my short - Headfirst

Strange breeze at the back of my neck.  I stare at my hands.

I don't know what to say anymore.  I can't say I love you.  Well I could but it wouldn't mean much.  Although it would mean a lot to me.  I push.  I push when I shouldn't.  I rush like water to the end of the fall.  I'm sorry.

This is who I am.  I need somebody to rush with me.  Or maybe I need somebody to slow me down.  I've never known slow.  I've never even taken steps.  It's always been leaps.  I drive the motor til it breaks.  Then I wait.  I think I might actually have some time to myself.  Then somebody walks around the corner.  This time that somebody was you.

Those who knew me said it was perfect.  They were just as certain as I that you were "IT".  They still believe.  I think they are more in shock than I am.  Baby, we were ENVIED.

Today I saw the pictures and we were so happy; so happy it made me sad.  The way you placed your hand upon me.  The way you nuzzled my face.  The way you smiled like the most contented cat in the world....as if I were the permanent scratching behind your ear that made you purr. 

Even now tears flow from my eyes.  I miss you horribly.  I don't want to start over I just want you to come back.

Everybody still believes in us.  I WANT us.  I can't see me being an "US" with another.

If I hadn't dove headfirst..............

but there's always an "if".