I. First Contact
Nyarly Silver perused the scan results and scratched behind his mandible with a custom designed claw sheath. His saurian form stretched to relieve the kinks his large head put in his neck while peering at the displays. "It says there's life, but no cities, no farms, not even a toxic waste dump...what kind of sentience is this?" His tail thumped in frustration. "Just a lot of rock formations--are you sure they have achieved local space travel?"
"We'll soon find out," the XO said, "They've sent a floral pod in greeting and, I assume, the obligatory vaudevillian comic. I hope this one's not so perverted as that last one from the Tshimikan. I've never been so disgusted in my life. Why do races try to share comedy?"
"Sharing a sense of humor is the strongest basis for alliance--you can't trust someone that doesn't laugh at your jokes."
"You can't trust the ones who always do, either!"
A yeoman trucked in the pod, clutched delicately in her cobalt-studded claw. She opened it expertly to reveal a quadruple helix of glittering gemstones half a meter tall and a tenth across, intricately carved with the script in formal Slithian calligraphy of a proverb of Re'myeld: "What goes around, comes around."
From the center rose a large sapphire crystal, nearly black in the subdued light of the room, yet transparent. It emitted a deep vibration, like some antemillennium monkish chant. The unexpected intonation startled the yeoman who dropped the helix, which toppled and sent diamonds skittering across the floor.
Nyarly motioned her to stand still. Before he could speak, the large sapphire righted itself. It seemed to absorb light from its immediate vicinity, becoming opaque, and drew the scattered gems together through the air, to spiral into formation and reset themselves.
In the next second, a large female specimen of the Brotherhood persuasion was holographically projected above and around the sapphire. She was as tall as Nyarly himself, but wore much more fetching armor plate. Her scales shimmered iridescently, and she even seemed to breathe and sniff the air like the carnivores she appeared before.
"That doesn't look like a comic to me," the XO said, "Thank goodness."
Females had long ago won the right to fill any post in Re'Myeld, but such a female as this was a rare sight. Exotic pheromones exuded from her, proffering friendship. Nyarly had to remind himself sternly that she was a merely a projection from a rock.
"I am Ultra Marine, O Captain," said the projection, "Please forgive this apparition, but we have learned that the water-based races are more comfortable with life that looks familiar."
"I am Captain Nyarly Silver. Welcome to our vessel. Let me apologize for our clumsy handing of your exquisite gift, Madam* Marine. Its abilities are unknown to us."
"There is no need for apology except that our young ones were not sufficiently trained for this low light environment. Garnet is a hot, dry world of long days, which makes us lazy. Now we shall do better. Try us."
The apparition stepped away from the helix. At a nod from Nyarly, The XO tipped it over gently, to no effect, then picked it up by the top layer of stones. It was as if carved of one solid section.
"Drop it," said Ultra, "It shall not break."
After a nod from Silver, the XO raised it above his head and let go. The helix not only did not break but settled down to the gravity floor like a feather.
"You transmute energy directly? That is what you can teach us?" Nyarly asked, his teeth gleaming. Her fragrance was forgotten in the images he saw of conquest and commerce.
"Yourselves? I cannot speculate whether organic intelligence can focus the energy in such a way, but the silicates you use in your machinery can certainly be taught. And we are at your service until then. These young ones are brought here to share in the learning and spread ourselves through your space."
"Did you say that these are your young? We could not allow you to give us your children."
"We ask that we be allowed to learn your ways and the ways of other sentiences in the consortium you have organized. In return we will serve you and the consortium with our many talents."
The XO jerked his head away from the projection and slid back toards the far partition. Silver followed him a few meters away with a mumbled excuse. The XO's face was drawn, his teeth bared and the skin around his breast armor white with tension.
"I don't know about this," he said, "I don't think we should let them in on our technology, much less into our hardware." He looked at the yeoman who seemed fascinated by the helix, drawn like a bird to the eyes of a snake. "Diamonds may not be our best friends."
"We'll do some serious negotiation before we sign anything, Ex. This looks like a meaty meal if we stalk it right. Did you notice any weaponry? Any defense systems? Anything except ore, cargo and pops for the picking? I think we can chance it."
The XO ground his teeth quietly, but said nothing further; he knew the Captain would do what he wanted regardless.
Ultra had turned away, but her aural openings were aimed in their direction. She appeared to be scanning the interface device. Was she more than a projection, or could the crystal in the helix interpret any kind of energy? Silver approached the crystal; the projection turned his way and approached.
"What sort of quarters will be appropriate for you?" He addressed the rock.
"A place that allows us to absorb energy across a wide spectrum would be very gracious," the projection said, "or you may place us in your quarters as is your custom, I believe, for diplomacy with prospective allies. We are very interested in the notion of zygotal reproduction."
He would have sworn she had fluttered her eyelashes, if she had any, and it was sure that her fragrance had deepened with her voice transmission. This would be a unique entry for his personal log.
"Yeoman, escort Madam Marine to my quarters, and instruct her in the operation of environmental controls."
"Aye, sir." The yeoman reached for the helix, but it rose to the claws of the projection who then carried it, following the yeoman sedately. Nyarly noticed a pattern of markings on the projection's tail, like a quilt pattern of rhomboids. He wondered if they were flaws in the crystal or just done for effect.
They were effective.
(to be continued)
* Madam is an honorary title for any person who has been successful in negotiating transactions of the Brotherhood, stemming from the original nature of their commerce: it does not carry sexist overtones in their culture.


Comments: 36
I enjoyed this, but I think you're a little heavy-handed on the techno-babble. Speaking for myself, I think you can reduce the number of times you refer to aliens to make it read easier and be more meaningful. Examples: Tshimikan, Slithian, Re'myeld, antemillennium... it was very difficult for me to picture exactly what the physical object looked like with all these unknowns.
I was also hoping for a bigger "hook" at the beginning: is the ship focusing in on the earth for contact? Colonization? Something else? Granted, learning he has mandibles is cool, but perhaps "Nylarly" may not be best kick.
P.A.L.
To begin with, I didn't get the impression of 'techno-babble' - at least, no more than is usual with sci-fi. Most SF novels I've read have new terms, names, and worlds that have to be assimilated by the reader. In fact, I'd say it's expected of the genre.
I'm interested, VERY interested, in your story. I've gotten the impression that Nyarly's people are leaders in their realm. Ultra Marine seems to have pegged his race correctly and has successfully integrated herself onto their ship. Her eyelash flutter at the end is a good indicator that she knew just how to do it! Gifts of technology and an interest in 'zygotal reproduction'. What man wouldn't go for it? (hee - erm, no offense to the males reading this).
OK, down to the 'nits', as they're properly called here on Gather. And these are definitely nits. Small questions that I had while reading, or minor grammar quibbles:
"custom designed" should have a hyphen, I believe.
"claw sheath" confused me. Was he scratching with the claws, or were they retracted? If they were retracted, was the 'sheath' hard enough to provide a good enough scratch?
How does he scratch behind a mandible? Most mandibles project from a mouth-like cavity. Does this mandible lie flat against his skin or something? That might make it itchy, but if it projects straight outwards like an insect's mandible, how could he scratch behind it?
Saurian - good word! Bony fish, eh? I've got a good picture of Nyarly, now.
"Sharing a sense of humor is the strongest basis for alliance--you can't trust someone that doesn't laugh at your jokes." I think 'someone that' should be 'someone who'.
Confused on 'trucked in' vs. 'held in claw'. The first indicates a very large object that has to be towed. The second indicates something hand-held, which is the case (I believe).
"She opened it expertly to reveal..." I don't know why, but 'expertly' seems awkward here. Might just be me... ask someone else before you change it.
"It seemed to absorb light from its immediate vicinity, becoming opaque, and drew the scattered gems together through the air, to spiral into formation and reset themselves." I like this sentence, but something about it stopped me in the read. I think it was the present tense 'becoming' between the past tenses 'seemed' and 'drew'. Also, I don't know if there should be a comma after 'through the air,..." You may want to divide the whole thing into two sentences for clarity.
"...wore much more fetching armor plate." Love this! First insight into the more basic interests of Nyarly's people. Very subtle - well done.
"...comic to me," the XO said, "Thank goodness." There should be a period instead of a comma after 'said'. "Thank goodness." can stand alone.
"was a merely a projection" - you've got an extra 'a' in here. Either she 'was merely a' or she 'was a mere'.
Ultra Marine represents inorganic sentience! I LOVE it! What a great idea. Diamonds and sapphires who can think. Cool.
"...and pops for the picking" - didn't get this one. What are 'pops'?
The only generality that didn't click - is Nyarly's ship filled with water? I got the impression it was, since he's saurian and Marine refers to her own world as "dry" and to Nyarly's people as "water-based". But then the diamonds 'skitter' across the floor, and I can't see that happening in water... unless the gravity floor gives the ship non-aqueous properties.
I really liked this story, Charlotte, and would be interested in reading more when you post it.
So I'm going to guess that the most ironic passage not just in this opening section but maybe in the whole piece is: "Did you notice any weaponry? Any defense systems? Anything except ore, cargo and pops for the picking?" My guess is that that the female is vastly superior to these raiders and that seduction is her weapon. Thinking they have some advantage over her has caused them to play directly into their hands. Of course there still is a lot of mystery here, like why you flagged this for mature audiences (another clue about where Madam Marine is taking the boys, if I don't miss my guess). Thank you for making me imagine so many vivid colors. --Laz
Cat-House Sonnets
Your actual writing is lovely. Liked this: " you can't trust someone that doesn't laugh at your jokes."
You'll be on the floor when I tell you what I thought this next section said when I first read it - "Ultra had turned away, but her aural openings were aimed in their direction."
I thought it said " . . . her anal openings."
LOL! I'd better throw in the towel when it comes to critiquing outside my genres. LOL
Maybe not intended on your part, maybe intended, but there is some spiritual undercurrent of Christian teaching. When the diamonds fall and scatter, it seems reminiscent of the angels fallling. In the beginning of time, the sons of god (lucifer and his followers), with the daughters of men, produce a race of giants, a defiled generation that displeased God. Your species of crystalline creatures are interested in experiencing zygotal reproduction (something that long before has -apparantly some time prior to the time when your story begins, been deemed problematic). There is carnal flirty behavior from the "seeming" superior race. This opens the door to all kinds of possible conflict. The "What goes around comes around" has to call for a right and fair ending. These are good bases for an interesting story.
The idea of one body jointly fit together, perfect is reminiscent of the body of Christ. As Christians, we do not know what form our body will take in eternity, but that we are all members of one body jointly fit together.
I thought your one body with one central stone as the head or center was really cool for that reason.
I am in no way at all implying that this is more than fantasy, and certainly not that it is Christian fantasy. I am only noting what I found an interesting similarity.
Please don't change the names. Like you, if it is capitalized, I read over it 'til they become more familiar. It seems easier then. I like the strange names because it helps create a different world.
Minor mistakes were already given, so I'll just say, please send the next part when you post. I want to find out what happens next!
I know some folks don't like Fantasy and SF, but that's ok. There's more romances in B&N than SF anyway, and almose as many mysteries.
Love the visuals. I think you did a good job with that. The tail thumping, the use of humor, the status of women. I think you painted a good picture.
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977128280
Part II
Very interesting premise. I am also a SF and F fan. So, the names are okay with me - seen weirder ones! *grin*
Give it a once-through again. More like a critical editing comb and be objective about it. Remove redundancies.
Good luck!