We may send your daughter home tomorrow morning, but only if we know it won’t bring the marines down on us.  Living in Bear Country is illegal.”
           “So you know it's illegal to live over here.”
           “Yep.  It's against a bunch of laws, treaties, executive orders, and probably some local ordinances,” Leo said.  “But sometimes we obey a higher law.”
           “The laws are to keep Bear Country animals from learning to be afraid of people,” Sharon said.  “That would make them harder to catch if they got loose in The World.”
           “So I've been told,” Leo said.  He turned away and concentrated on his driving. 
          Leo didn’t pull a gun on Sharon.  Sharon thought about trying to use her martial arts skills to overpower the man.  She decided against that.  A fight could easily wreck the truck, and Leo’s overwhelming size advantage would be hard to counter at close quarters.  She leaned back and tried to relax.
          Leo looked over at her.  “If you don't get ice on your jaw you won’t be able to open your mouth tomorrow.”
           “Where would I get ice over here?”

           “Good question.  Maybe we’ll have it in a few years.  For now we’ll try cold water.”  Leo studied her face.  “You would look good minus the bruise and with a smile.”
           “You won’t see that for a while.”
           “Maybe.”  He kept looking at her.
           “What are you looking at?” 
            “I like the way the sun plays through your hair—turns it from brown to auburn.”  A smile wavered onto Sharon’s face then faded.  The tall man turned away.  “Sorry.”
           They rode silently for a few minutes, then Leo said, “You’ll be okay.  Don’t worry.”
           “The DJ on Rockport’s radio station said that nothing is what it seems out here,” Sharon said.  “I’m starting to believe him.”
           Leo said, “He’s right.  Absolutely nothing is what it seems out here.  No one is who they seem out here.  Trust no one.”
           “Not even you?”
           Leo grinned.  “You know the answer to that, or you think you do.  Even there, remember that there are wheels within wheels, lies within lies.”
           Sharon looked at the ruts ahead of her.   “So nothing is what it seems.  Here is something that doesn’t make sense.  Your trucks have reinforced suspensions.  You were ready to move out into Bear Country in less than eight hours.  I thought no one could predict an Exchange until three hours before they happened.  You didn’t prepare for this in three hours.”
           “No, we didn’t.”

           Sharon waited for him to continue, but he didn’t.  Instead he asked, “Know anything about the Wickes brothers?”
           “I went to school with Joe Wickes,” Sharon said.  “He's a nice guy.  Darrel tried to pick a fight with him once—drunk and stupid as usual.  Joe walked away when he could have pounded Darrel, and should have.  I can't believe Joe's living in a rusty old trailer with the other brothers and their wives.  I heard they use an outdoor toilet.”
           “And they drive with no driver's license or registration, doing everything else they can to thumb their nose at the law,” Leo said.
           “That's Anthony Wickes' doing.  He's like another Sister West, only maybe even more nuts,” Sharon said.  “He thinks the government is out to get him, so he does everything he can to make that true.  He may try to join you out here.”
           “If he does he'll regret it,” Leo said.  “So what does Sharon Mack do back in The World?”
           “Computer stuff.  Hardware, software, low-level stuff,” Sharon said.  “I used to be a real get down to the hardware and tweak the bare metal kind of girl, but now I mostly do support.”
           “A techie.  You don't look like a techie.”
           Sharon shrugged.  “What does a techie look like?”

           “I don't really know,” Leo said.  “Maybe you could help if we have trouble with the stuff we have in the back.”
           Sharon glanced at the back of the truck.  “What are we carrying?”

           “Solar cell panels,” Leo said.  “This truck represents about five percent of our electricity.”
           “Just five percent?” Sharon asked. “How many trucks did you have?”
           “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that,” Leo said.  “Solar cells are the key to making it over here.  They’re expensive and they don’t give a lot of power, but they’ll keep giving it any time the sun’s out for the next twenty-plus years.  By that time we’ll have built up enough to make our own sources of power.”
           “What about night time and cloudy days?”  Sharon looked up at the sky.  “Speaking of clouds, have you ever seen anything like that?”
           Leo took one look at a towering mass of clouds approaching from the southwest, and then stopped the truck.  “I’ll need your help!  We have to get a tarp over the solar panels and tie it down.  We’ll remember it when we decide on your daughter.”
           Sharon hesitated, then got out and ran to help Leo with the tarp.
           Thunder rumbled, and the air suddenly got much colder and wetter.  Sharon secured her part of the tarp and ran on to the next section.  She found herself beside Leo, their hands touching as they worked to tie the tarp.   The clouds went in front of the sun, and the afternoon suddenly looked like dusk.  A few large, heavy raindrops fell.  Lightning flashed, followed almost immediately by a clap of thunder, then by a gust of wind.  A line of rain came toward them at freight train speed across the savanna.  The rain hit them, almost instantly soaking and partially blinding them.
           They tried to keep working, but marble-sized hail began pelting them.  Leo hesitated, tied one last rope, and then tapped Sharon on the shoulder.  They ran to the truck cab and hopped in, dripping and followed by nearly horizontal rain.
           Leo leaned back and yelled over the noise of the storm, “It’s a bad one.  I’ve only seen it get that dark that fast one other time, and I’m glad I wasn’t outside then.”
          The wind shook the truck.  A gust raised something in the back and let it slam back down.  Leo shook his head.  “Solar panel is like a sail.  I hope we got them down tight.”
           Sharon started shivering as her adrenaline flowed away.  Leo took off his soaked shirt, pulled her over and put it over both of them.  Sharon moved closer. Leo pulled her head down onto his chest.  She could feel hard, bare ridges of stomach muscle under her hand.  Leo brushed a strand of her hair out of her face, and then gently stroked her wet brown hair.  She looked up and met his eyes.  He half-smiled, moved a fraction of an inch toward her lips, then closed his eyes, sighed, and leaned back.
           She started to pull away, then put her head back on his chest.  She closed her eyes.  I didn’t want him to kiss me.   An image sprang into her mind of him continuing the slow movement of his lips toward hers—of lips touching.  She tried to push that image out of her head, but part of her mind held and savored it.  After a minute or two, she raised her head.  “What’s that?”
           “Rain.  Wind.  Thunder.  Oh wait, it’s hailing again.”
           The hail came down with increasing force.  Sharon looked up after a particularly loud impact.  “It’s pitting the glass.  If this keeps up we may have to walk back.”
           “No.  You really don’t want to be on foot in Bear Country after dark.  Speaking of which, it looks like it could rain all night.”  Leo sighed.  “I would drive on but I can’t see ten feet in front of me.”
           He started the truck and turned on the heater.  “We can’t let it run too long or we’ll run out of gas.”
           They huddled together in their wet clothes.  Sharon said, "It sure got dark in a hurry."  Thunder crashed very close to them, and she felt Leo jump at the sound.  "At least you're human.  I was beginning to wonder."
           The thunderstorm continued through the evening and into the night.  Leo let the truck run for fifteen minutes every hour.  He found a thin, tattered blanket in an emergency kit and they wrapped that around them.  That helped some, but they were both shivering soon after the heater stopped.  Finally Leo sat up.  “This isn’t working.  I could probably make it, but you need to get out of those wet clothes.”
           Sharon pulled away.  “That would be a no.”
           Leo smiled.  “I know.  You don’t trust me.  Why should you?  That’s why I’m giving you back your pistol, fully loaded.  No tricks.  I don’t want you to die of exposure.”
           Sharon took the weapon, checked to make sure it was loaded, and then put it on the seat beside her.  She stripped to her underwear and put her clothes in front of the heater vents.  She moved back to her side of the cab, but Leo reached over and gently pulled her back to him.  “For tonight—just for tonight, consider me just a way of keeping warm.”
           The thunder and rain eased off from time-to-time, but new lines of thunderstorms kept coming.  Wind and rain lashed the truck, and thunder cracked sharply, uncomfortably near the truck.  In spite of the storm, Sharon’s body gradually relaxed against Leo’s.  Eventually the rain fell into a soothing rhythm.  After a time she realized that she had dozed off.  She frantically reached back for the pistol.
           “It’s still there,” Leo said.  “No tricks.  Not tonight.”
           “That's what the first guy I kissed said before the kiss, after which he tried to get me to sleep with him,” Sharon said.  “Didn’t want to take no for an answer.”
           “I’m sorry.”
           Sharon looked up at Leo, “I sure know how to pick them, don’t I?  Darrel, and Sam Kittle--”
           “Sam Kittle,” Leo said. “That's a name I've heard before.  One of the escaped convicts.  And he was---”
           “Yes, he was my first kiss,” Sharon said.  “Not a really great choice, huh?”
           Leo shrugged.  “The pistol is still there and still loaded.”
           “I believe you.”
           Sharon dozed off again.  Sometime later she was vaguely aware of firm ridges of  muscles against the front of her body.  Her arms were moving slowly across masculine flesh, massaging the cold away.  She felt the response as her hands moved, and her own body started to respond.  Then she woke up a little more and stopped her hands abruptly.  Leo sat up and pulled away from her.  "You might not want to do that.  I’m here to keep you warm tonight, but I’m not made out of stone.”
           “I’m sorry.”
           “I’m not.”  Leo took her hands in his.  “But let’s just sleep now, okay?”
           They sat in the darkness.  A silence grew between them, not uncomfortable but with a certain tension.  Finally, Sharon heard Leo’s breathing get slower and deeper.  As she tried to fall back asleep, her  mind darted uncomfortably between images—from Darrel in one of his many mean drunks with Allyssa huddling terrified, to the balding convict’s head bouncing off a rock, then to Sam Kittle and the kiss.
           It stopped raining at some point, but the night went on and on.  Sharon wasn’t aware of going back to sleep, but she must have because when she opened her eyes the first hints of dawn showed in the now clear sky.  A wolf howled, shockingly close.  Sharon looked out the window and saw movement outside the truck.  She reached back and picked up her pistol.  A dog-like face with piercing pale blue eyes appeared inches from the passenger-side window.
           Leo whispered, “Amber wolves.  They’re probably just curious.”
           The wolf stood on its hind legs and looked Sharon in the eye.  It sniffed at the window and then walked around the truck.  Finally it made a complex twittering sound and walked away.  Several dozen other wolves joined the curious one.  They trotted to a low hill and sat there watching the truck.  Sharon hastily pulled her still damp clothes back on.
           Leo sat up and put his shirt back on.  He looked at Sharon with a hint not of coldness, but of distance.  “It’s light enough that we can go on now.  I hope your husband and daughter are ok.”
           “My ex-husband.”
           “I hope Sister West and her daughter are ok too.”
           Sharon stiffened.  “Daughter?”
           “Allison,” Leo said.  “Allison West.  You’ll like her, for a while.”
           “And then?”
           “Who knows?  You may be kindred spirits.  I doubt it though.  If Darrel is the one I think he is, then you and Allison may have a common relationship.  If you don’t mind me asking, what was the problem with you and Darrel?”
           “I’m not twenty anymore,” Sharon said.  “I need more from a guy than a nice car, a flat stomach, and a good line of bull.  I don’t want my daughter to see a perpetually broke and drunk man as what the men in her life should be like.”
           “Yet the Church of the Second Chance shapes people like that into responsible members of our community,” Leo said.  “Everyone in it has a past that they are trying to improve on.”
           “And what do you have in your past?”
           Leo sat upright.  “I’ve been investigated for murder twice.  Both times it was ruled self-defense.”
           “Was it really self-defense?”
           His lips smiled.  “God and I know.  That’s enough.”
            

****

  
           The amber wolves kept their distance from the truck when Leo started it, but they kept pace with it, howling or twittering from time-to-time.  The rain turned the route to Sister West’s new compound into a treacherous obstacle course.  Leo steered the truck in wide detours around mud and standing water.  He shook his head.  “I’m worried about a couple of low spots.  With this much rain they’ll be tricky.  One’s coming up in a few minutes.”
           The truck came to the crest of a long gentle hill and started down a steeper slope on the other side.  Leo steered the truck toward a relatively high spot between two oxbow lakes.  Waist-high grass made it hard to see where the lakes ended and solid ground began.
           “This is one of the spots,” Leo said.  “Looks like a river used to flow through here, but it changed its course years ago.  Definitely muddy but we should be able to get through if we keep up our momentum.”
           The truck skidded as it hit a mud puddle mostly hidden by grass and fish-tailed.  Leo controlled the skid and they made it through a low spot, but then the front tires hit a shallow gully.  The gully was only a foot or two deep but the truck bottomed out.  It lost much of its momentum and bogged down when it hit the other side of the gully.  Leo tried to back up, but the truck remained stuck.  He got out and pushed, with Sharon steering, but the truck just bogged down more.  Finally he shook his head.  “We're wasting gas.  Turn off the engine.”
           Sharon got out of the truck and waded over to him through the mud and wet grass.  She felt ice-cold water seep into her shoes.  The amber wolves still kept their distance, testing the air and watching Sharon and Leo with their pale blue eyes.   Leo said, “I hear something.”
           ”What?”
           Leo held up his hand for silence.  Sharon listened intently.  There was a faint but deep rumbling sound in the distance—deep enough to be thunder but continuous.  The amber wolves howled in unison.  The rumbling seemed to get closer.  Sharon looked at Leo.  “What is that?  A tornado?”
           Leo shook his head. “I don’t think so.  The sky’s wrong.”
           Sharon felt the ground start to vibrate under her feet.  The amber wolves ran uphill, away from the truck.  “Wolves have good instincts.  Why did they do that?  Is it a stampede?  Buffalo?  Mammoths?”
           Leo shook his head.  “I don’t think so.  It’s something else.  Wait a second.  Flashflood!”
           “In the Midwest?”
           “The Exchange must have blocked the river.  It’s breaking through into the old riverbed.  Come on!”  He started toward the high ground.
           Sharon hesitated.  “What about the truck? The solar panels?”
           “No time!”
           A nine-foot tall wall of water and uprooted trees surged into sight through the scrubby trees and rushed along the low area directly toward the truck.  Water hit and smashed a little grove of trees, adding the smashed wood to the swirling mass of debris.  Sharon ran toward the high ground, her feet slowed by the deep mud.  She fell, and a strong hand lifted her to her feet.  Leo yelled, “We won’t make it! Back to the truck!  It may shield us from the debris!”
           They ran to the side of the truck away from the onrushing water and grabbed the side.  Sharon looked at the wall of water, and then at Leo.  “This isn’t going to work, is it?”
           Leo shook his head and yelled over the roar, “Get a good breath.  Hold on as long as you can.  Stay below the windows because the glass will go flying.  When the water hits, try to stay deep as long as you can.  Don’t give up.”  He put an arm around her and grabbed the door handle.  She looked up at his face, inches away from her and kissed him just as the wall of water hit the truck.
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Comments: 207

Lori F. Sep 24, 2007, 10:59am EDT
Dale I will come back later and vote....just wanted to tell you congrats. You deserve it. Love the book.

Lori
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Dale C. Sep 24, 2007, 11:09am EDT
If you haven't already read the first chapter of Bear Country, you can click Here to do so. Remember, only ratings and comments on the second chapter count toward choosing the 5 finalists.
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Michelle K. Sep 24, 2007, 11:32am EDT
Congradulations on making Round Two.
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Judi F. Sep 24, 2007, 1:02pm EDT
I'm here. Great job, Dale!
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Lune Wolfsong Sep 24, 2007, 1:31pm EDT
Congrats on advancing! This chapter was a good read, even better than the last.
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Minnette M. Sep 24, 2007, 1:34pm EDT
Dale - I didn't get a chance to get to your first chapter, but I'm caught up with you now. Great 1st and 2nd! A 10 to say the least. Good luck!
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Verna W. Sep 24, 2007, 2:15pm EDT
Very good. Congrads on being in the finals. It will be easier to decide the winner now that there are 25 instead of 296. You should do very well.
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~Sia McKye~ Sep 24, 2007, 2:18pm EDT
David, I was so happy to see your entry. You are in the minority, being a guy, but we like you anyway. I'll be around to read, vote, and comment later.
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Wendy C. Sep 24, 2007, 2:24pm EDT
Dale this is wonderful. You showed me the entire chapter instead of telling.. Love it!
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Bethany C. Sep 24, 2007, 3:45pm EDT
This is great stuff, Dale!
I'm a believer now. Prior to this contest I had heard tales that men could write romance, but I didn't believe it. Not really.
I guess this just goes to show me!
Here's my 10!
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Robin"Buffy's Stunt Double" D. Sep 24, 2007, 4:45pm EDT
I've just started to read the finalists' chapters but your title caught my eye and I enjoyed this chapter. Now I have to go back and read the first :) Congratulations!
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terri molina Sep 24, 2007, 5:40pm EDT
Just stopping by to wish you luck, Dale. =) I'll be by soon to read the whole thing. (thankfully we have two weeks!)

Terri
Dark Obsession–Chapter Two
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Karen W. Sep 24, 2007, 5:43pm EDT
Hi Dale- This is even better than the first chapter. Nice.
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Kristin W. Sep 24, 2007, 6:03pm EDT
Hi Dale. Congrats on making it to the next round. Like the way this is developing.

Here Comes The Wedding Planner Two
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Ian M. Sep 24, 2007, 6:50pm EDT
I'm amazed at how professionally written this is, at the rate you wrote and edited it. To me, this does pass as romance, and the sensual scenes portray a lot of what I'd expect to find in a romance novel, if I were that audience. The amber wolves were a great addition to Bear Country, and I hope to see this pass to the next round. Good luck, Dale.
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wiaka's just ... curious Sep 24, 2007, 6:58pm EDT
Dale congratulations for moving on to the 2nd chapter round.

This story keeps moving and the reader starts to see a relationship build how far I don't know, because I believe there are going to be some twists in the story as it moves forward.

The kiss in the end was great, I didn't expect that one. lol

Blessings
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Sheila Deeth Sep 24, 2007, 7:52pm EDT
Congratulations Dale! And this is certainly an exciting chapter. I liked the warmth and sleepiness in the car. Good mix of explanations and details. Lots of questions to be resolved and a cliffhanger too. Great chapter!

And the kiss? Not sure. I think it's a nice touch - she's worried about her kid, but just in the here and now, about to get washed away in a flash flood... Yeah, I think it works. Besides, I would read straight on and it would just be a nudge on the way if I turn the page.
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Kathleen ♥ L. Sep 24, 2007, 9:09pm EDT
Okay, Dale this one is good. You don't do too bad for a guy... but then Nicholas Sparks (Sp) is male and his romance novels are very popular. From the Sci Fi angle you're doing well so far... but then I'm a sucker for the "alternate but not too weird" reality theme. If you don't advance here look into the Luna imprint under the Harlequin/ Sillhouette romance group, this is just the kind of stuff they publish.
Personally I'd like to see the finished product, one way or another ;>)
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Larry B. Sep 24, 2007, 9:28pm EDT
Congratulations on advancing
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J.C. Alexander Sep 25, 2007, 1:30am EDT
Dale, I'm so glad you made it into Round 2. I really like this – it lives up to the expectations I had after reading Chapter 1.

I've got a few general impressions for you, and a couple minor nits:

In this chapter you're giving more hints as to the nature of the Exchange… that it may not be as simple as initially explained. Sister West's people knew about it long before it happened - they prepared for it, bringing solar panels and supplies from The World into Bear Country. I'm already asking… how did they know? Good way to build the story.

In the second line, Leo says he's related to Sister West through marriage. My first reaction – geez, Leo is married?!?! Or wait… maybe his brother is Sister West's hubby, or something like that. Whew! You might want to clarify more specifically what the relationship is here.

"Even there, remember that there are wheels within wheels, lies within lies." – this line is EXCELLENT! Your statement makes me wonder – is he an undercover agent of some sort? Someone who's joined Sister West's people (who sound really nasty, by the way) in order to infiltrate the group and break it apart? Whatever the explanation, I like that he's more than just muscle for the group.

"…towering mass of clouds approaching from the southwest, and then stopped the truck." – IMO, 'then stopped the truck' seems an inadequate description here. There's a huge storm coming and he needs to tie down the solar panels. In the next sentence he urgently demands Sharon's help, so he recognizes the clouds as a precursor to a serious storm. I'd think he would slam on the brakes, screech to a halt, or maybe even cause the truck to fishtail. Stopping the truck seems so… tame.

"She could feel hard, bare ridges of stomach muscle under her hand." Pardon me while I have a purely female reaction. Drooooooool…

I didn't have a problem with the kiss at the end – I probably would have done the same thing. Saving her daughter is the goal, but in this scene she's about to die.

You've built up a great cliff-hanger for the end of Chapter 2. You'd better get published, Dale, or I'll be wondering for the rest of my life what's going to happen to Leo and Sharon. Best of luck, and I hope to see you in the finals. I'm voting a '10' for you today.
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Alison Pearce Sep 25, 2007, 2:35am EDT
Congratulations on making it through Dale! This is another excellent chapter with plenty of visual imagery and enticing dialogue. You kept the interest going throughout! Great job!
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Michelle S. Sep 25, 2007, 7:46am EDT
Dale, congratulations on advancing to round 2! Still not a sci-fi fan, but this is a book I would read. You write very well and very descriptively as if the reader is actually there. The scene in the rain when Leo takes off his shirt is HOT! 10 from me and good luck!
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Cindy F. Sep 25, 2007, 9:41am EDT
Dale...great chapter. Leo is a great character. Good luck and best wishes to you!
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Michalea M. Sep 25, 2007, 10:44am EDT
Good luck. Very original. and timely Not your mother's romance novel :-)
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Bac P. Sep 25, 2007, 11:27am EDT
Wow. That was exciting. I liked this chapter even better than the first. Action packed, really liked the cliffhanger ending. Great character building. Intriguing with lots more sexual tension too. Ahem, rather enjoyable. Is it weird I keep thinking Indiana Jones...? Great work!
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Jaime R. Sep 25, 2007, 11:46am EDT
Great job - I gave you a 10
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Barbara C. Sep 25, 2007, 11:47am EDT
Hi Dale,
I also liked this chapter better than the first. This time you get a 10.
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C M. Sep 25, 2007, 12:30pm EDT
Lots of sexiness and excitement in the works. There's something about that Leo West that is dangerous and yet, you can help wondering what he looks like naked. Lol. Got a better feel for Sharon in this chapter too...although she doesn't seem like the over-concerned mom...at times. But, it goes as it goes. Maybe you should make the kid into a sentimental object that Darrel stole. Sorry, that's not meant to be caddy as it reads. Might be more helpful in the believability department in the sexy preoccupied thoughts scenes though. Personally, I'm not too bothered. Great job. Really enjoyed both chapters.
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t b. Sep 25, 2007, 2:29pm EDT
This is very good and lived up to my expectations from the first round!

My favorite story didn't make it through to the semi's.
This story is my favorite still left in the running.
It will be the only one I will read and vote on this round.
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richard h. Sep 25, 2007, 3:35pm EDT
Great job Dale. The second chapter brings in more twists to make the reader want to know more. Leo as a character was developed more in this chapter. Enjoyed the read and hope to see you in the next round.
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Sharon B. Sep 25, 2007, 4:09pm EDT
Great job on making it to round two, and a great second chapter. A firm 10 here.
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Jerri H. Sep 25, 2007, 4:28pm EDT
Congrats
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Sherry M. Sep 25, 2007, 5:19pm EDT
Since I missed this story the first round, I went back so I could catch up. I guess this isn't my kind of romance story. I do wish you good luck though.
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Sharon A. Sep 25, 2007, 5:20pm EDT
No comment really...just love it. Congrats! Very compelling/
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Taylor ~hopes no one forgets her!~ Blue Sep 25, 2007, 5:25pm EDT
Great job...1o for YOU!
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Kimberly H. Sep 25, 2007, 6:03pm EDT
You've done it again! Great Job.

I like the way you keep giving us little hints and subtle clues. The comment about Leo being related to Sister West by marriage....but not telling us specifics, wonderful. Everything about this chapter makes me want to more - more about the exhange, more about the Leo and Sharon and more about this Sister West group. Great job pulling readers into the story
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K. Gnash Sep 25, 2007, 6:16pm EDT
congrats on round two! I'm enjoying the story, thanks!
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Karl Leuba Sep 25, 2007, 7:16pm EDT
This is getting to be a great yarn. One tiny suggestion. Let Leo suggest gathering some of the hail before the rain melts it for the bruised jaw. Just to give him a little more appeal, and a sense of calm in the face of the storm.
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Chase V. Sep 25, 2007, 7:26pm EDT
Congratulations on advancing Dale, and this picks up where the other one left off nicely:) I did notice Marine spelled without a capital I believe two times but this is great story telling! Thanks for the invite to read more:)
Chase:)
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Maggie W. Sep 25, 2007, 7:27pm EDT
You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet - literally. LOL.

Dale, this is great.

I got that Leo must either have a brother who married Sister West or they are step-siblings.

You have successfully created one of those men that a woman knows is going to take her waaay outside of the comfort zone - yet can't quite walk away from. Kudos, I find that there is a delicate balance between the (overly done) stereotypical "bad boy" and the true anti-hero. I personally love a real anti-hero and it appears that our Mr. West is developing into a fine one.

Although the thoughts she has in the cuddling up for warmth scene and later while asleep don't bother me, er, well depends on one's definition of bother...(is it getting warm in here?)...the kiss right at the end of Chapter 2 doesn't feel quite right to me.

I can't help but think that if my drunken psycho of an ex-husband snatched my kid - kissing some guy right before a wall of water knocks me to hell and gone isn't what I would do. Now, if the aftermath of being swept downstream and crawling out of the water caused one of those "oh, thank god - let's prove I am really alive" moments - then I would buy into it.

Not knowing what comes next - it is hard to say whether or not the kiss will work.

I want more of this story.
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Stephen B. Sep 25, 2007, 7:53pm EDT
INTERESTING 2ND CHAPTER. MY ONLY CONFUSION IS ABOUT HOW LEO GETS TO DECIDE ABOUT HER DAUGHTER AND THEN WISHES SHE IS OK. ARE WE TALKING THE "STOCKHOLM" SYNDROME... THE HOSTAGE FALLS FOR HER CAPTOR? I WOULD BE FRANTIC IF MY CHILD WAS MISSING. I LIKE WHERE THE STORY MIGHT GO. BUT I NEED SHARON TO BE A LITTLE MORE BELIEVABLE.
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Rory K. Nielsen Sep 25, 2007, 9:09pm EDT
Congratulations on making it to the next round. I, too, would like to know more about this story and its characters. Best of luck in the contest.
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Kawanee H. Sep 25, 2007, 9:10pm EDT
Good story.. congrats on making it to round 2
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James R. Sep 25, 2007, 10:21pm EDT
Dale, very nice job on this chapter. It had an effective pace and you managed to build up tension over the course of the chapter. Like some of the other readers, I felt that I was getting to know Leo better this chapter, just as Sharon was going through the same process.

You also made me want to know more about Bear Country. From what we have seen, it is a very challenging place to live. I'll be voting after reading more of the chapters, but I really like what I see here.
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Gayle S. Sep 25, 2007, 10:24pm EDT
Dale - wow. Very compelling and sexy! Nice details to keep up the other worldlyness without ramming it into us. Good luck!
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Larry H. Sep 25, 2007, 10:28pm EDT
Nice story thanks for sharing..
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vickey w Sep 25, 2007, 11:18pm EDT
I want more, I am so impressed with these two chapters. Loved It and Congrats.
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Maureen B. Sep 26, 2007, 12:25am EDT
I, too want more. Leo sounds like my kind of guy. You have created a whole lot of anticipatory thoughts in my mind. Can't wait to see what is happening next. Rates another 10 from me. Best of luck in the next round. I just know you're going to make it!
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Leonard P. Sep 26, 2007, 2:34am EDT
Gets better as it goes along. I'd like to read more. Wouldn't be surprised if this book is already a bestseller in some alternate world.
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Barbara L. Sep 26, 2007, 2:48am EDT
Hi Dale,

This chapter is even better than the first. Glad to see Leo showing his emotional side.

"For tonight - just for tonight, consider me just a way of keeping warm."

This is a brilliant piece of dialogue from Leo. Loved it. The subtle sexiness is a believable moment woven perfectly into the story line. It provided avenues for this story to go many interesting places.

The writing is strong and clear as you meticulously hook the reader with the suspense to come. The theme and story line have stayed smooth throughout, the dialogue natural, and the interaction lively.

You get a second "10" from me.
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Andy Z. Sep 26, 2007, 10:11am EDT
This is a great build on the first chapter. The dialogue sounded very natural and really built us a deeper understanding of these two characters.
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Lexie B. Sep 26, 2007, 11:35am EDT
good luck.
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Darla P. Sep 26, 2007, 2:57pm EDT
Congrats, and nicely done.
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Vivian A. Sep 26, 2007, 2:58pm EDT
First read through Dale, one more for comments :)
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K S. Sep 26, 2007, 4:14pm EDT
You have managed to keep my interest .... and have now piqued my curiousity .... keep up the good work ... I look forward to reading your next chapter ....
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Susan B. Sep 26, 2007, 4:21pm EDT
Still interesting, but I find it hard to classify as a romance. :) 10 anyway
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dee-dee Wishes you the best life has to offer S. Sep 26, 2007, 4:51pm EDT
Dale, I so enjoyed this 2 chapter. I liked the first chapter as you know. I think by far this is a winner. There is a lot going on. It has kept me interested from the start. you had better keep writing I want to know more. I like how you have held back some, I like Leo & the way he responds. Love the title Bear Country. To think a man can write a romance like this! Well done. Congratulations, I will be watching this one very closely. I think I will ask a few of my friends to please come read this if they haven't. good Luck always,
God Blessings
10*
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Rand Phares Sep 26, 2007, 5:35pm EDT
Great work, Dale. I liked the first chapter, and found that I liked the second one even better.

Good dialogue.

Since they're kissing outside the truck when the wall of water hits, I'm wondering if they'll be magically inside the truck at the start of Chapter 3, or if they're about to join the trees and mud in a quick journey down the ravine.
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Lazarus B. Sep 26, 2007, 6:01pm EDT
Dale,
congratulations on advancing and on being able to write this from the woman's point of view. As a resident of an alternate universe, I appreciate the way that all possibilities are open. I think as well that you do a really good job handling the dialogue and using it to draw us into the story without it seeming forced at all. Now my question, what does this phrase mean: "her adrenaline flowed away"?

Continued good luck in the competition; and remember, on behalf of guys everywhere, don't be afraid to win!
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Angela P. Sep 26, 2007, 6:09pm EDT
Woo Hoo! for making round two, the second chapter is just as intriguing.
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Mary Z. Sep 26, 2007, 8:40pm EDT
Dale, this second chapter keeps the tension flowing and the mysteries piling up yet you managed to clear up some things from chapter 1.
Great job- this book really holds one's interest!
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Theresa R. Sep 26, 2007, 10:22pm EDT
Fast paced and fun. Thanks for a good read.
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Gina Robinson Sep 27, 2007, 12:09am EDT
Dale--Excellent cliffhanger! It has me wanting to read on and see what happens. You have some good sexual tension in the sleeping scene. There's plenty of action in this chapter and lots of story questions to keep the reader intrigued. A 10 from me.
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Jennine D. Sep 27, 2007, 1:21am EDT
More, give us more. Great story, wonderful writing. Love this.
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Stephen Prosapio Sep 27, 2007, 2:27am EDT
I'm not booing -- I'm shouting "DAAAAAAAAAAAALE."

:-)

I'll try and be back later for a more complete commentary. I really love the uniqueness of this story. You've great tension between your leads. All the makings of a great movie as well -- very visual.

You know you've got my 10. 1 down and 9 to go.
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debra g. Sep 27, 2007, 10:19am EDT
I had to tie a knot in this rope you have me hanging from.I guess a flash flood was the best place to leave off.Good luck.
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Denise B. Sep 27, 2007, 10:52am EDT
you sure know how to keep the action going. And how to keep your audience hanging!! good luck and a 10 for you.
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Leslie "Missy" T. Sep 27, 2007, 11:25am EDT
WOW! I gave you a ten. I hope you make it farther because I have got to know what happens next!
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Brandea M. Sep 27, 2007, 1:26pm EDT
This one is a nail-biter! I have got to read more! 10!
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Dolphi D. Sep 27, 2007, 1:47pm EDT
Great story, Dale! Congrats and good luck!
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Dena Straughn Sep 27, 2007, 1:56pm EDT
Good second chapter.---oh yeah--and 1st one.


Dancing with my Dream (Vote Round Two)"
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Janet "Jax" B. Sep 27, 2007, 2:21pm EDT
Good job....now I have to wait again for the 3rd chapter...
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Lydia aka Freedom's Daughter Sep 27, 2007, 3:32pm EDT
Congratulations, I really like this story. Nice romantic build-up, very interesting plot, action, texture, characters you can feel for, it's just a wonderful read:)
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maria (lurking in the shadows of the night) B. Sep 27, 2007, 6:12pm EDT
congrats on reaching the second round. I enjoyed the first chapter and this one also. Can't wait to see what happens.
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J R B. Sep 27, 2007, 7:00pm EDT
Very good, Dale
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John Philipp Sep 27, 2007, 8:03pm EDT
Dale: Great chapter! Love the ending. Exciting. It's good to have some action scenes in a romance novel. Keep it up and good luck.
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(The Other) Dale C. Sep 27, 2007, 8:25pm EDT
Congrats on making round two. After reading this chapter I can hardly wait for the next one! You've got me hooked into a strange new world and an adventure that makes me wish I were in that other world too.

Please keep me informed as to when the next chapter comes out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck... this is a story I want to follow to the end... at least so far. Love your writing style, sir.
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(The Other) Dale C. Sep 27, 2007, 8:28pm EDT
Oh, btw... I was picturing this as a movie as I read. That's a good sign. I could see it all, as it happened. You keep up at this rate and it might be a good REAL movie. The special effects, would be outstanding, done by the right people.
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Ramzy S. Sep 27, 2007, 9:24pm EDT
Couple remarks. Much suspense. Though it starts slow. Cuts off at the end which I'm sure is your intent. To sum, it was more than a pleasure to read. :)
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Susan L. Sep 27, 2007, 10:31pm EDT
action packed, suspensful, romantic... all the elements of a best seller. maybe even a movie.

There's a lot going on in this chapter and it keeps the reader moving forward in a even pace. I too don't think she would be kissing him before the water hit, but embracing him instead. There is so much going on for her in this new world, but let's not forget her main purpose.

I like the mysterious characterization of Leo. We don't know if we can trust him or if he is the bad guy. excellent!
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Ginger C. Sep 27, 2007, 11:53pm EDT
Great read, good story line, excellent writing, strong characters, would love to read the whole thing when it's finished. Great job.
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Denise B. Sep 28, 2007, 7:40am EDT
interesting story line. I like it.
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Sammie B. Sep 28, 2007, 10:30am EDT
"Even there, remember that there are wheels within wheels, lies within lies."" - Hmm...the reference to 'there' in this line rather confused me. Maybe I'm just being slow this morning (which, of course, is very possible due to lack of sleep), but I thought they were talking about the place they were in, so the 'there' just confused me.

I dunno, but it seems strange to me how chummy their dialogue appears. I mean, if I were in that type fo situation I definitely wouldn't be talking that informally to Leo. I suppose that could say a lot about the character, but it just doesn't seem to fit how you portrayed her in the first chapter, I think.

I love introducing the murder thing and Leo's coy response. Very intriguing and deceptive. ^_^

Now, I'm not usually one for romance, but I did find that the romance scenes here were written just right, I think, to allude to certain things without having to go into too much detail, which I think is cool.

I love the suspense at the end. Really makes me want to keep reading and find out what's going to happen. A flood! Who would've guessed? I love how you mixed the action in at the end...the perfect sort of cliff hanger!
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Jamie C. Sep 28, 2007, 12:30pm EDT
Excellent 2nd chapter, Dale. Action- packed and the tension between your characters is great. Congratulations on advancing to round 2!
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Donald M. Sep 28, 2007, 1:10pm EDT
Congratulations Dale. Good luck and best wishes for a million dollar contract. Lets see how the end turns out.
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Sara :-) Sep 28, 2007, 2:51pm EDT
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read your second chapter. I wish you all the best with Bear Country.

Good Luck!
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Ruthe M. Sep 28, 2007, 4:23pm EDT
Congratulations, Dale.

I'm happy to see the flow is there between chapters one and two. It was a good read, with very good detail and imagery. I hope to see you advance. Best wishes.
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melindafstanley Stanley Sep 28, 2007, 7:07pm EDT
Hi Dale,

I've finally had a moment to read your second chapter. It's wonderful. Loved it. Better than your first chapter. Good Luck to you!

Melinda ~Partners in Passion~
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Dave S. Sep 28, 2007, 9:56pm EDT
Dale: Great chapter! I also enjoyed it more than the first. (I think I was too hung up on the term Bear "Country" as I explained in my comment there.) The story is developing nicely and the romance sparks are beginning to fly!

Some nits (of course):

'She found herself beside Leo, their hands touching as they worked to tie the tarp.' Maybe touching "occasionally?" I don't see how they could tie with hands touching.

'... howling or twittering from time-to-time.' I don't think you should hyphenate, i.e. 'time to time.'

'The truck skidded as it hit a mud puddle mostly hidden by grass and fish-tailed.' Might be better as 'The truck skidded and fish-tailed as it hit a mud puddle mostly hidden by grass.'
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Stephanie B. Sep 28, 2007, 10:07pm EDT
This is a very intriguing premise. It's done well, but so sparingly, it's a little hard to see how it all goes together and how this could work. Having said that, I can't think how you could have done more without distracting from the main characters, and I'm always for the main characters.

I found the story interesting and, if I don't quite buy the quick companionship between two, given Mom is chasing her daughter (I'd be a lot less trusting), the situations is so extraordinary that I can't call it noncredible. And sometimes you sense things you didn't even know you sensed. So, I buy it enough to want to follow the characters further.

You've got a heck of a start here. Good job!

Best of luck!
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Sherrie Super Sep 28, 2007, 10:11pm EDT
Great entry! Original and well written. Good luck in the contest!
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Imogene Q. Sep 28, 2007, 10:21pm EDT
I'm voting here and will send any comments privately.
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