Scattered Thoughts

I have been in an odd place today, only because there have been so many different thoughts and feelings flying through my head that I have had a hard time catching one and pinning it down long enough to even look at it.  I have been reading a lot of different things today, all of which have given me something to think about, and also have inspired me to write my own thoughts about the same issues.  My friend Kate made a comment about how she hasn't always been a mother, my friend April talked about her faith, I ranted about OJ Simpson and talked to Sam's dr. about some spider bites that he got-in addition, I turned in a claim and wrote a policy, I talked to the Hannah's school about rescheduling a meeting, and just now am thinking about what to make for dinner.  There are all of these different pieces of me, different little compartments of my life, and at 35, I am just now trying to figure out how they all fit together to make me the person I am.  No-that isn't true; it is that after 35 years of experience and different events and lots of therapy and good friends, as well as loss and heartbreak and joy, I am finally at the beginning of realizing just who I am, and why I am here.  During the one really bad argument with Steve, in a fit of temper I screamed (yes-quiet, shy, doormat me ~rolls eyes~) "I want my life to have meaning!"

I guess that is what it boils down to.  I am in a spot where I have been at other times in my life, open to the lessons and taking stock and realizing that there are ways in which my life DOES have meaning.  All of these pieces that are who I am fit together to make a life-crazy, maybe, a little chaotic, a little (or a lot, depending on the day) stressful, but a life with some substance.  I am feeling, despite my scattered thoughts at the moment, very thoughtful and quiet inside, which is a good place for me to be.  And hey, I am going to enjoy it while it lasts; tomorrow might be another lost keys day, and then all bets are off.