I want to give just a little background info in case some of you haven't read my earlier articles. I have a friend Mary who was in my play group. This past spring she found out she had a cancerous brain tumor. Recently she has been moved to a nursing home because her in-laws just couldn't keep up with her care anymore. She is married and has 2 young children (3 and 5 1/2).
Today I went to visit her with 2 other friends from playgroup. She had requested pizza earlier in the week, so we ordered some from a place that was close by. We all got to eat at the table and we talked. It was nice because for a while, all she wanted to do was sleep. Now at least she is a little more alert. I think it may be because medication is more regulated at the nursing home, but I'm not really sure. She has a hard time remembering things unless they were from before she got sick. I know that she doesn't have a lot of time left, so it is hard going to visit with her and talk to her. She knows what is going to happen and I can't imagine what she must be feeling. I just hope that our little visits help to brighten her day a little.
We are going to try to plan more of these lunch dates while we still can. If food brings her some happiness, then we will be more than happy to help. I'm not sure how much longer we will have her around, but hopefully we can make her feel a little better for the short time we are there.
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Comments: 17
You are definitely doing the right thing though, going to visit her and spend time with her.
I just lost my mother to ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) in May, and I guess it was kind of the same thing, because she knew her time left was borrowed.
I remember my mom saying once after an old colleague came by to see her on her birthday (after two years of not showing) that she hated the pity visits. She enjoyed it so much when her friends, who came regularly came by to visit, and just sat down and talked with her and later to her, when she no longer could talk back.
I am so sure that your visits mean so much to your friend.
So what can you do for her other than bring her pizza? As a writer, next time you see her, please ask her about all her feelings for and stories about her kids. If she cries it is okay, as these are beautiful memories for her, even if painful facing death.
Then write them down and give them to her husband (keep a copy too), which he can save for the kids. (You'll have a copy to give them when they are older when the husband moves on, so stay in touch in some way if you can.)
The kids won't be interested in the details of her death, or seeing pictures of her bald head, but one day they will need to know how much their mother loved them and your writings can be that reassurance.
I am sure you and the other group moms are making a huge impact on her. Whether you think so or not. Even the smallest gesture seems big at that time.
Her and her family will be in my prayers... Please keep us informed...
You could also record her voice for her kids.. Voices are so hard to remember--
Big hugs again for all involved..