As a parent you wonder, is there anything you could have done differently? Is there a word or an action that you could take back so it didn't happen?
I had my daughter at a young age and now I have to deal with real stuff early in my life. She's eleven and my new husband treats her like his own. But she has been waiting all this time for the other shoe to drop. She lives life like she won't be here tomorrow. Or she thinks we will have to get up and leave this life like we did with our other one.
Yes, I did get home one day and packed our stuff and left my ex-husband just like that. He was abusive more to her then to me. I thought maybe she would end up resenting me if I continued living there when I knew what was going on and I knew it was wrong.
But now we have been here in our new life with my new husband for seven years. We have assured her there will be no leaving and if we do it we will all be moving together into a house. But she never treats it that way. She lives life reckless and impulsive. I finally decided to try and find some help for her.
The first doctor told me she probably had separation anxiety disorder because I had always been the constant in her life and she was having difficulty being away from me. But they referred me to a pediatrician anyways.
When we went to the pediatrician she was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder)- that's the worst thing I could have hoped to here from the doctor. We tried her on many of the medications... either they made her cry all the time or not be able to eat.
You always wonder what you ever did wrong to make it like that...
After all the medication and counseling she still seems the same to me. So this summer I seeked a second opinion. I was referred to a Pediatric Development Clinic that specializes in children like her. After extensive testing they determined that she definitely had ADHD. I finally resigned to the fact that she would need the medication for a long time.
I used to think that she could control her behavior to a certain extent, that she could be responsible for her own actions, she just had to learn how to. Another theory I had was that she was bored at school and needed to be challenged.
She is on a high dose of Adderall XR and seems to be doing good at school at least. I don't want this to get in the way of doing good there... education is everything in the future. I just think that society isn't educated enough...me being one of them. I tell people she's on medication for ADHD and someone always says, "Have you tried this instead?"
I wish an instruction booklet would fall from the heavens to help any one in this situation. I guess we can only do as good as we can and hope it turns out for the best.
CHeck out more of my work on Helium....http://www.helium.com/user/show/98757
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Also, my son went to a summer camp for kids with ADHD that was fantastic for him! Even the college students that were counselors had ADHD! Do a google search and see if there is anything in your area like that for her. It helped my son to see that there were other kids his age dealing with the same things! They also taught him how to advocate for himself. Like, where to sit in the classroom so that he would be less distracted.
Good luck!!
This may sound very woo-woo, but do spend some time every day imagining and even talking to your daughter (energetically, when she is in school, not present) about how much you love her, nhow much you support her efforts, and how well she is doing. It can't hurt and you will feel better.
Raising a child under the absolute best circumstances can be challenging. Raising a child in your situation... I'm sure you're all doing the best that you can do and you sound like a fantastic, loving, caring, and concerned parent!
I have to ask.... You mentioned the child abuse from the ex-spouse.. and you mentioned that at one time it was suggested maybe she was experincing "seperation anxiety".
You didn't mention though if "Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom" was ever discussed? If this was never brought to attention and concidered... umm.. I think I'd find someone who might talk with you about it. "Post Traumatic Stress Sydrom" can have the appearance of ADHD, including concentration problems.
I'm by NO means a Dr. that's why I suggest contacting someone if this hasn't been considered. Honestly, I'd be surprised that it hasn't considering your daughters history of abuse.
Here's a link to a site on Kids Health regarind PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Here's a little snippet from that page:
What Are the Signs and Symptoms?
Symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder usually develop within the first 3 months after the trauma, but they may not surface until months or even years have passed. These symptoms often continue for years following the trauma, or in some cases, may subside and return later in life if another event triggers memories of the trauma. In fact, anniversaries of the event can often cause a flood of emotions and unpleasant memories.
Sometimes, the symptoms of the disorder are easy to identify - they often resemble the symptoms of depression. However, posttraumatic stress is not the same as depression.
Signs and symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder include:
sleeplessness
nightmares
inability to get along with others, particularly in close relationships
paranoia and distrust
unwillingness to discuss or revisit in any way the site of the trauma
persistent, intense fear and anxiety
feeling easily irritated or agitated
having difficulty concentrating
feeling numb or detached
no longer finding pleasure in previously enjoyable activities
feeling helpless or "out of control"
experiencing intense survivor guilt
being preoccupied with the traumatic event
physical symptoms such as headaches, gastrointestinal distress, or dizziness
suicidal thoughts, plans, or gestures
People with the disorder often don't seek professional help because they don't recognize the link between their symptoms and the traumatic event they experienced. They also may avoid discussing the problem because dealing with anything related to the event makes them feel anxious or helpless.
1. Please don't get me wrong, I wasn't suggesting that your daughter isn't ADHD, only that there might be other underlying problems. PTSD is pretty common in abuse survivors. It would blow my mind if her doctors haven't considered this and spoke to you about it.
2. Here's a great big hug for you!
I have to say as he ages, he gets better with it. He's no longer on meds, but on a cup of coffee in the am. I even let him have a pop around 4 pm. My youngest can't tollerate the caffeine as well, he can't sleep.
Keep trying things. there is an ADHD magazine out there, I don't remember the exact name of it....but it looked good. Pray about it and love her for who she is. She'll surprise you one day and it will all be worth it. I've been there....
Vic
http://bestoftoday.gather.com/
Everybody has problems. There are so many little and big things that people are constantly going through. As long as whatever condition someone has is diagnosed and treated, they can live a great life. Just accept, love, and help each other.
Good luck.