Good Humor Monday Spotlight: John Philipp

Hello again, good citizens of Gatherville.  It's Monday, which means it's time for another trip down Good Humor Monday lane in the Gather Essentials: Writing group.

Something new today.  An interview!  Every month I plan on conducting an interview with one of the members here at the Writing Essentials group so that we can get to know a little more about them.  And since Mondays are for humor, who better to start off with than one of the humor staples here in the group and at Gather:  John Philipp 

Last week I have the priviledge to sit down with John and conduct the following interview.  Well, I was sitting down; it was an email interview so for all I know John was standing naked on his back porch juggling cabbages as he answered these questions.  But answer them he did, so here we go:

CC:  How long have you been writing humor?
JP:  Truthfully, about six years.
Untruthfully, from the time the first kid in preschool said, "Johnny's funny."

CC:  At a party, would you describe yourself as the life of the party, the guy standing in the corner making observations, or the irritated neighbor calling the cops because of all the damn noise?
JP:  I'd be the guy whispering in the life of the party's ear. The words "lampshade" and the phrase "Who cares about the cops?" might be in that whisper.

CC:  What is your favorite sandwich?
JP:  You mean my favorite earl (See answer to Question 14.). Jeez, Chris, try to stay up with the times.
As a kid I loved to make "Dagwood" sandwiches. This is where you put some of everything in the fridge in your sandwich. My typical Dagwood (I'm not making this up) was Wonder Bread with peanut butter and mayonnaise on one slice and grape jelly on the other. Inside was usually ham, bologna, Velvetta, lettuce, sliced hard boiled egg, tomato and banana.
I know, bananas aren't kept in the refrigerator but they go so well with peanut butter and mayonnaise, which, if you're interested, is my second favorite earl.

(CC:  We'll pause the interview for a second while I say goodbye to my breakfast.)

CC:  Who would you consider to be your biggest influence as a humor writer?
JP:  Dave Barry without question. I was amazed someone could get published in a newspaper without having to do any research or even be right.  I originally wanted to write in a Dave Barry style but learned what all writers in any genre learn: each person has a unique voice and it will push and squirm and wriggle it's way onto the page not matter what you do.

CC:  Recently O.J. Simpson was arrested for robbery at a Las Vegas Casino. O.J. Simpson finished his NFL career with the San Francisco 49ers and you just so happen to live in the San Francisco area. Care to tell us what you were doing on the night of Sept 14th, 2007?
JP:  I sure as hell wasn't in Vegas. Next question.

CC:  Your profile says you're from Sausalito. Can you score me some of those tasty Pepperidge Farms cookies?
JP:  My mom in New York loves those cookies, but I've got no idea why they call them that. Doesn't mean anything here. (Really).

CC:  I know you don't like to talk about all of your humanitarian exploits or athletic prowess, but John, explain to us why you turned down the quarterback offer from the 49ers so you could help blind children?
JP:  The 49ers wouldn't give me Sundays off. The blind kids would.

(CC:  Looks like the 49ers took this past Sunday off.)

CC:  Where do you get your ideas for writing?
JP:  Sometimes they just pop in my head. Sometimes it's a newspaper article. Often someone says something which makes me think of something totally unrelated but funny nonetheless. Ideas come frequently. The acid test is whether or not the idea requires I do any research.

CC: Who do you think would win in a knife fight between Papa Smurf and Stuart Little?
JP: You forgot to take yours meds again, didn't you?

(CC:  My therapist has advised me not to answer that question. So has the penguin.)

CC: If you were casting the movie of your life, who would you want to play you?
JP:  For the Young Boy Me, I'd cast the kid from Strange Encounters of the Third Kind. The Teenage Me could only be played by a young Tom Cruise. Young Adult Me would require Steve Gutenburg.
As I age, I'm sliding towards Steven Wright, but I don't think I'll ever get there.

CC:  What is your favorite book?
JP:  Depends whom I'm talking to. If it's an attractive women then the answer is "The Sensitive Man's Handbook." If it's the guys, it would have "beer" and "football" in the title. If it's my mother, it's The Bible. Seriously, it's Notes to myself by Hugh Prather. It was the inspiration for the Thought~Bytes series.

CC:  If you could slap one person without fear of reprocussion, who would it be?
JP: It's not who, it's who and where. My answer is a huge hulking guy in front of Kristin Davis.

CC: You have two hours left to live, 200 dollars in cash and are handcuffed to a monkey. What do you do?
JP:  I can't say that. Children might read this. Let's just say that the monkey would end up with the $200.

CC:  Of everything you've written, is there one in particular that's your favorite?
JP:  I think I'd pick A Sandwich Named Earl .... Not my best writing but I loved the idea.

CC:  Why did Dave Barry say last week he thought you were funnier than he is?
JP:  Senility. The man just turned sixty and he's living with gators.

CC:  Who was the target of your first unrealistic crush (teacher, musician, movie star)?
JP:  Miss Winslow, my second grade teacher though I didn't consider it unrealistic even with a small age gap. Pretty much every female lead I saw in the movies. Never had a crush on a musician. Wait. I take that back. I'm still waiting to hear from her.

CC:  What is your motivation that keeps you writing?
JP:  Mastery. It's satisfying to learn how to do anything and at each stage it feels better and better to practice it.

CC:  Are there any topics that you consider off limits and wouldn't poke fun at?
JP:  Seriously, no. But it's hard to write about people or places without offending. I've done that OK a few times but I have a drawer full of articles I never used because I couldn't figure out a way to keep Mr. Mean or Mr. Demean out.

CC:  The 5 year old you travels through time and meets the present day you. What advice would you give to yourself?
JP:  Never raise your hand at any town meeting. Especially the one on June 23, 1987.

CC:  Ginger, Mary Ann, or Mrs. Howell?
JP:  I've been called all three.

Thanks John for agreeing to the interview and for putting up with my sometimes inane line of questions.  If you'd like to learn more about John, you can find his latest articles here or check your local public library.  He loiters there for some reason.

Now comes the interactive part!  Do you know of someone here on Gather who has a knack for humor that you'd like to see interviewed here?  If so, send me an email with their contact information (or shamelessly nominate yourself if you want) and I'll contact them and see if I can get them on the schedule.  Of course, that's assuming they'll sign the extremely long, confusing, overreaching consent form/power of attorney (John, I just sold your house so you have five days to move out).