As if supergluing myself the other day wasn't enough. In case you missed it:
"Well my mom came by last night and installed a closet organizer system in my bedroom. My house is in squalor mode. I am in the midst of numerous projects. Cleaning/sorting/etc. trying to get everything back in the closet or in get rid of bags. I don't know why I can't do things like a normal person....ONE THING AT A TIME So anyway I come across some fake berkenstocks. "Definitely need to go. hmm...they look they need a little work. Trash? but I only wore them a few times....." "Oh I know can SUPERGLUE the area where the outer lining has separated and put them in the Goodwill bag. "
(In hindsight why did I think that was a good idea? ) I go to glue that part back on. The rest of the lining falls off oozing massive amounts of superglue all over my hands. both hands. Crap. Did I mention the package says "Bonds Instantly to Skin"?
My fingers are glued in a lovely o.k. sign. A huge clump of labrador retriever fur ends up stuck to my palm. Niiiiice. Thus begins googling (or more accurately winzying) to find some remedy to get it off. nail polish remover? Puhleeze! No doesn't work. Finally I spread peanut butter all over my hands and let it sit for a while. Got it off w/ that and scrubbing w/ steel wool pads. Well most of it...."
Yes I am officially a dork. but what I didn't add was that The Man broke my blender. Yes the one I got for Christmas. I made lime slushies and he reblended them w/ a spoon in there. What does this have to do w/ the glue thing above?
Well instead of telling me he cracked the blender container he applied a layer of...you guessed it. Superglue. So I go to clear off the counter. hmm what is this doing out? I won't go into the rest of it. Hand+blender=not good.
The crowning moment of the evening was when I helped Frog w/ her 100 things poster for the 100th day of school. I am sure most of you remember that. You are supposed to find 100 things and glue them or attach them somehow to a poster. Do I need more glue issues? No I do not.
After several minutes of Frog fooling around w/me trying to explain how to do the project (10 items in each group) I gave up and let her go at it on her own. She went to "wash her hands".
Anytime a child says they are going to go wash their hands that is a damned lie.
Wash hands means fill the sink and all bathroom containers w/ a concoction of "potion". Which is usually the contents of my shampoo or conditioner bottles mixed w/ lotion, toothpaste and whatever they can get their grubby little hands on. Oh and glitter. No self respecting "princess" would concoct such a potion w/ out a healthy dose of glitter. Preferably sprinkled on every available surface so you will touch it and unsuspectingly wipe it on your face before going out in public.
The finishing touch is toilet paper shoved into the sink drain so no precious potion can escape down it.
This was not her plan though. I kept thinking it was too quiet and walked in to find Frog still in the hall. Not even in the bathroom. Braced against the wall, palms against it. You guessed it...trying to glue herself to the wall.
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