by Erin P.

Member since:
February 14, 2007

My First Attempt At Tanka

September 22, 2007 10:29 PM EDT (Updated: September 26, 2007 12:04 AM EDT)

views: 31 | comments: 10

OK, here goes y'all. Tell me what you think, OK?

AUTUMN
(I know, overused ... but I'm excited. I love Autumn!)

Sugar maple leaves
Become a living sunset
Summer to autumn
Breezes rustle to evening
As they fall to winter's sleep.

Tags: fall, autumn, sunset, nature, leaf, verse, poem, leaves, poetry, tanka, colors, writing

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Comments: 10

John Doyle Sep 22, 2007, 10:59pm EDT

Very good. Not an easy form

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Karen M. Sep 22, 2007, 11:06pm EDT

Nice imagery...I think you are a natural.

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Sandra (secretary of Lalaland) C. Sep 22, 2007, 11:11pm EDT

That was good.

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Susan Roberts Sep 22, 2007, 11:43pm EDT

good writing

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Erin P. Sep 22, 2007, 11:59pm EDT

I know that each line should be a complete idea as it is in HAIKU. So, then, the last two lines should be independent of eachother, right? I mean, should I change it to read:
"Maple leaves as sky
Natural, living sunset
Summer to autumn
Breeze rustles through in evening
Tree's rain falls to winter's sleep."?

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Angela P. Sep 23, 2007, 7:04am EDT

An excellent job, 10!

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JoAnne D. Sep 26, 2007, 12:10am EDT

Love it, can you fill us in what Tanka is?

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Margaret G. Oct 6, 2007, 6:45pm EDT

I think you did a nice job.

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Faith is ready to be creative and enjoy her life! Jan 26, 2008, 3:09pm EST

that created a beautiful picture in my mind!!

I'm stopping as a member of Comment Speedway. Glad I found you and your article.

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Rachel V. Mar 18, 2008, 1:05am EDT

It was great!

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