by Elsie Duggan

Member since:
November 8, 2006

A Need To Mend My Heart

September 20, 2007 02:41 AM EDT

views: 149 | rating: 10/10 (47 votes) | comments: 58

I am trying to find the smile

that is usually on my face

but it seems to be hiding

left without a trace

I know why it is missing

and I want to get it back

but I don't know how to do it

haven't found the knack

I know that I have tear drops

running down my cheek

I know the reason for that

my heart has sprung a leak

Things will be getting better

at least I'm hoping so

I just don't know why

time is passing very slow

I am trying to be blaze'

train my brain to stop this thinking

but I am not successful at it

I think this ship is sinking

I am doing my very best

to tread the water round me

and feel the love I know is there

Waiting to set me free

Patiently I sit here

trying night after night

to escape this lonely feeling

will I win this fight

It is only me that can bring back my smile

Only me to let love in

Only I can be the one

to take it on the chin

For I am tired of this feeling down

don't like it one little bit

I need to fix the leak in my heart

Before it's really split

So here life, take a punch at me

and smack me good and hard

make me wake up my old loving self

Catch me off my guard

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Comments: 58

Patricia I. Sep 20, 2007, 2:43am EDT

Excellent poem. very hartfelt and somewhat funny, I enjoyed it a lot

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Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 20, 2007, 2:46am EDT

I am so glad I took the time to read this. It was very beautiful but sad. I hope you find that smile again. Do you need help looking?

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Elsie Duggan Sep 20, 2007, 2:46am EDT

Thank you Patrica, I guess there is some humor in it after all, wasn't funny when I was writing it, but thanks for showing me that, a smile is slowly coming.

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Duckie 1 Sep 20, 2007, 2:49am EDT

The pain behind the words is palpable. Sharing your sorrow. Elsie, please know that your hurt is ours, too.

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Tina b. Sep 20, 2007, 2:51am EDT

Let us live life and let love in,
What Great Advice.
Thank You.

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Rick *Don Rico* J. Sep 20, 2007, 2:55am EDT

Very touching...

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Sue D. Sep 20, 2007, 3:07am EDT

I know you will find that safe place Elsie. Believe it or not, you have helped guide me to mine.

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Jenny B. Sep 20, 2007, 3:21am EDT

Elsie memories will bring back that smile. Focus on happier times and the special love you shared with your husband. Its there, just waiting for you to remember.

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Corina Carrasco Sep 20, 2007, 3:29am EDT

I'm sure it doesn't feel funny. I could feel your pain and your desire to pull yourself out of it. Remember that life has dealt you quite a few blows, most recently Bill's death. I think maybe you moved on too fast, didn't let yourself grieve enough. Now you're getting hit with it again.

Remember Elsie, the only way through it is to go THROUGH it, not around it!

You are loved by so many here. I include myself in that number and I hope that you don't forget it and call upon us if and when you need us. I know I'm here for you, online or off. Anytime. I'm here.

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Cristina S. Sep 20, 2007, 4:13am EDT

Beautifully said Elsie. Of course it's not funny to feel this much pain - but here there is humour coming in...

"take a punch at me

and smack me good and hard

make me wake up my old loving self

Catch me off my guard"

and that is a big step in the right direction! Your Bill is watching you, and he surely loves your smile!

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Dena Straughn Sep 20, 2007, 4:37am EDT

No---not a punch---a gentle shake and a tiny tickle, just enough to start the giggles. Love ya Elsie!

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Rob Appell Sep 20, 2007, 4:51am EDT

Just remember, though that anniversary date is coming up, Bill wouldn't want you to continue to mourn, but celebrate the life and times and love you shared while together for so long...feelings that go on despite the fact he's not there for you in body, but will always reamin in mind, soul and spirit. Feel him with you on the day as he is with you on every other to help you get through the sorrow.

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Yvonne F. Sep 20, 2007, 5:13am EDT

Hi Elsie, This is a beautiful heartfelt poem and I love it, sending you a big, gentle hug.

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Denise B. Sep 20, 2007, 7:43am EDT

A lovely poem, I hope you find your smile soon.

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Doris H. Sep 20, 2007, 8:06am EDT

Excellent poem, so full of emotion

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Debbie G. Sep 20, 2007, 9:38am EDT

Well written and heart tugging. Elsie, you are so very loved and respected.

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Danielle P. Sep 20, 2007, 9:43am EDT

I love your words of wisdom. I hope your heart heals soon.
Love and best wishes.

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lynn a. Sep 20, 2007, 9:55am EDT

Tough time, huh? Elsie, if I were to count on anyone to make it through tough times it would be you. I bet that doesn't matter much when it causes you to hurt so fiercely. I hope this is peaking and you are through the worst of it. It is harder the closer we get to the anniversaries of important dates in our lives that change everyfhing for us. I'm sending some wishes for peace and comfort and happiness your way.

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Wilma M. Sep 20, 2007, 10:10am EDT

This approaching anniversary will soon be over and you will have made it through. I think your smile will return bit by bit. It's never too far away. You put up a brave front at times but we are all here to help you whenever the sadness gets too heavy to carry alone.

You are loved by many, Elsie. You set an example for others of loving, grieving and going on with life. Many blessings to you.

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Paula Love Sep 20, 2007, 10:19am EDT

Hi very great friend of mine. You have my number if you want to cry together. I don't have to work until Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. If you need me, I'll be there for you as much as possible! luv ya!

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Minakshi w. Sep 20, 2007, 10:37am EDT

Elsie, it's understandable why the feelings of loneliness creep in sometimes. You are a real brave and courageous lady, full of warmth and love for us whenever we read your comments and poems. It's okay to feel this way too, sometimes...just accept it and listen to your heart...you don't want to be sad, neither do we.. :)
Our love and thoughts are with you--do not feel alone! Your smile will soon bounce back, I am sure of that.
Lots of love...

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William Dotani Sep 20, 2007, 10:41am EDT

Absolutely wonderful lyrical flowing verse. It reminds me of some of Emily D's beautiful sorrowful verses. This poem should help mend the leak because it is simply fantastic.

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Sue B.© The Sting IS Worse Than the Buzz Sep 20, 2007, 11:15am EDT

Elsie, dear, sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit out of sorts. Although I don't comment often enough, I am very aware of your enchanting presence and your sometimes humorous and always thoughtful insight and wisdom. It gives me a subtle comfort to know you are here.

Don't let that demon of despair thwart your happiness. You're too remarkable a person for that and everyone would agree, I know.

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Carole D. Sep 20, 2007, 12:51pm EDT

Come on, Elsie... Let's GOOO!!! SNAP! ZOOM! I'll bring a nice BIG Chocolate Cream pie to go with our Dandelion Tea... Tell William to bring his guitar and be ready to Dance! That should give you a lift.. :-) Love you!

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lynn a. Sep 20, 2007, 1:51pm EDT

And of course WIlma will bring her ants and I'll bring another good stock of moon pies. We'll party down. Maybe bring a scrabble game and chinese checkers. Carole D. is right. It's time to SNAP! ZOOM!

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Nana to Seven Cutiepies Sep 20, 2007, 3:08pm EDT

Elsie, your poems always move me. I hope all your friends here can help you find your smile.

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Larry H. Sep 20, 2007, 3:29pm EDT

Love your poem, sorry you are feeling low.

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Patti M. Sep 20, 2007, 5:19pm EDT

Elsie, I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. You are a remarkable person and time will pass and your smile will return. You have a loving spirit and please know you are not alone. You are in my prayers nightly.

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Midnite Writer -- Kim Sep 20, 2007, 5:21pm EDT

Great poem, hope you bounce back quickly. Writing helps heal the soul and mind. Keep at it, you're good! Congrats on being the 4th most viewed on gather!!

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Gorgeous Gabby, a Gather Geeky Gal, and The Giz Sep 20, 2007, 6:34pm EDT

good one!

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Alison Pearce Sep 20, 2007, 6:50pm EDT

Oh Elsie! So beautiful and so sad. I don't think I'll punch or hit you, but I hope that smile comes back quickly!

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Marge H. Sep 20, 2007, 6:58pm EDT

I wish I was there to hug you. I think it is good that you write about this and I feel honored to be able to share your pain. I hope that in the sharing your burden is lessened somewhat.

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Kathryn E. Sep 20, 2007, 6:59pm EDT

the pain is so palpable, Elsie. I hope everything is ok...mend, mend, mend, time will mend....until then, you cope just fine. there is no cure for grief.

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Sue * Sep 20, 2007, 7:05pm EDT

Elsie, dear Elsie...I am so sorry you are sad. I know this is a hard time for you, and you are lonely and miss Bill. I don't think things will ever be the same for you-but, maybe you can be happy differently. It may be small consolation, but your honesty, kindness, humor and even your grief have spread all through this strange little community of Gather...touching us all. You probably have more friends now than you ever have...we are just cyber-friends, but there are real people behind these keyboards...and we all want you to find peace and be happy. Keep writing, keep reaching out...we are here.

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Cheryl W. Sep 20, 2007, 7:47pm EDT

Wonderful poem, Elsie! Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt words with us.

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Barbara B. Sep 20, 2007, 9:32pm EDT

Ok my lady! 'Fly Me To The Moon, And Let Me Play Among The Stars'
I got my Elvis Presley already to go Elsie, he even put on his Blue
Swede shoes just for you! He said ,"thank yuh, thank yuh, veruh,
veruh much!" He loves going to the moon with all of us, but he said
he needs to keep his baby blues on William! Oh! He would like some
of that dandelion wine you make cause that's his favorite! Dear lady,
we all love you so much and are feeling your pain and 'these things
too shall pass' I'll be praying for you to give you the strength you'll
need and soon 'Everythings Coming Up Roses For You And For We'
I really loved this poem Elsie, but not the saddness it brings you. I
will be here for you, always!

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Sheila Deeth Sep 21, 2007, 12:13am EDT

Almost like you're writing the poem of how you mend. So sorry for your sadness Elsie, and so glad for your sweet humor, visible to others even when you say you didn't see it there. God bless.

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Timothy V. Sep 21, 2007, 1:11am EDT

Elsie....Very heartwarming and well written as usual. I always look foward to reading your poems!

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lynn a. Sep 21, 2007, 1:25am EDT

I came to read your poem again. It goes straight to the heart.

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Mary (diet dr pepper junkie) T. Sep 21, 2007, 3:02am EDT

Remember Elsie, we love you! I hope that helps a bit.

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Angela B (There IS a light at the end of the tunnel) Sep 21, 2007, 3:16am EDT

Oh, Elsie, it can be so hard to deal with things when we're grieving. I hope that you are able to find a happier place to be. In the meantime, I would watch out for that one with the cream pie!

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Susan N. Sep 21, 2007, 4:40pm EDT

Hey, Elsie another excellent poem as usual!

I bet you felt much better after writing and posting. I have always felt it very liberating to write out my feelings especially when times get tough and certain anniversaries are nearing.

Thanks...S

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Bonnie S. Sep 21, 2007, 4:53pm EDT

That is a beautiful poem, I really enjoyed it and sensed some sadness, I hope you will find happiness within yourself soon. It must be hard to do at times, but know Bill and Tracey are watching over you.

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Heidi M. Sep 21, 2007, 6:44pm EDT

It is sad to know you are living through the pain that you have. If it was ours to take on I am sure many would make that offer. Those who are feeling your hurt are the same ones that will rejoice with you as you find your way though it.

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Donna C. Sep 21, 2007, 7:55pm EDT

So sorry this is a bad time for you Elsie. You are a very dear person and I know that you will be able to pick yourself up and start to smile again real soon.

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t b. Sep 21, 2007, 9:31pm EDT

Whew, I felt your sorrow as I read this. Loneliness is a terrible thing. Sometimes I think our hearts grow extra heavy with the pain of it so we will allow ourselves to open to the possibility of new love. It won't ever be the same as the love you lost, but it will be new and different and wonderful in it's own way. You deserve Every happiness. When you are ready, may love find and keep you.....t

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wiaka's just ... curious Sep 22, 2007, 2:04am EDT

My dear Elsie . . . you are Loved here. Believe that.

There is no one that replace the love you have lost for that love is so very special and beats within your heart.

If you don't mind, I am really selfish and and need you to go on. I just lost someone I loved dearly and feel the stabbing pain in your words that comes from your broken heart. I don't care if anyone gets upset for writing this its how I feel about you.

God Bless you Elsie Duggans.

Blessings

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Donald M. Sep 22, 2007, 5:57pm EDT

Elsie, It is a beautiful article, but I can also relate to the time slots in our lives that we get so deep in thought about the past, that it affects our right now. The only intelligent article I have written lately is when I was sitting by myself in the dark thinking about my father. I put it on the keyboard and read it to myself. Now I can see all the beauty in my life and want to just pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going. That is what our loved ones really want us to do.

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Connie H. Sep 23, 2007, 7:19am EDT

Elsie:

Reading all these comments, it is clear that you are held in high regards by many, including me. We all know that you are a strong woman Elsie. You will prevail, but grief is a process that takes time. Regardless of how strong you are, it will still take time. My thoughts and prayers are with you Elsie.

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Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Sep 23, 2007, 1:40pm EDT

This is so beautiful ..straight form your heart ..there are times when heart wants to speak a lot...I am down again coz my laptop is not working and seems that iot's hard is crashed ..so I am not so easy...all the days are not same..

Thanks this time I really felt your poem..

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